Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
Rainbow,
As much as I would hate to be in your shoes right now...I wouldn't suggest leaving your home.
Sometimes you have to hold down your position in order to establish it. Its your home, your husband and you get to make the rules.
My suggestion is to make things uncomfortable for her so she senses she isn't welcome anymore. For the dheet types out there, you have to do that. Don't do it all the time in front of your husband so he doesn't come at you. Ask her for the laptop when she is using it and don't give it back. Ask her for it for a few minutes and keep it for a few hours. Stop catering to her, take your stuff out of the bathroom so she doesn't use it all the time. Give her some HUGE signals so she gets it. And lastly, ask her to take care of some of the things around the house. I know this last bit is bold but again...you gotta do what you gotta do.
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
I agree wholeheartedly with what enigmatic said above.
Guests who stay so long should not be treated as guests, but rather given responsibilities as members of the household. That said, you need to make the best of a bad situation. You will not be able to ask her to leave, that would be extremely rude for any hostess to do regardless of whether she is tired of the guest or not. What IS in your hands however is making sure that she is not such a burden to you as otherwise.
Giving her chores and telling her to take care of her own things is good. She could pull her own weight around there. That should keep her busy and out of your hair and you wouldnt feel like you are waiting on her hand and foot which can be very draining to a person. You can also limit time on your laptop or refuse to give it out for personal reasons or whatever.
Beyond that, there is not much you can do. Keep in mind that the things you put up with and the tolerance you show for things you do not like, you get leverage for things in the future that you DO want. If you put on a smiling face and put up with it, since your husband also knows that you dont like it, it would increase your worth in his eyes.
Who knows what favors that friend has done for him in the past that he is allowing the sister to stay over?
Or perhaps when he was a student someone any of his friends' families showed him hospitality perhaps or did him favors that one expects only from family and he wants to complete the circle?
Keep in mind that men really like their own privacy as well and for him to do this, there must be reasons, possibly very personal reasons too and you should support him in that.
Be a support to him and increase your value in his eyes.
Treat her kindly but firmly and appoint chores to her. Guests who stay so long cannot expect hospitality day in and day out, they must pull their own weight.
And do not let other people interfere in your home life. Don't involve your parents or anyone. It is between you and your husband, guard that fiercely.
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
a strange woman coming to live with me and hubby sounds so awful if I was not not happy with it and she wasn't a close relative or anything. So I totally understand where your coming from, I mean I bet he would hate it if you invited some random guy over. Anyway islamically this is incorrect....you really need to speak to him on a serious level or get yours and his parents involved to back you up.
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
shouldnt really keep a random lady at home...shes not even blood related...wt if later she develops feelings for hubby....sounds dramatised...but these days koi nai patha...better 2 be careful!
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
terhi ungli sey ghee nikaalna peray ga
start being a lil obnoxious, -add more salt/mirch to the food you give her so she has to eat it and not let it go to waste (if she refuses to eat it, you can point to your hubby that she's being a bit fussy and wasting food in your house)
-accidently 1-2 times spill ink or something on her clothes, you can apologize and since she's a guest she'll be upset but won't outrightly blow out at you!
-when she's studying you can play loud music near her or start watching a movie or loudly start talking on the phone. she'll be bugged but can't ask you to shut up
-as for the laptop when she's using it, go sit near her and do nothing, just keep on looking at the time and waiting impatiently, and if she asks you can say "a friend from another country was supposed to come online and chat with me,are you done yet?", take the laptop and go to your room
just do it subtly in a way that gives her no reason to complain to your hubby or her brother but bugs her enough to feel that her independence and freedom are being curtailed in someone else's house. If her friends come over, go sit with them or hover around, they're bound to feel uncomfortable!
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
i'm currently dealing with a worse situation and I call my aunt, her useless husband and my cousin my houseguests from hell.
Anyhow back to the subject i would point out that islamically there is no blood relation between him and her and point it out to his parents and who has the guts to argue with an islamically sound argument? NO ONE that has respect at least, so trust me arrangements would be made for the little lady that's trying to save money, and live off of you and your husband.
At the same time some pakistani people have no freaking decency when it comes to this, i'm about to kill my houseguests...ok maybe not kill them but I have kinda realized if something was to happen to my dad I don't think anyone in my house would ever have anything to do with this family bc for 11 years they come and stay with us for MONTHS to keep their stupid greencard going and just live off of us. I don't know how a man can live off of his brother in law (my dad) and sleep on my living room floor while his daughter takes the guest room to herself. UGH I could go on but I should stop.
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
yeah feign illness, or random quick to recover from illness like migraine or tummy ache and if she's nice and says "can I help with something?" ask her to do the dishes and wash clothes and cook!
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
@Gujjar999 Oh I wasn't angry! I'm aggresive, even in my affection, I don't just hug, I squeeze the life out of people, including my dad who is currently blaming his aching bones on me, ha. it obviously came across as anger. Pardon that.
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
This sounds really, REALLY WEIRD!!
Honestly, long post cut short... I wouldn't be surprised if the husband suddenly took on a second wife.
Seems like he is trial-running a new missus in his house!!
Reading this post and the one Mirch posted earlier.. Your husband really doesn't care at all about anything you have to say or how hurt you feel due to his actions towards you..
This is NOT how a marriage should be!
And oh, the minute he called your daughter a haramzadi, that would've been the last time he saw my face and that of his daughters!!
NO-ONE swears at my chid and gets away with it.
Today he is swearing at her, tomorrow he will be beating her before forcing her to marry the highest bidder!!
Astagfirullah, I'm sorry.. but this guys is NUTS!!
Re: how to get rid of an unwanted house guest.. :s
He can be really nice and caring as well…as I said we had a couple of very peaceful and happy weeks before this women came back .I am not worried about them developing feelings for each other (she is 45 I think) but its def. annoying. And its also annoying that he is not respecting my feelings and what I think of this situation.As I said he can be nice but I just hate his foul language and how he is just plain selfish sometimes.
I have decided that i’ll wait and see how long she stays but that this is the first and last time that my husband has invited someone (apart from the fam.) to live with us.
So at the moment she is still here and what happened in the last couple of days was just shocking…
She took a shower and left the bath tub in a horrendous state. It was so disgusting. And then when I was cleaning up the room she sleeps in, I saw that there was blood on the bed sheet. I didn’t change the bed sheet coz it was just too much. And she didn’t do anything about it either.(normally she uses the washing machine whenever she wants to, for her clothes etc) And after a week she decided to wash it…uuurrrghhh
And then when I was cleaning up the room she sleeps in, I saw that there was blood on the bed sheet. I didn’t change the bed sheet coz it was just too much. And she didn’t do anything about it either.(normally she uses the washing machine whenever she wants to, for her clothes etc) And after a week she decided to wash it…uuurrrghhh