I want to reduce chatting with my fiancé, we are getting married in six months, we are cousins and have been friends for many years, see the problem is I am bit conservative, I don’t want to talk about my future after the wedding, I don’t want to discuss how we will live and all that stuff while he loves it. I mean general things are fine but whenever he crosses the boundary I feel guilty and bad. Anyways I am not asking how I can avoid or ask him not to talk on issues I don’t like, because I tried it and he understood it but slowly slowly I start falling for his traps( yes i am blaming him for my weakness lol ). So I came to the conclusion that I should defiantly minimise chatting with him. So tell me how I can do that, what other activities I should do to avoid him. I usually read book when we chatting that stops my hormones to go crazy hehe. we both are libras.
He is in Pakistan so my evening is his morning and as soon as its 6 o clock (evening) I am on the laptop, he is usually at work and God knows his boss doesn’t say anything he chats with me until noon.
We used to chat once a week or twice a month but now a month ago he bought this stupid smart phone and he is online all the time. I even woke him up in middle of night few times.
I know I want to marry him but I don’t want to lose my women ego, my respect in my own eyes and also when I offer pray I feel very guilty that I am losing front of my nafs.
So please tell me how I should minimize chatting with him.
I’m not sure why you’re not able to figure this out on your own b/c the solution seems pretty simple.
Why? Why do you need to be on the computer every single evening? Go read a book. Spend time with family. Go out with friends. Go work out. Take some type of evening classes related to a hobby. Is it really that difficult to find an activity to keep you busy that doesn’t require a computer? And even IF you get on the computer…why are you logging onto chats every-single-time? I manage to get on the internet and I’m rarely on any IMs or chatting devices…so I know this is definitely possible.
Anyways I am not asking *how I can avoid or ask him not to talk on issues I don’t like *
You do realise that one of the keys to a successful relationship involves being able to discuss all serious issues, even things that we don't like? Unfortunately, it is often necessary to discuss things these. It's part of life. What types of issues are you referring to specifically that you don't like (if I may ask)?
by future do you mean he's talking about sex and kids nad stuff? cz if so, I understnad your concerns. and you need to tear yourself away from the computer
on teh other hand, if he's talking about lilving arrangements, work situation, etc, i'm not sure what's wrong with that...
I understood it as the conversation is veering toward sex. I feel she should just be direct with her concerns. If she suddenly starts distancing, it can leave him feeling confused and possibly hurt the relationship; she shouldn't take that risk.
What's wrong about chatting about future plans ?? Don't you want to know what his values and expectations are ?
Or do you think by revealing too many of your ideas the rishta might break ?
Better to show your true self after marriage when he can't leave you. In fact, id wait till after he has kids. Get him in a tight spot so he can't wiggle.
What's wrong about chatting about future plans ?? Don't you want to know what his values and expectations are ?
Or do you think by revealing too many of your ideas the rishta might break ?
Better to show your true self after marriage when he can't leave you. In fact, id wait till after he has kids. Get him in a tight spot so he can't wiggle.
I think it's quite clear nafs= hanky panky. Conversations she's not comfortable with. So what u can do OP is tell him clearly that anytime the conversation is going in that direction ur going to say bye, put the phone down and give him some time to cool off. He can call u back when he has something better to talk about.
Why do you need to be on the computer every single evening? Go read a book. Spend time with family. Go out with friends. Go work out. Take some type of evening classes related to a hobby. Is it really that difficult to find an activity to keep you busy that doesn’t require a computer? And even IF you get on the computer…why are you logging onto chats every-single-time? I manage to get on the internet and I’m rarely on any IMs or chatting devices…so I know this is definitely possible.