Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
I dunno but I think this explains why someone would still go after a guy who’s proved to hate his own child:
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Sara, with all due respect, kuch acha nahi bol sakte tu chup raho yar.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Ok, the first part doesnt apply to her, but the second part does.
Does she really think she'll be any different if she marries and has kids with him? there are no "magic" women who can "change" dirty men into being good guys. The sooner everyone (and this definitely isn't related to just desis) realizes that, the better.
A man who hates his own child? no matter the circumstances with his wife/ex-wife any man with an ounce of respect or compassion would never say/do/feel that. Someone who is capable of hating their own flesh and blood isn't capable of loving anyone else either.
She got in a relationship with him and she found out he was bad news--that's brutal and it sucks. But at least she found out before hse got married and had kids with him. The issue isn't with being in a bad relationship or a failed one, it's in wanting to go back DESPITE knowing everything. I get that she's heartbroken, but its your job as a friend to help her see the rationality and logic behind why it would be such a bad idea to go back to him. If after all that.....she still does, at least you know YOU did your best to help her.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Now this ^ I agree with. Not sure why she is willingly throwing herself under the bus :(
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
U mean going out and finding a boyfriend ended badly for a pakistani girl im shocked . She got herself a boyfriend , now should deal with everything that comes with it
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
in such case a gril helping girl is recipe for a disaster. :D
That guy is preying on your friend. As long as your friend tell you "what he says"
You being a girl just going to facilitate the process.
You friend need to show those messages, to his F-in parents.
Get her parents involved WHEN EVER HE CONTACTS HER!!!
Should not try to look into "what he is thinking" , should not judge him.
He is doing things out of his instinct. You friend is the prey Stay the F away.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
U mean going out and finding a boyfriend ended badly for a pakistani girl im shocked . She got herself a boyfriend , now should deal with everything that comes with it
Lol, like what? Marry him? Live a life of misery with this guy?
Suicide is haram brother...haram.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Not marry him but dont boyfriend him in first place talking of haram how halal is a boyfriend ? And dont tell me hes not a boyfriend: if he is not nikahed with her and they were meeting up, they were boyfriend/girlfriend and glance and touch and each moment spent togather is considered a form of zina. I have no respect for a woman who finds her own "man" by trial and error.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
yea, you said, "deal with everything that comes with it." exactly how? das?
you're talking about what's done is done..... she can't go back in time and not have met him.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Well part of advise is to understand that the whole relationship was illicit in front of allah to begin with so chances of any baraka from something like that r low. Only after having acknowleged what went wrong can we make the next decision. 1. Make taubah 2. Give thanks to allah that he saved u from him could have been worse u could have married him or he could have tarnished u otherwise ( no need to explain.more) 3. Close this chapter as part of taubah is to close the channels leading to the act. 4. Make dua that allah replaces him with some much better. No reason to b confused.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Well part of advise is to understand that the whole relationship was illicit in front of allah to begin with so chances of any baraka from something like that r low
Seriously? I've been noticing the comments you have made in some other threads too. Really shows your mentality. Talking to a guy is not haraam and getting parents involved once you feel you're both right for each other is not wrong in any way. It would have been wrong if she was having actual illicit relations with him in secret, not regretting any of it, and not being bothered by it when his parents didn't accept her. Those are the kind of the girls that, I agree, deserve whatever comes their way. But this girl isn't one of them.
She is a really good girl, and that's part of the problem. Guys like this usually go for girls who are vulnerable ... who have never had any previous history so they know they can easily manipulate them into falling for them. When he first started showing interest in her, everyone (including me) encouraged her to talk to him and find out if they have anything in common. There is nothing haraam in doing that. And no one could have seen it coming that he would have a child at such a young age or what kind of person he would turn out to be.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
You friend need to show those messages, to his F-in parents. Get her parents involved WHEN EVER HE CONTACTS HER!!!
Dude, his parents live in Pakistan. They're not here to witness anything. The only way to inform them would be for the girl's parents to give them a call. But I don't see any good coming out of that. They'll just blame everything on the girl once again that she is using this opportunity to trap their son who cannot possibly be serious about marrying her.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Dude, his parents live in Pakistan. They're not here to witness anything. The only way to inform them would be for the girl's parents to give them a call. But I don't see any good coming out of that. They'll just blame everything on the girl once again that she is using this opportunity to trap their son who cannot possibly be serious about marrying her.
I am not surprised. If you were such a visionary you wont be posting here asking for ideas.
All I am saying is, your friend is 100% victim, you are 60%, I doubt you can think like an outsider.
Don't let your friend suffer, guy is a b-tch. GET RID of him.... get some one involved.
Cut the thing lose... don't try to dissolve it. I know its hard for a girl for for 2 girls to do... but that what needed.
How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
My obvious advice is the same, she is being emotionally manipulated and only she can realize on her own that he's no good for her. I have seen girls suffer in these destructive relationships but they still chose to stay and most of the time anyone telling them otherwise eventually become the bad guys. Just support her and I agree with the sentiments that her family needs to be involved with keeping her on track and supporting her even if this jerk is trying to reel himself back in. Low life's likes this will stop at nothing. They can't do much about him or his family, and nor should anyone keep any sort of ties with them but you need to talk to your friends family and let them know so they can help. She can't forget this kid on her own, it will take a lot of love and support. That is even if she's willing too.
Well part of advise is to understand that the whole relationship was illicit in front of allah to begin with so chances of any baraka from something like that r low. Only after having acknowleged what went wrong can we make the next decision. 1. Make taubah 2. Give thanks to allah that he saved u from him could have been worse u could have married him or he could have tarnished u otherwise ( no need to explain.more) 3. Close this chapter as part of taubah is to close the channels leading to the act. 4. Make dua that allah replaces him with some much better. No reason to b confused.
Ugh, and enter the preachers who know best. why is religion brought into everything. What's illicit or not is not up to you and what kind of consequences or baraka will or won't be received isn't up to you either ..
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
A man who is capable of hating his own child, truly a maasoom in any failed relationship isn't worth one tear. Your friend is foolish to want to be with a man capable of abandoning his child and having hate in his heart for that child.
This is the fate that could be her own and her childrens. Enough said.
Bulls eye.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Can someone explain to me why there are so many d-bags in our community? Why do we keep hearing story after story of losers like this?
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Can someone explain to me why there are so many d-bags in our community? Why do we keep hearing story after story of losers like this?
Because there are plenty of naive girls out there who fall for guys like this.
Re: How to help a friend see the light and move onto from a painful past?
Can someone explain to me why there are so many d-bags in our community? Why do we keep hearing story after story of losers like this?
Maybe they appear to be "so many" because its obviously an issue worth discussing. I really do believe there are way more men who make decent, loyal, caring husband/ son/ father/ brother then there are those that are not... its just that there is nothing to discuss when it comes to these good men. I mean if i went on and on about how my husband cooked thai for lunch and steaks for dinner so i could get a break then people would be thinking "ok, so?"