i have been chatting on and off with a girl for last 6 years. Met her few times in the start, both developed strong feelings for each other but it didn’t work out since i was in very early stage of my career and we both were stubborn on different issues. It continued for 3 years, we broke up. Since then i chatted her probably 4-5 times and we were completely out of contact since last one n half year.
Few months back out of no where i got offline messages from her that how i am doing and etc. etc. I got engaged last year, so i told her about the engagement, she congratulated in a very casual manner (not her way) and we exchanged some formal sentences and said bye. Then after few more months i got offline messages from her that she is missing me and it would be good if we chat some time. I responded to her messages, and since then we are again chatting from time to time. She says she has changed a lot and she valued the time when we were in contact and now considers me as a good and close friend. She says even after her marriage she would like to be in contact with me no matter her husband knows it or not (i found the last point totally weird and couldn’t agree with her).
Well the point is, i don’t feel good about chatting with her given our past history and the fact that i am engaged. But can’t plainly say her that we cant chat anymore because i don’t want to sound rude, may be you all know what i mean, it’s hard to simply shut down all contacts with some one all of a sudden. She is in some depressed mode of life and i know very well the more i wil be in contact with her more are the chances of “revival of old flames”. I am being very careful when i chat with her but still i feel bad about it. It’s not that i cant refuse to people, i am usually a straight forward type of person and dont say things with “lagi lipti”, but in this matter i feel kinda helpless.
Any advices on how to convey her in a sophisticated and decent manner that i don’t want to be in contact any more??
She must be pretty unhappy that she wants to possibly cheat.
Be firm. Tell her you want the best for her and for that reason it's better for both of your marriages that you guys not secretly talk.
I know a housewife that complains about her husband to my SO because the husband is an ass hat (abuses etc) . She just wants attention and some consolation not an affair.
Tell her husband you used to date his wife, and don't feel comfortable with her contacting you now. That should put an end to it fast.
I didn't read anywhere in the opening post that she's married, or even engaged, so that would be pretty harsh methinks. we all think/say stupid things in depression/love, no need to ruin someone else's marriage/life. and since HE's engaged, its up to him to reject advances...
It's stated in the OP that she's married. Cheaters are cheaters. The OP said no, eventually she'll find another guy. The woman is practically inviting the OP to sleep with her. I think any husband should know that about his wife. If your spouse was contacting ex's, asking to meet up and keep it a secret from you, would you want to be told or kept in the dark?
She says even after her marriage she would like to be in contact with me no matter her husband knows it or not (i found the last point totally weird and couldn't agree with her).
It's stated in the OP that she's married. Cheaters are cheaters. The OP said no, eventually she'll find another guy. The woman is practically inviting the OP to sleep with her.
I'd agree with you IF she were already married. But I didn't read anywhere that she actually IS already married, and is saying these things out of depression/love/whatever emotional mess she's in.
and I definitely didn't see where she said she'll find another guy.
the part that I quoted, to me that means she's NOT married yet and is still single and just talking abstractly about the future, but I could be wrong about that.
The woman OP is marrying is more important than this girl. Think of how she'd feel if she read of any of these messages. Tell the girl firmly but bluntly that you don't feel comfortable, she knows she is being inappropriate and seems to be taking advantage of your politeness.
Make it clear to her that you can be friends but don't really have time to talk at the moment/or feel comfortable as you're moving on in life etc etc.
brother just tell her plainly you simply do not wanna cheat/hurt your fiancee by talking/chatting with her then block her instantly. Some people do have this types of friendships even after their engagement , but it's wrong.
lol my goodness, is this even worth pondering over? Cut all contact and do not reply to her. For your sake and her sake, and the sake of your fiance. It's in everyone's benefit. The amount of hurt you are afraid of causing her, you have already done that and vice versa. Nothing is going to change that, so might as well take the last step and end it for good.
I think you need to seriously talk to her. I don't think that she'll "get it" if you were to just tell her that it's wrong and end the communication. I think you need to get her to reflect upon what she's doing and how this chatting of yours is likely to hurt both of you and others (her husband, your fiance, etc). And then cut contact. Remaining in touch is likely to hurt her more than ending things. She didn't talk to you for a year and a half....she can manage to do it again.
Wait. She's married? That is just wrong. I feel bad for her husband.
Just tell her you're engaged and don't find it appropriate to have any kind of contact with her. If she doesn't get it and still insists on chatting just block her. You shouldn't have started talking to her again if you're engaged. It's not fair to your wife to be ..
