I have some advice for you for a beautiful and healthy baby:
Pray that Allah swt gives his/her parents some aqal.
Are you educated? I swear these threads remind me of PCG sometimes…she is not always wrong you know.
Is there anything else you can offer this baby aside from your skin color? Not health but the color of your skin?
I pray that Allah guides you to a better path in life.
There are no defined parameters of beauty in Islam…did you know that? The first person to give Adhan was Hazrat Bilal and his voice was said to be the most beautiful ever. Was Hazrat Bilal a white man? No. He was not. Do you know anything about him? Do you pray? Do you understand what you pray?
Namaz mein jo alfaaz apke fair fair moon mubarak se nikal rahe hote hein…vo samaj mein atey hein apko? Ya uthak baithak kar ke mamla khatam hojata hai?
Kuch andaza hai ke jis mazhab ko aap follow karti hein…us mein apki soorat se zyada apki seerat dekhi jati hai?
Let’s not forget that Allah bestows his mercy on whomsoever He chooses.
Are we not wrong to question His action?
We don’t know what the OP has in her heart so let’s not be so heavy-handed.
Our objective should be to enlighten. It will be hard to achieve that if we attack.
I’m choosing her decision to try to question his mercy on her. I’ve seen women being blessed with being pregnant and then they talk like this. It saddens me. There are people out there who have been dying to become parents and then we have people who want boys with green eyes.
I’m sorry if I came off as attacking. I dont do that to people. I am just very disappointed.
i know what will work…have a person who is alsooo really gora, has bili bili eye and has nice features…stand in front of you…and SLAP you few times. That will make sure all the darkness/ugliness is out of your system inshALLAh and inshAllah that darkness will not affect the baby.
Thanks for explaining.
I understand and I know that it’s not in your nature to attack. While I did quote your post, the comments were directed to several, not you alone.
I just wanted to achieve some good out of this thread and instead of turning her away I’d rather she learned that her glass is definitely half full.
If you were to meet someone from a remote village and they said these things to you, would you tell them to grow a brain? I don’t think that you would because if you are able to understand that her request is misguided then you can also judge that she needs enlightenment…not an angry rebuke.
I just had a long day consoling a friend who is ttc since 2 years now and has been told she might not be able to have kids. This thread just made me think about her and her begging and pleading to God to make her a mother.
People like the OP need some sense to be put in them. I hope she understands.
It’s just so sad and ironic. You are clearly attracted to your dark skinned husband, but you don’t want his part to reflect on your baby which is also his child?
I wonder if you felt equally nervous, insecure and prejudiced when you made love with your dark skinned husband to have this baby? Just think about this, really hard.
I am in a similar position where I share the pain of at least three different couples that are ttc. They would give an arm and a leg for a child…no matter what complexion, what colour or size of eyes, what physical state…just to have a child. And all three have faced miscarriages at one point or another.
May Allah grant them peace and grant the OP wisdom, ameen.
I person who is on GS and has a computer with internet access…doesn’t matter where they are from…i will say the something. The lady here of GS asking this question is not jahil…so YES grow a brain to her.
If i were to meet someone in person from a remote village…i will give them a same message but in a nicer tone. Educate them since they didn’t have the opportunity.
I definitely do see the difference and am asking you to see what I mean…
Just by having internet access and being able to articulate thoughts into a discussion does not mean that they are enlightened.
We also do not have any insight into what is motivating her to request such totkas and duas. We have no clue how educated her in-laws are and whether or not she is facing extreme pressure from them to produce an offspring in her likeness. (I’ve personally seen this happen and have seen the pain when a child born to two seemingly fair and attractive parents (mother having light eyes) did not take after the mother and have equally green/grey eyes.)
Ok, I’ll prob get bashed for this but anyway…so when i found out i was pregnant…i was super-excited, prayed all the time for a healthy baby…but the one thing i regret doing/thinking…was obsessing over how my baby would look. Specifically his nose. My husband’s side of the family have wonky noses…i did not want my baby to have a wonky nose. My husband is very handsome…but i thought his nose was too manly to be on a delicate little baby. When he was born.. i didn’t even care. I was just happy to have him in my arms and stare into his wrinkly little face…healthy, alhumdulillah.
And going on something a previous poster said, i think there is an element of…what will Allah take away to teach me a lesson? It’s a scary thought. My son has a birthmark that covers the back of his left hand…it looks like a bruise, doesn’t affect my son at all…it’s just a marking…and sometimes i think Allah put it there to serve as a reminder to me. I say astaghfar all the time and ask for forgiveness for my shallow/vain thoughts during pregnancy…they were stupid…in the end, i am so thankful for the amazing gift Allah bestowed upon me…no matter what. I mean just think…Allah gave me this beautiful little baby. Without His Will nothing happens..and He thought i was worthy of His gift.
Don’t ruin your pregnancy by thinking these things…i think everyone has these superficial moments …but don’t make that your primary focus…the baby will be however he/she is meant to be…just pray for a healthy and happy baby. Don’t read the Quran purely so you can have a pretty kid…that isn’t what it was meant for. Be thankful that you are pregnant…it is really an amazing thing.
you’re right, I haven’t.
I think I’m glad that I haven’t.
I do suspect however, from what you and others are suggesting, that OP is definitely is not enlightened. And that’s the same point that I am trying to drive home here.
I hope the OP was able to get something out of this thread and see things clearly.
Someone in my own family is trying to have a baby right now. They were told they cannot.
I want to have a baby someday but I’m not sure if I will or won’t. These things are in Allah’s hands. All I pray for is a healthy baby that grows into an example for others.
If all you want to offer your child is gori rangat then I fear your world is very small and desperately needs to be enlightened as Muzna says or it will always stay that way.
Someone once told me that our job as parents is to make the future 50% better for our kids.
I hope you have a healthy baby and you’re able to live this child no matter what color he or she is.
I agree with khatti here. This is 2014 . Anyone having kids now should try to break this insane complex that comes from rang roop and the idea of beauty that set the bar eons ago. We should raise sons who want something more than a pretty face and girls who won’t settle for a man who gives preference to the dakyanoosipan. How do we change anything if we simply hand out the totkas of our ancestor as heirloom nuggets that can fix it all. I believe in reading surah Yusuf and surah Maryam or any other dua or surah to calm the heart during pregnancy. I refuse to acknowledge that surah Yusuf will guarantee a boy because then every woman on his planet would be a reminder that surah Yusuf failed to work its magic. The quran is there to purify our hearts and thoughts. It is not a genie that that can fulfill our ridiculous wishes. I think the whole totkas for gora rang are actually just nutritious food that a pregnant woman should eat for a happy healthy pregnancy. It won’t lighten darken or give your baby big eyes or more hair. Time to wake up and even when there is a buzurg that tells you that there is something not right with your chold, sit down and explain to them how deliriously happy you are to have the unique child Allah gave you and grateful for its naimat. It might fly over their head because common sense is never so common but it might just sink in. I have two girls who look different from each other and as beautiful as they are, I hear the oh they look so different and one is lighter than the other. And I am like yes they are and they are exactly what I prayed for. There are people will hammer insecurities in your kids because they are insecure themselves or they just don’t know better. My own mother who I love dearly is the first to point out my physical flaws before another gets a chance. She does the laugh at yourself so others don’t because she is all about the importance of superficiality. They give totkas and point out how to make the nose bareek or let them hang so they get tall. Sometimes I stay awake thinking how do I show these girls what they look like from my eyes instead of comments others casually mention. It’s hard so we at some point have to change our perspective of beauty so that when these children grow up and become mothers, they don’t have to worry about this jahalat.
I know so many girls who were born beautiful, even I was one of them..( can show my pics when I was born ) but if you my mother all other girls mother that what their girls have been throu in their life I’m sure you think twice before asking any dua for kids,
I’m not a mother yet, but whenever I hear about someone is pregnant or for my friends kids I always pray for their achi Qismat and I pray that they become a good Muslim so that they will become Sadqa e Jariya for their parents
hazrat yousaf was very famous for his beauty and in this surah the incidence of his beauty is narrated tu bus logo ne apne pass se bana lye hai k surat yousaf parho tu bacha khoobsart ho ga.
well I want to tell you an incident my BIL had baby 2 years ago he was mashahallah very healthy almost 4 kgs n fair and beautiful but happened he died during delivery. so plz just pray k bacha physically and mentally he must be fine, I go to therapy center daily trust me the 1 hour I sit there I keep thanking ALLAH for healthy baby, there are so many kids around us wth physical and mental issues tht just pray to ALLAH and leave everything aside.
) but if you my mother all other girls mother that what their girls have been throu in their life I’m sure you think twice before asking any dua for kids,