Re: how to gain value in anotheres eyes
Hi Sara,
From what I can read, you have been depressed since very early on in your marriage. You previously said that your husband was from Pakistan and you were from the UK. Did you move to Pakistan after the wedding?
Re: how to gain value in anotheres eyes
It takes years to develop relationships and few minutes to severely damage them. For the time, please forget who was right and who was wrong. With no offence, if you want to stop this steep slope of deterioration that is occurring to your relationships, the best way would be to admit in front of the mirror that you yourself are responsible for whatever situation you are presently in. Forget the faults and flaws of your husband and in laws and start finding and correcting your own. Where did I went wrong ?!? What did I do/say that provoke them ? How can I win their heart ? Of course, the answer is that you don't have to start from zero but from minus 1000. Try to serve them as much as you can. Try to find good qualities in them and thank Allah (swt) for not being in place of those who are facing worst behavior than this from their in laws. Try to become immune to all their misbehaviors (at least for a short time) and don't even express anger on your face till the time they become dependent on you and re-gain the love that they initially had for you.
The killing of ones ego might look difficult but not if we keep praying to Allah (swt) to soften their heart for us.
p.s. Please don't forget "Meethey bol mein jaado hai"
Re: how to gain value in anotheres eyes
i didnt burn her clothes, it was the tea cosy......
Re: how to gain value in anotheres eyes
You admitted that you cry a lot and that you get mad at everything. Frequently being in a negative state is not only frustrating for you.......you have to understand that it drains other people of energy as well. And not many people enjoy hearing complaints about their parents/siblings all the time. I'm not saying that you shouldn't discuss concerns with your husband......but maybe try to let some things slide as opposed to turning every thing into a battle. His mom is not going to change her ways. Even if your husband was to talk to his mother.....it's not going to bring about a change in her personality. That said...let some things go. "You don't know how to do anything right".....you'll probably hear her say that again in the future....even if you did buy her a new suit and managed to iron more carefully. Just get her the suit...and eventually it'll blow over. She'll get over it. Getting your husband to confront his mom about every single issue.......will not help things blow over....rather it'll just prolong the issues. She'll get hurt at his confrontation...he'll feel awkward...then he'll get upset at you....and the problem will just get bigger. Pick and choose your battles. Generally speaking, people are more attracted toward those who are usually positive.
its hard being positive. yes i have moved straight to pakistan. these people here cant even go the village ( people from the city) and yet they expect me to move from the west to pakistan and adjust accordingly on their time scale.
secondly, if someone new comes into my family we make them feel at home, the feelings and hospitality has to be mutual. its not.
thirdly- how to be more positive, when inside i feel like dying.
Re: how to gain value in anotheres eyes
Sara, try to engage in positive activities. Join gym and keep yourself busy in other social activities. When your MIL and husband are in a good mood, discuss with them how you want to try your level best in adjusting to a new country after marriage. Share your problems with your MIL and husband and ask them for help. Make lots of new friends and get help in the adjustment from them. Continue your studies if you think it can help you. Start some hobbies and/ or engage in social work. In short, engage in various positive activities. Try to think positive about your life. Count your blessings and think about those who do not have what you have in life. Be happy girl :)
Re: how to gain value in anotheres eyes
Get a divorce already....Move back to UK.......
its the final conclusive advice you gonna get after some threads...
Re: how to gain value in anotheres eyes
one thing u must understand completely and keep it telling to urself that itz woman who makes or breaks the home...itz totally totally in her hands..so plz handle everything tactfully...plus remember good times or bad times,both are temporary...
Re: how to gain value in anotheres eyes
Sara, try to occupy your time with various activities....hang out with your relos or friends. Call up Nadz123 already.