how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

[LP]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

@Sehrysh

Maybe I’m oversimplifying things - but I find the greatest conflict in a relationship (husband-wife, MIL-DIL, parent-child) comes from expectations we place on the other person.

Let’s take an example - just because a mother doesn’t say “I love you” doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love her child. A mother shows her love and care in a multitude of other ways. But once we measure the other persons care and affection for us by our standards we set ourselves up to fail. Look for the other persons love and care and affection in how they want to express it and not in how you want to receive it.

I’m not saying that conflicts in relationships do not exist - of course they do. But I’ve noticed that for a lot of people the conflict is more in their head because the other person didn’t meet their expectations of what it means to care about them.

well said :k:

[OYMWA]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

Seyhrish said it best. Managing a relationship, any relationship, is mainly about tempering expectations and communication.

[cancerian87]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

And what about if one is continuously do that thing which he like if me or someone give adivce he says no he think he is right. Like we are moving to apartment I said I will do this and that in terms of decorating and all he said no that will not look good. Really its very difficult for me to compromise on each and everything.

[khattichic]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

And what about if one is continuously do that thing which he like if me or someone give adivce he says no he think he is right. Like we are moving to apartment I said I will do this and that in terms of decorating and all he said no that will not look good. Really its very difficult for me to compromise on each and everything.

are you saying you don't want him to have an opinion on decorating the house? it's his living space too...you should be making joint decisions that incorporate both your tastes. if he doesn't like what you are suggesting, then ask him what he would like and find something that bridges both of your ideas

[BombShellBabe]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

@Reha

You married another person…not a puppy.

I don’t know a lot of guys who enjoy one-dish parties Its a girl thing and you cannot blame him for not wanting to go. He’s not your BFF…he’s a dude.

I’d hate it if I was being forced to follow someone around all the time

Disagree. As a husband and wife, you are supposed to do things together that also includes attending an event. This helps with nourishing the relationship and having fun together.

[cancerian87]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

I didn't say he don't have rights or opinion but this apartment is gifted by my father atleast some of things should atleast with my will. But he dont understand anything he just keep quite or stop talking with me If I say anything to him.he just want what he thinks right. How can I make him understated for his anger and dominating personality.

[NaMaan]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

Super glue them together

[khattichic]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

I didn't say he don't have rights or opinion but this apartment is gifted by my father atleast some of things should atleast with my will. But he dont understand anything he just keep quite or stop talking with me If I say anything to him.he just want what he thinks right. How can I make him understated for his anger and dominating personality.

I hope you don't say that to him or remind him of that.

[chikri_bikri]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

See as i disliked what you just said that this apartment is gifted by my father atleast some of things should atleast with my will ,i just listened from you and hated the statement he KNOWS this and how difficult it would be for him. :-/

You need not to realize him this,you both have right to give the opinion ,suppose if you like Pink and your husband Blue and you say that you want a pink wall paint see how girly the room will look like ? how can a man live in there unless he likes pink too :p
May be in your opinion it looks good but not necessarily in his.

try to listen,be practical, think, if you think it doesn't look good then give him an advise not an Order.
Give your relationship some time!!
i remember when i was in dormitory it took ONE YEAR to understand my roomie and this is your HUSBAND .
Patience is the key even in Islam keep practising it and Allah will give you ajr.

[arain_munda]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

dekho g wo lateefa to suna ho ga k teen auratain thee american, britian, pakistani

American: main apnay husband ko bol dia aj se khana tum bnao gay. pehlay din bookay soye, doosrey din b bookay, teesray din main kaam se aye to khana tiar tha.
Britian: main husband ko bol dia aj se gr ki sefai tum karo gay. pehlay din kuch nei hua, doosrey din b gr gnda tha, teesray din main kaam se aye to gr sheeshay ki trah chmk reha tha.
Pakistani: main apnay husband ko bola aj se brtn tum wash kro gay. pehlay din kuch nei nzr aya, doosra din b aisay e guzr geya, teesray din ankh ki sozesh km hui to kuch kuch nzr ana shuru hua.

khair husband and wife should discuss all matters between them selves and decide accordingly. dominating behavior should be avoided with your life time partner.

[GlobalGal]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

When some of you say "pick your battles" how do you gauge which issues are worth arguing about? If he never attends any functions with you, most people have never seen your husband's face ever, is that something that would be an argument worthy issue? If he promises that on thanksgiving or Christmas, both of you will visit the wife's family but then when Thanksgiving\Christmas\Eid\or whatever holiday comes along, he's already planned a trip somewhere else or does not want to honor the promise and never keeps promises would that be something to bring up?
It's the other person's way or the highway most of the time, the controlling, stubborn personalities that are so difficult to adjust with.

if you want to go to couples' counselling to make the relationship strong but he refuses, is that battle worthy?

If you end up agreeing and doing everything he or she wants, is there a fine line between doormat and compromise?

Even with friends and coworkers, at what point do you stand up and at what point do you forget about it and just go along with it to keep the peace?

[TLK]

@cancerian87:10007381

Hello friends

I want to know how can husband and wife relation become strong..

Sax, lot of sax. It calms people down. I recommend Kenny G.

[GlobalGal]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

^what if the husband is gay though. She won't get sax heck she won't even know what that sounds like...she might get more beethovan or mozart, piano-y type of stuff.

[Ethan_Hunt]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

....

[Green_Beret]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

^what if the husband is gay though. She won't get sax heck she won't even know what that sounds like...she might get more beethovan or mozart, piano-y type of stuff.

do you know of any wimenz married to gays?

[Mamzie]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

I don't understand why u all think the OP is being unreasonable! I totally get it that she shouldnt expect her husband to tag along with her to all the places she wants to go to. However, i feel as husband and wife you both need to be sensitive to each others desires and wants, so why can't the husband in this case make an effort to atleast go out once in a while for her?

Secondly, yes it would be totally wrong if op keeps mentioning their home to be a gift given by her father. I think even if it wasnt a gift, the husband and wife again need to be sensitve to each others choice but in this case when the husband particulary this house to be a present by a father to a daughter, i'd think he be more sensitive to her choices. As a wife maybe perhaps op shouldnt expect it but as a husband he should make an extra effort. That's what i think!

[Iconoclast]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

Sax, lot of sax. It calms people down. I recommend Kenny G.

^what if the husband is gay though. She won't get sax heck she won't even know what that sounds like...she might get more beethovan or mozart, piano-y type of stuff.

tsk tsk

Is this what this forum has become. Shud I throw in some Sikh jokes.

[gul_khan]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

^ you mean sick jokes .....

[TLK]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

@Iconoclast

tsk tsk

Is this what this forum has become. Shud I throw in some Sikh jokes.

What is wrong in recommending good music?

[Reha]

Re: how to make strong relationship between husband and wife

And what about if one is continuously do that thing which he like if me or someone give adivce he says no he think he is right. Like we are moving to apartment I said I will do this and that in terms of decorating and all he said no that will not look good. Really its very difficult for me to compromise on each and everything.

That's the thing though...you're not compromising on everything. You're arguing about it. Compromising is accepting willingly...not accepting after a fight.

Let him have his say...you sound controlling and its probably beginning to wear on him.

Disagree. As a husband and wife, you are supposed to do things together that also includes attending an event. This helps with nourishing the relationship and having fun together.

No, it doesn't. It only feeds a childish illusion that women hold thinking "ohhh...im married now...going to go to chacha ki phuppi ki neighbor ki dholki in my new nomi ansari and my hubby on my arm like candy".

Going to events does not nourish anything but biryani hungry bellies.

When some of you say "pick your battles" how do you gauge which issues are worth arguing about? If he never attends any functions with you, most people have never seen your husband's face ever, is that something that would be an argument worthy issue? If he promises that on thanksgiving or Christmas, both of you will visit the wife's family but then when Thanksgiving\Christmas\Eid\or whatever holiday comes along, he's already planned a trip somewhere else or does not want to honor the promise and never keeps promises would that be something to bring up? It's the other person's way or the highway most of the time, the controlling, stubborn personalities that are so difficult to adjust with.

if you want to go to couples' counselling to make the relationship strong but he refuses, is that battle worthy?

If you end up agreeing and doing everything he or she wants, is there a fine line between doormat and compromise?

Even with friends and coworkers, at what point do you stand up and at what point do you forget about it and just go along with it to keep the peace?

GG. If you gave him the time, space and understanding he asked for...only a mentally deficient fool would not go once in a while.

My husband hatesssss parties with a passion. He doesn't like them because he cannot each much of the food served...dietary restrictions. I get asked a bazillion times about where he is, how he is, haven't met your new husband, etc. It doesn't bother me at all...because he works hard, he's a good guy and I know he wouldn't like how he felt going home from a party like that. Why push someone? Especially if you're not willing to show ANY leniency on your own part? And honestly, what impact do parties make on your relationship? In reality? Social events where the focus is on mingling with OTHER people, not your husband. There's no nourishing or building going on at social events. If someone is really opposed to them, its not worth fighting over at all.

You know how people say give and take? There's a reason they say GIVE first. You give first and THEN you become worthy of taking.