Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
My jethani doesn’t lift finger when she comes over to our house for dinner…hell, half the time she doesn’t even eat what I’ve cooked (sar me dard, pait me dard, ungli me dard, backside me dard..) 
You know what? When I go over there, I return the favor 
Not big deal, move one…if you make a big deal out of this, it will become more trouble than it’s worth
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
i think you should seek solace in the fact that your husband agrees with you. it could've been worse and he could have said ooo my mum shouldn't even be doing anything la di da. and your mil seems okay as far as mils on gs are anything to go by so umm, suck it up i guess.
i wouldn't know. i like making comments on things that don't concern me sometimes. okies, bye.
how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Technically taking care of the inlaws is responsibility of everyone. Not just the jetani, or devrani. Im in a similar situation where even thou the bil and his wife have moved out she does help. I expect her to help because one she isnt in my house, in her mil and fils house and two she should fulfill her duty as a member of the family. You have to give up all sorts of freedom to live peacefully in a joint family system but it shouldn't be the duty of one person and it should be shared.
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Technically taking care of the inlaws is responsibility of everyone. Not just the jetani, or devrani. Im in a similar situation where even thou the bil and his wife have moved out she does help. I expect her to help because one she isnt in my house, in her mil and fils house and two she should fulfill her duty as a member of the family. You have to give up all sorts of freedom to live peacefully in a joint family system but it shouldn't be the duty of one person and it should be shared.
Technically may be but Islamically never! and Islamically is more important for us than technically!! and Islamically taking care of the inlaws is not a responsibility for any girl!! If she does, good for her, if she doesn't.......it was never her responsibility!!
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
^It may not be farz, but helping others and showing kindness can help strengthen relationships. If everyone was to just brush things off and have no regard for others, that would be damaging to not just relationships but society overall; what difference would there be between us and animals? I get what you're saying, but I wouldn't depend solely on this reasoning. What does bug me, however, is that in Desi culture especially among in-laws...there's a lack of appreciation and more as sense of entitlement...and that creates problems.
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
I understand your point too but if someone doesnt want to strengthen a relationship, why grudges or arguments?
In her case, suggesting her to speak to her jithani to help her with the chores can create problems too!! We cant force someone to do something they dont want to, and thats what I was saying that ISLAMICALLY its not her duty too!! We can not urge someone to react the way we want to! IMO, speaking to her Jithani can create more problems and seriously its OP who will suffer. Jithani will argue, fight, leave the house and create a drama while the OP will have to listen to her MIL and (if the drama is played very diplomatically) her husband!! I can understand where she is coming from but in last, its she who will be victimed! Everyone will say…haw haye, do bartan nahin dho sakti thi, blah blah!! think vast! Sometime its good to stay quiet even when you are right because it can prove you wrong! I am experienced 
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Queenie, I never said that the OP should defo pursue the matter. I told her she can give hints and try in an indirect way....but that a confrontation would make a mess. I already mentioned these points earlier. As for my post above...I'm speaking in a general sense. I can see how some might fall back on the "it's not farz" reasoning and take it a bit too far.....and it's this point that I was addressing. While yes sometimes silence is best.....at the same time I don't agree with a person shrugging things off with a "I don't have to, so I won't. And I don't care" attitude. Again, I'm mentioning it in a broad sense (as I intended earlier)....it wasn't confined to the OP's particular issue. Experience mubarak ho.
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Fine. Thats your opnion.
Just say to her sweetly and smile as if its the most normal thing in the world infront of everyone...please would u help me clear up, I want to spend some time with u, together we can get this done in less time. Then we can sit and relax together. She won't be able to say no infront of everyone, and then when u sit together say and smile so when r u inviting us over? And to look really convincing imagine in ur head a sweet innocent baby and then smile. Lol ur sister in law should help u, that's not fair that she comes so often and then treats u like her servant.
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
A new nadz :D
how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Islamically, you are a guest for three nights, after that you are on your own. Besides its family, you are not a guest at your parents home anyway.
Im not sure why speaking to his brother might cause resentment; esp if the brother is willing to ask his wife to help out without mentioning that it was at your request.
Secondly; if nothing works, simply get your husband to help out.
how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Queenie- I never brought religion into it!! I said technically and by technically I meant socially and humanly to take care of our elders. As a daughter myself, I would like my parents to be taken care of. However I believe in karma and I do believe treating others like crap will for sure not guarantee you a cushy seat in the future. I never bought islam into it because there are all sorts of desis here who have different beliefs. We cannot force anyone to do anything but we also can't blame them for walking all over us. If the OP has this issue, she should try to at least communicate it and sure I see what you are saying that she may end up being the bad guy but atleast she is honest and islamically munafiqon se Allah naraz hota hai!! Haina!?! So lets leave islam out of this and just as a human, I think it is great that she wants to help out and I agree with you there but there is nothing wrong with her to address this issue so everyone is equally involved when they are all partying under one roof!!!
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Maybe it's just me but I wouldn't clean up at someone else's house?
(then again I wouldn't be visiting every single day....and if I did I would try to help out).
Same
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
My mother-in-law thinks that fighting with them over some plates isn’t really worth it. She also thinks that she does 80% of the housework anyway, so me or my husband shouldn't really complain. I felt really hurt by hearing this.** I mean all you girls out there, you know we didn’t do that much when we lived with our parents**. I’m really trying here.
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LOL .. sorry I couldnt resist myself! .. This sentence of you is very much out there, just like you reasoning for wanting your SIL to clean up.
Apparantly you've had it relatively easy with your mother (please come meet mine, you'll see the kinds things one can accomplish with full time studies on the side ;) :D) .. But however, I dont think its right to demand your SIL to clean up. She doesnt live there. She is not obligated to do anything. Jis ka ghar, uske kaam. Live by this and you'll find much peace .. and by ghar, please dont come and say its MIL and you're living there temporary, for now this is your ghar as well .. clarified!.
Beside I dont think the workload is what is annoying you. I think the annoying thing is that she sits there and watch you and you sort of feel like a "servant" to her na?
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Oh khatti, please tell me how you reached there .. I wanna reach out there with some people as well, but I just feel horrible sitting there, which leads to me doing almost all of it at the end ahem .. people pleaser
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Queenie- I never brought religion into it!! I said technically and by technically I meant socially and humanly to take care of our elders. As a daughter myself, I would like my parents to be taken care of. However I believe in karma and I do believe treating others like crap will for sure not guarantee you a cushy seat in the future. I never bought islam into it because there are all sorts of desis here who have different beliefs. We cannot force anyone to do anything but we also can't blame them for walking all over us. If the OP has this issue, she should try to at least communicate it and sure I see what you are saying that she may end up being the bad guy but atleast she is honest and islamically munafiqon se Allah naraz hota hai!! Haina!?! So lets leave islam out of this and just as a human, I think it is great that she wants to help out and I agree with you there but there is nothing wrong with her to address this issue so everyone is equally involved when they are all partying under one roof!!!
No need to be hyper dear bcz i already mentioned in two words, "Technically maybe"....... and it shows that i agree to you to some extent!! And the OP never said to answer her technically or islamically.... so if u hv a choice to answer the question keeping in mind the TECHNICAL points...i m neither bound to discuss over the issue Islamically too!
Then reason y I was trying to make OP understand islamically is, we are Muslims.. and if things that are confusing us and putting us in stress have no solution then we might try to resolve it through islamically.......
I am feeling bad for the OP.....but if we dont make her understand that reality...it can put her in selfpity and thats not good... she can get herself into worthless fights and arguments with her inlaws.. having in mind.... only i m right and jithani is totally wrong is not right. Thats why i was making her see the other side of the story..!!
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Next time your SIL comes to your home ask her nicely if she'll help you clear up the table.
how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Islamically we should be practicing plenty more and we don't dear. Islamically a man can have four wives. I was not being hyper but thanks for the judgement. If I were you though with clever retorts like ok fine... I would never worry about being judged. Like ever!!!! If only I could digest opinions as gracefully as you. Anywhoos, I did agree with you as well didn't I. Do you not think that if she plays the islamically i dont have to do anything because the jethani doesnt wont create problems? It will. Then she will be accused of using Islam according to her whims and you are absolutely RIGHT that islamically she does not have to live with them or do anything for them. It os their son's right and duty to take care of his parent. As a muslim, she doesn't have to do anything for her inlaws, as a human she should help out where she is living. Insaan ban jao, musalman banna khud hi aa gaye ga- something my abu always says which I sometime need to remind myself.
Re: how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Haha…I always laugh when I hear/ read this anywhere! Can you imagine the mental state of a MIL if one of her sons married four women? Just the thought of having 4 daughter-in-laws would kill her! 
how to deal with Saas and Jithani.
Lol she cant survive one day with four dils!!! I caught a couple of episodes of sister wives and the desi in me couldnt digest them sharing the husband so happily. If he was pakistani, the wives would have killed or attempted to kill each othwr with kala jadoo, the kids would be fighting over who has right to how much property and the mil and fil would be buried in the backyard. These women not only tolerated him sleeping with the other, they scheduled their life around the little time he would spend with them. Honestly it was sickenly sweet!!