Sometimes when we go to our own parents' home, we have the luxury to relax there too. For some, inlaw relations are nice enough that they aren't expected to work when there, but expected to relax and take a load off. It's weird that MIL has no issues but SIL does.
As for someone's house as a guest, you do not offer to get into the kitchen of every home you go to. You have to watch yourself and the situation.
As jethani I am sure she spent more time logically in family than the devrani (considering that elder siblings marry before younger ones in general). Tomorrow if she began helping, devrani would have new issues: "My jethani moved out but she still treats my home as hers. I LIVE here NOT her. So it is MY home! How dare she do things her way as if she's in her own house?"
And it is NOT the jethani coming over for dinner everyday. It is the ELDER son of the house. She is tagging along.
Would you go to your in laws every day without helping out? Even going to your Own family's home? That's very insensitive.
In this case the jethani's laziness IS causing resentment and she should grow up and help out.
As she isn't, OP should ask her to help. If that doesn't work out ask your husband OP.
^^ it is an issue for her. And cleaning up after someone for a month and the foreseeable future would get on a lot of people's nerves mine included.
there is no harm in politely asking for help, or asking the husband to help out esp when she is ill, the jethani should offer to help if she sees the younger bhabhi is ill. It's good manners.
OMG! I am in a similar situation. I have to visit my inlaws on an every other day basis because of my hubby. But every time I go there... the kitchen is a mess. After eating, my Jethani just goes to her room shamelessly and leaves everything on me. Hubby always tells me not to do the dishes and leave them in the sink for her to do but I feel really awkward and end up cleaning the whole kitchen. This is getting so frustrating so I go with my hubby once a week. But the days I don't go, I have to eat by myself and I feel lonely. But idk what to do. Like it is not even my house anymore and I normally wash the dishes, clean counters, pick up everything, do mop and sweep. Sometimes when she helps me, I put soap on all the dishes and continue to do everything else while she rinses the dishes super slowly so I end up doing pretty much everything. Plus if her hubby is there, she can't go upstairs after eating because he will find out what is going on so she ends up eating super slowly so by the time she is done eating, I clean everything up.
the concept of 'guests' is valid in desi-land only. In Pardes - there is no domestic help so in my friends circle whenever we assemble at somebody's place for dinner - we offer to help in house cleanup ( kids room , dining place , kitchen etc) - its just matter of 15 -20 min when all contribute as opposed to only hosts struggling for an hour.
same applies to when we visit relatives or they visit us.
OMG, thank you all for your help! Sorry about not responding earlier, I was busy cleaning the kitchen! haha!
okay firstly, i don't mind them coming to our house for dinner. It's his parent’s house and they can come as often as they want! what bothers me is that she leaves without helping at all. I tried asking her for help every now and then but she always makes an excuse.
A couple of days ago, i had cooked dinner for everyone, once we were done, I started to clean up the kitchen.. her husband and our younger borther-in-law was having some ice cream and she was just sitting next to her husband, playing with her phone. My husband was trying to set up the new TV. I noticed that all the brothers seem a little ticked off..
Then my older brother-in-law said he needed some help with some stuff he left in the basement when they moved out.. my younger brother ate his ice cream and when to his room and closed the door. Husband completely ignored what he had said. So they ended up doing it themselves.
later I asked him why he and younger brother-in-law didn't help, and he responded saying "why didn't SHE help you?"
it felt good to hear that the boys care enough about me to take a stand, when they know I will never confront her about something like this.
The day after and still, she has been helping me set up the table and helped my with the dishes. My older brother also had a talk with my husband about how he didn't like it at all that she didn't help me and that he's had a talk with her about this too. He wanted my husband to talk to me about it and make sure I don't have any hard feeling..
It’s good to know that not only my husband but also his brothers take a stand for me if someone is treating me wrong. I am sure they would do the same if I was doing this to her..
i read the situation :) and i hav a story of mine about sas n dewarani:-
my dewarani and MIL were against each other on back when her husband was alive,she has 2 daughters n 1 son,(in between ages of 12 to 3),when her husband passed away 2 years back my MIL changed she n dewrani tried to mess my husband n my relation,we dont hav kids,so my MIL almost sent me back to my parents house a year back,15 day i was away from my home,n thy want my dewarani to adjust with my husband ,those days were tooo bad n my husband was on my side 50 % n when he brought me back i had conditions that she shud nt come to our pl ace mbcoz b4 every sunday she was with us whole day outings on my husband's expense,although she had been given alot of money from govt after husband passed away.she hated my husband when her husband was alive n after him she was trying to involve in him n pushed kids in him n away from me,with MIL assistance,i remember i cried badly hurting my head with wall n floors :(,when i came back my 2 other daiwers didnt like the idea n MIL too...but my life is wid my husband,Allah has brought me back home with dignity n i hav got rid of that illetrate creepy dewrani but sas still meets her out n spend on her to please her :) this was my life cruel story happened by my so called inlaws thy r witches .ALLAH PLZ HELP ALL GALS OUT THERE AMEEN
