and im talking of husbands eyes, i seem to have lost value, this is what i think, in my husbands eyes, before he would listen and explain and be patient wioth me or atleast seem to care if i wasnt talking to him or if i was quiet or if i was sad, now i could be crying and he acts like hes used to it and its no big deal…its true i do cry alot, i caNT HELP it, im annoyed at everything, his family, his sister, his mum
just today- i burnt some cloth, accidentally, and mother in law was opbvious in her anger. she said i always do this, im careless, i cant do anything properly, and then when i joked to calm her down, that il buy her new one, she got more angry and said tum hamesha ulta jawab deti ho, blah blah so i was upset told my husband i was fairly angry, and he just said why u getting ANGRY AT ME, and didnt seem bothered, he did say il talk to her but for him i think iots all just a daily drama now for him.
i hate it. dnt know what to do. he doesnt seem bothered by my tears,.or feelings. how do i regain this…he does loveme, but i think hes immune to the tears/drama/stress/pain i may feel.
please help me. everytime i wish not to talk to him, i end up going to him and talking to him and asking himmm why why why hes like this.
.. im annoyed at everything, his family, his sister, his mum
Sorry to say but that is your problem. Easiest way to lose respect of your spouse is to show hatred towards the things that he loves. Learn to love what he loves and he will shower you with love, I guarantee you that.
when men act like this, it doesn't mean they don't care or they don't love you, they just don't know what to do. men like to have a solution to every problem, when they don't they act like they don't care because they don't want you to feel their "weakness" (because to them, it amounts to that)
oh and i would advise not to joke with your MIL if she's already angry
omg. you need to stop whining and moaning about every little thing to him. like TLK said, if you can't love or show respect to the people he loves how do you expect him to keep a good relationship with you. find something good to talk about, show some respect to his family to earn some respect back from him.
You admitted that you cry a lot and that you get mad at everything. Frequently being in a negative state is not only frustrating for you.......you have to understand that it drains other people of energy as well. And not many people enjoy hearing complaints about their parents/siblings all the time. I'm not saying that you shouldn't discuss concerns with your husband......but maybe try to let some things slide as opposed to turning every thing into a battle. His mom is not going to change her ways. Even if your husband was to talk to his mother.....it's not going to bring about a change in her personality. That said...let some things go. "You don't know how to do anything right".....you'll probably hear her say that again in the future....even if you did buy her a new suit and managed to iron more carefully. Just get her the suit...and eventually it'll blow over. She'll get over it. Getting your husband to confront his mom about every single issue.......will not help things blow over....rather it'll just prolong the issues. She'll get hurt at his confrontation...he'll feel awkward...then he'll get upset at you....and the problem will just get bigger. Pick and choose your battles. Generally speaking, people are more attracted toward those who are usually positive.
You will never gain value with crying and emotional black mailing. its very very short lived. The time your husband is fed up, you lose everything plus respect as a life partner. I would say now its time to sambhalo yourself and change. Be loving, loving, loving and understanding if you want your place in his heart. And be thankful, atleast he said ok i will talk to her. What if he would have said bharh mai jao mujhey kya*.* Or tum ghalat ho wo meri maan hain wo sahi hain. Never forget afterall your MIL is his mother. You have to stop whining if you dont want to lose your husband ultimately.
From your post it looks like you're not happy living with his family. Then just move, and live with your husband somewhere else so you both can live a happier life.
You know....as angry as you are with your MIL for blowing up at you for an accident......don't take it out on your husband. Instead....put on a happy face....and very sweetly tell him how you accidentally burned Ammi Ji's clothes while ironing and that she got very upset and that you feel REALLY REALLY bad about your mistake and that you want to make it up for her by getting her a new suit. He'll appreciate your efforts at trying to sort things out with his mom. He may even be impressed. Then get her a nice suit. Present the suit to your MIL in front of your husband in a nice way and apologize to her again. And then if SHE continues to give you an attitude even at that point...............she makes herself look bad in front of her own son. So, let her be the one to lose control of her emotions and her tongue and make that mistake. As said above.....you either ignore some things.........or if you're going to deal with the problem then deal with it in a smart way...in a way that you don't end up making your own self look bad.
you dont respect him and his family but you demand respect in return.
ps. even though movies teach us woman's tear melts men's heart. well personally I find it wrong. i read it somewhere men like strong women. so try this out. cry only in your pillow. Be strong and smart. dont know whether he will love you or not, but at least he will be impressed by you.
If crying/whining is not working then not talking to him or not giving him much attention might work.
i personally find the idea of ignoring pretty flawed. why does one believe that he/she have some divine attribution that will make others suffer if they ignore them. there is a great possibility that in the mean time others do access other possibilities. my so my conjecture is its better to give them space and just be there when its required or at least just keep a smile on your face.
i personally find the idea of ignoring pretty flawed. why does one believe that he/she have some divine attribution that will make others suffer if they ignore them. there is a great possibility that in the mean time others do access other possibilities. my so my conjecture is its better to give them space and just be there when its required or at least just keep a smile on your face.
but then its just my falsafa of life.
well she obviously needs some attention and consoling which she's not getting it by crying coz her husband has become immune to it so she needs to change her tactics to gain that, it's not about making others suffer it's about letting others know that you need them.
One thing I love about my wife is that she never puts me between her and my mum. She will let off some steam about her every now and again, but then she also picks up a few good points and she always tells me not to raise a fuss with my mum. She just wants to get it off her chest by talking to someone about it. I'm sure that is the case with you ... You don't really want to put your husband in a position that he has to argue with his own mother to be kind to his wife ... However you want to speak with someone to get the frustration of your chest ...
You see someone very close to me did that to his mother he used to throw every complaint that his wife had about his mother to his own mother's face and that made it seem that his mother was of no value and all value was to his wife. Unless you really want that fitnah to occur and you want your husband to lose out in the reward of getting the blessings from his mother's happiness for him ... I think you should not expect him to take up any of your issues about his mother. Rather just tell him to listen to you and then both of you forget it ever happened.
Tolerance is the mark of a good person.
Now for protection ... Always be in a state of wudu, always recite auzdubillah when you go to interact with his mother ... this will ward away shaytan from the presence of you both and if you feel anger for anything she says drink water, sit down, lie down but curb your anger and know that this practice is a reward with Allah (SWT) and you are earning your points for the akhirah ... Patience is not a thankless task it is amongst the most commendable deeds in Islam. Read extra prayers too ... I pray that all you do is pleasing to those around you and that accidents do not happen. Always leave a place that has value with Ayat Al- Kursi and always start a job with Bismillah and you will find the difference work at once ...
Sorry to say but that is your problem. Easiest way to lose respect of your spouse is to show hatred towards the things that he loves. Learn to love what he loves and he will shower you with love, I guarantee you that.
first of all stop trying to PLEASE everyone. The only one you should try to please is Allah... take a good look at your life and try to do things only for Allah. seek HIS forgivness and be sincere. things will improve. been there done that :)
i caNT HELP it, im annoyed at everything, his family, his sister, his mum
They are your inlaws, nand and MIL. You have to realise that if you don't start putting an effort into making them your own, you will end up annoyed at everything they do.