My friend Rubia just had a baby boy three days ago. She has a two year old daughter. Her sister-in-law Lubna (nand) does not have any kids and she has been married for 4 yrs. My friend and her husband both were very happy until her Lubna came to see the baby and said she will like to adopt the baby.
On the other hand Rubia’s other sister-in-law is going to have 2nd baby soon too.
When Rubia said to Lubna that she is not giving up her son and she should ask her sister. She said oh its not easy for her sister to have baby.
Rubia’s husband is feeling sorry for his sister and almost ready to give her the baby but Rubia is not happy and she is staying with me right now.
Rubia will be reading all replies so please be kind. Any kind of suggestion that will resolve the problem will be appreciated.
I told her to stay calm and talk to the husband, because he will not do anything to harm her.
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You are right he wont do anything to harm her. She should NOT give up the baby in my opinion and it is very wrong for the lady Lubna to be asking someone for their baby. its one thing if rabia had made the offer herself to lubna. Why doesnt Lubna try adoption centers?
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my goodness, asking a happy new mom to give up her precious baby? Sorry, thats not an option.
Lubna should visit an infertility doc or an adoption center.
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This is just an opinion
Lubna cannot reasonably expect someone to give up a child on a whim of hers
being married for 4 years and not having children doesnt mean she cant have one of her own...
has Lubna been told she cant have them? if she has problems can they be dealt with , medically?
why doesnt Lubna adopt and orphan.
From what you say ( and im aware this is biased) Lubna sounds rather insensitive and greedy
your friend has every right to say no... what would teh child say when they grew up, Im sure it wouldnt be that pleased with being given up
I know a girl who is from a pakistani family in the uk, the parents had about two sons and three daughters and she was the fourth girl
she was given away to a sister in law and her hubby, her life was good, she went to university and eventually got married and had children but even now she cant get over the fact thet her mum gave her away...even though she had a better standard of living then her other bro's and sisters
She doesnt speak to them
she feels as if there was something wrong with her.
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Im sure lubna must have known when the bhabhi was expecting, so any ideas of adoption should have been discussed then. Im sure it must be very awkward for Rubia to be faced with the question out of the blue... but it is her child and while the nazuk rishta of nand bhabhi is underconsideration, this is not some thing Rubia should feel compelled to do at all.
This must be discussed heart to heart between Rubia and her husband. She is not being selfish but she cannot be asked to just give up her child even if its for a family member who longs for one and cannot have one.
The Husband who is Lubnas brother should talk to Lubna after his discussion with his wife Rubia in Rubia's presence, gently explaining that while both of them understand her desire and would support her in other avenues like finding adoption centers etc they are not going to give up this child for adoption. She should be lovingly told that its not fair to suddenly come up with this idea especially since it was not discussed earlier as Rubia was not carrying this child to hand it over- not physically, mentally or emotionally and taking the child away would be devastating to her.
If Lubna has issues adopting children not from her familial line, then perhaps she can talk about the option of adopting a child who may be born in the future to this sister in law or other sisters. But it must be discussed before hand.
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Thanks for all the replies.
Per Lubna her husband has problem and they did go to ferlity clinic.
She is saying she want to adopt from her brother because thats the only child who will be dear to her.
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The husband needs to understand his wife's feelings. Maybe they can have another child and let them adopt the third one? Its HER kid too, not just his. He cant just give the baby away without her consent.
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she can only find one blood line “dear” to her? will not love another child as much?
beggers cant be choosers
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I think the relationship between Rubia and her husband is far more important than her husband and his sister. He has to understand his priorities here. Wife is his important half and if she isn't happy with giving up her child (who would be?) then that's the end of that store..
I can't even imagine anyone asking that same question to my wife (tobe) .. before she gets mad i will be over the meter grrrrr
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That is extremely insensitive of Lubna to be asking for the baby. Your friend shouldnt feel pressured to give up her child at all and tell her husband clearly that she has no intention to do so. If Lubna is destined to have kids she will have kids of her own. If she cannot wait she should adopt an orphan. What kind of bs is this that her nephew is the only child she can love? Utter crap I say.
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then she should definitely understand how dear the child will be to the MOTHER:rolleyes:
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Totally agree with FF, LD and everyone.
Rubia is staying with me so she does not have to listen to any of them. Her husband is on her side but Lubna has not been listening to any one. She does not want to adopt from anyone.
I guess she just like to torch Rubia. Lubna's sister just had a son yesterday and she won't ask her own sister.
Adoption was not discussed before the baby was born with Rubia and her husband so its a sock for them.
Lets hope she will leave soon.
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Yes she should.
I asked Rubia to show this thread to Lubna so she will know how unfair she is and how normal people think.
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I think Lubna is probably feeling very emotional at the moment too so showing this thread to her at this moment may be potentially very harmful for their relationship..and as this type of negativety gets adopted or passed on to otehr members of the family ie in laws etc
perhaps it need to be done in a more sensitive way
ie sit her down and say ..you are not getting my child because .........
let her know that she will be supported if she pursues different avenues..
there is the possibility ( if it isnt done sensitively)of other people thinking that she has been unfairly treated because she does have a problem and if she (lubna) plays on this ...she can make herself look like the victim and Rubia the nasty one...after all she has what Lubna... wants two of em!
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I think Lubna is jealous (inside) that her 'bhabhi' has 2 kids while she herself doesn't have 1. Asking for a kid for adoption without willingness of mother is a zulm. If Rubia's husband is with her than its his responsibility to show his sister the highway!
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WTF is wrong with people? You can't ask a new mom to give up her baby... Lubna needs to go see a shrink more than a fertility clinic. What is wrong with Rubia/Rabia's husband that he's even considering this over the wishes of his wife? Someone like Lubna needs to be told to go f themselves when they say something so idiotic. ARGGH, I'm just mad.
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I think one should really look at the behaviour of the said child's father. I dont think he was ready to be a dad. There is more to his willingness to give his child up for adoption than feeling sorry for his sister.
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Well, of course I agree with the people who said she should NOT give her baby to Lubna. That's riduculous. I had to re-read this thread several times to get it through my head that it's not a joke....some woman actually is doing this.
OK, now the following is gonna sound very cruel. If this Lubna woman is this insensitive and inconsiderate to a new mom.....if she can pick and choose which baby she can love and call her own(she's willing to adopt Rubia's baby but not a needy orphan...Rubia's baby maybe be related to her by blood but it's still NOT her blood that's running through the baby's veins)....if she's this selfish and narrow minded, then maybe it's a good thing that she can't have her own biological children.
If Lubna can't love an orphan as her own b/c they're not "blood family", well then what if she get's Rabia's baby, and if the baby doesn't live upto Lubna's expectations, is she going to stop loving/caring for the baby b/c then she can say "well it's not my biological baby"??!! Heck what about Rubia's 2 year old daughter?? Doesn't she deserve to grow up with her baby brother?? If Lubia is this inconsiderate/insensitive to Rubia, her 2 year old daughter, and even her brother(how on earth can she put him in this position?!!), just imagine what kind of mother she'll make!! There are THOUSANDS of children all over the world who are dying for love and affection....who has never known what its like to have a mom or dad to come home to....and this woman just decided she can't love any of them b/c they're not "blood", and is trying to take a baby boy from his own parents.....it's beyond ridiculous!!
I'm very glad that Rubia's husband is supporting her.
Rubia should fight for her baby boy not only on her behalf, but also on behalf of her 2 year old daughter who has every right to grow up with her baby brother as her own brother....not a cousin. Do NOT give up under any circumstances. Your #1 priority in life is the welfare of your children and husband. Believe me, years from now IF your son does find out about this whole mess somehow, he will thank you(that's an understatement BTW) for loving him enough to fight for him and not letting anyone come between the two of you.
Also, adoption is not Lubna's only choice. If she's hell bent on having someone related by blood, tell her to consider getting pregnant using IVF or get a surrogate mother.
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Thanks for all the replies, Rubia is reading everyone's advise. She feels better that no one thinks that she is selfish. Her husband is on her side and he told his sister to go away, she will be leaving on satureday. Now she thinks that she should atleast name the baby, which is too late because Rubia already filled the paper work in hospital.
Lets see where her whining is going to end.
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Sad to see what desperation can do to people. What is the boy named by he way?