i have only come across available men like that. i seem to be a magnet for it.
Not everything is so black n white though. Before, he did get down on his knees and say he loves me but obviously it was all a big show.
The one abusive person that I was around before, when I did finally get the guts to call the police, that person started becoming even scarier and more verbally abusive. Fun life. I guess I'll see what happens after I chat with his sister the next time he tries to come over.
This guy is a stalker. He has no respect for you. I would be concerned both for your reputation and for your safety. Why on Earth are you letting this continue?
i have only come across available men like that.** i seem to be a magnet for it.**
Not everything is so black n white though. Before, he did get down on his knees and say he loves me but obviously it was all a big show.
The one abusive person that I was around before, when I did finally get the guts to call the police, that person started becoming even scarier and more verbally abusive. Fun life. I guess I'll see what happens after I chat with his sister the next time he tries to come over.
Hopefully Allah will bring one of those good men.
That's probably what nadz says about her MIL problems. It's not the world, it's you. You recognize that these guys are losers yet do nothing to shut them down. Don't complain when you get off on the drama. The fact that you're using half measures is proof. If he's not leaving you alone: contact his wife, his parents, his sister, your family, the cops, hell, people at his workplace if that's what it takes. He clearly thinks you're a doormat so your words mean nothing. Until you act he'll keep trying.
OP, this guy clearly does not respect you enough to make you his wife so why on earth are you allowing yourself to be used until his wife comes over? To me that shows that he has a total lack of regard for you. What will happen when she gets to your country? It is guaranteed that he will stop stalking you and will be with his wife instead. Therefore, he shouldn't get to take any of your time in any form right now just because he is lonely. You need to ACT on your words. The next time he comes knocking on your door, call the cops. Do not hesitate and stop letting this guy walk all over you. No guy will respect you until you respect yourself.
Also, be positive. Everything happens for a reason. The reason why it did not work out for you with this guy is because Allah has a better plan for you. Focus on YOU and remove this toxic person out of your life permanently and IA good things will happen for you- but the right person cannot enter your life if the wrong one is still hanging around.
i have only come across available men like that. i seem to be a magnet for it.
Not everything is so black n white though. Before, he did get down on his knees and say he loves me but obviously it was all a big show.
The one abusive person that I was around before, when I did finally get the guts to call the police, that person started becoming even scarier and more verbally abusive. Fun life. I guess I'll see what happens after I chat with his sister the next time he tries to come over.
Hopefully Allah will bring one of those good men.
What can Allah do when youre attractd to controlling bad boy types ?
GlobalGal, I think the reason that your ex continues to harass you in spite of you telling him to leave you alone and threatening to get the police involved is that you have done nothing but make empty threats. You've stated that you warned him that you’ll get your family or the police involved but have done nothing to indicate that you are serious about this. At this point, he knows that you are not serious about your threats to take action against him and, as such, believes that there no consequences for his actions.
I don’t want to sound terribly harsh and I apologise if I do but this must be said. You must stop being so considerate and respectful of someone who clearly doesn't love or respect you. If this gentleman had truly loved you, he would have quietly gone about his life and allowed you to go about rebuilding your life and move on from him the second he found out that he couldn't marry you. People who love each other want the best for each other, even if that means being apart. He has done the exact opposite. Bluntly stated, he only views you as a potential "woman on the side.” Have no illusions about that. Why else would an engaged man continue to insist with a woman he cannot marry? As Queer stated, you must acquire a backbone and take action against him if you truly want him out of your life.
Repercussions of telling his wife? I'd possibly be destroying their marriage and any family relations between his family and his wife's family.
calling the police will have my neighbors gossiping til the cows come home since a cop car has it siren going. My neighbors are always out and I live in close proximity to all of them.
Telling his sister, i'm afraid that when I look at the thread regarding how a female is seen if she goes out on a lunch date with her male colleagues quite a few times, she'll be seen as a slut(in not exactly those words) but in that thread quite a few women said that they would keep their brothers away from those women or see those women as *insert demeaning word here. I wrote out a whole message to his sister and was about to press the send button but then since his whole family lives not too far from me in the same city, all hell would break loose. In that thread, the sisters were very judgmental and downright mean in their comments.
this has more to do with having foresight and thinking about the repercussions of taking certain actions and who it hurts/effects rather than having a backbone and having courage.
Are your neighbors brown? I don't see how neighbors have anything to do with the safety of your well-being. If they're not taking care of you, they don't matter. Whatchu thinkin' Willis
Have you considered that he doesn't care about hurting your reputation or your relationship with your family? Given the mentality many people have, what do suppose they'll say about you if someone were to see him at your house or in your car (like the incident you described)? I'm not so sure they'll give you the benefit of the doubt and believe you when you say that he is the one stalking you. It's rather likely that they will blame you for the entire situation. That right there should be reason enough to do something to put an end to this idiocy. If this should escalate and something were to happen, your neighbours, who you're worried will gossip about you, won't do a thing to support you and will likely gossip anyway.
As far as destroying his marriage, quite frankly, it is not much of a marriage to begin with. He is insisting with you (and I'm sure you know what he's after) despite being engaged to some poor girl. It rather sounds like he, himself, doesn't have too much respect for his marriage and that it is already destroyed.
Honestly, based on the loads of excuses you've made, it rather sounds like you don't want the stalking to stop completely but simply want him to be more discreet about it. If you were actually disturbed by his behaviour and seriously wanted it to stop, you would have involved your family or the authorities a long time ago rather than simply stating "oh, I looked him in the eyes and told him to stop" and allowing him to continue stalking you.
Repercussions of telling his wife? I'd possibly be destroying their marriage and any family relations between his family and his wife's family.
calling the police will have my neighbors gossiping til the cows come home since a cop car has it siren going. My neighbors are always out and I live in close proximity to all of them.
Telling his sister, i'm afraid that when I look at the thread regarding how a female is seen if she goes out on a lunch date with her colleagues quite a few times, she'll be seen as a slut(in not exactly those words) but in that thread quite a few women said that they would keep their brothers away from those women or see those women as a insert demeaning word here. I wrote out a whole message to his sister and was about to press the send button but then since his whole family lives not too far from me in the same city, all hell would break loose. The sisters were very judgmental and downright mean in their comments.
this has more to do with having foresight and thinking about the repercussions of taking certain actions and who it hurts/effects rather than having a backbone and having courage.
Admit it. You simply care too much about this guy to do anything about it!
The OP is not in love with the guy. If she were, she would have been thrilled when he said that he doesn't care about his wife finding out....and would have taken this to mean that he does not love her and try to use this to her advantage. The fact that she's considering ways to get him off her back...shows that she doesn't want him in her life. I think it's too simplified to attribute her feeling of fear/hesitation to that of love.
It is prudent for her to think of the possible consequences of her actions. Reminds of the time my sister got robbed. The police was called, but my parents decided not to press charges because there was speculation that there was a ring of people living within the apartment complex that was involved in it. This is just an example...of thinking of of possible consequences before rushing to act.
I do agree with others on here that she should contact his family and that she needs to toughen up some, but I don't think she has the same level/extent of feelings that she once had for him.
^Whether the OP's feelings are love is another matter, but she definitely has some sort of feelings for this gentleman. Otherwise, the fact that he is stalking her and that he snuck into her car without her permission would have terrified her. It clearly doesn't as she has allowed it to continue.
Mezghan, if she felt wholly comfortable with this guy's b-wood style shenanigans, she wouldn't be concerned at all. She's feeling frustrated......more frustrated than flattered. It's natural to feel uncomfortable taking an extreme measure against someone you once had a friendship with. But she needs to understand it won't be extreme...it's justified. His actions are extreme and reflect no regard for her or his wife. Therefore, she should have no regard for him either. Even if that regard is in the form of pity for him....she needs to toughen up...cuz the guy is not displaying any consideration or sensitivity for anyone. However, I can and do understanding thinking through consequences before acting.
Personally I would tell his fiancee because the girl deserves to know. Her life will be ruined by marrying that guy. He doesn't deserve someone who probably is going into the relationship expecting the best.