How to deal with my ex husband

Lifestyle Relationships
61

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

i took khulla from him.

62

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

i don't drive and their father lives very far away. I am getting my car soon so that I can drop them off there and he can bring them back.

63

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

Within three month, they can reconcile without another Nikah, after iddat, they need another nikah. Not sure about khulla

64

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

So? There is no reason why he can't pick them up. He obviously has no problem driving to your house. You just need to stop letting him come inside. Have all 4 kids ready at the front door when he pulls up. Already tell them "bye" and give them kisses/hugs. So as soon as he pulls up, the 4 kids are already walking out to HIS car.

65

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

Ok I read up on it I think I understand it better now. So the divorce does take place if three months have passed (since divorce was pronounced), and then u r free to marry whoever. And if it's one or two divorces u can even marry ur ex husband again but u need a new nikah and new mahr. If it's three then u can't. But if u remarry ur number of divorces still count from what u had before. So if u had used 1 divorce then remarry, if there's another one then it will count as the second one not the first one. And one khulla also counts as one divorce. So op basically if u had no divorces before this u can remarry ur husband with a new nikah and mahr. And it does not involve marrying anyone else in between.
This is how divorces were handled during the time of the prophet and another few years (two is what I read), but then ppl were taking divorce very easy and pronouncing it left and right (as a threat or to get the wife in line) and they would later claim anger etc. So to make the ppl think of it as a more serious matter it was determined that they would not be allowed to do so and that it will be final. That's why ppl in pak follow the three divorce thing where they just say it thrice and say they r done and then r stupid enough to go with a halala (planned one, which Ofcourse is not allowed).

66

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

why don’t you drive? is public transit in your area really good? :konfused:

67

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

I don’t drive as I don’t have a car yet. And yes, buses are there but limited times that’s why it’s very stressful for me. Inshallah when my car comes, I’ll be in a stronger position to ferry the kids back and forth.

68

OP do you live out in the sticks? Even if bus travel is limited you could send the kids on the bus to him and he can drop them off? Thats a fair compromise. He drives and so what if hes coming from far, like paheli said keep them ready and when he comes bundle them off and just dont invite him in! But as he drives he can pick n drop off

69

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

Why don't you get it? I have a 5 year old and I'm not going to send my kids off on their own and in charge of a 5 year old. They are my responsibility and if God for if anything was to happen to them while travelling on their own for two hours, is it really worth the risk just to make a point?

70

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

I agree that you should not send the kids out on their own...especially with one being 5. But why can't you send the kids to HIS car when he comes to your house and let him take them to wherever he wants to? Why do you need to wait until you get a car to start this? Any reason you can't do this starting this week?

71

I get your point. However you are making excuses to not allow your kids to go to him without him coming into your home. Having no transport isnt an excuse. He should come pick the kids and go. And i didnt mean that you send your 5 year old on the bus if you dont feel comfortable however the elder two are capable. It seems OP that you are looking for excuses to avoid the fact that you just dont know how to say no to him. But its not a good example for the kids either. They may start thinking mum does so much for dad so why are they seperate. You took the step to take a khulla you should be able to assert your authority in your own him instead of feeding and spoiling him!

Why don't you get it? I have a 5 year old and I'm not going to send my kids off on their own and in charge of a 5 year old. They are my responsibility and if God for if anything was to happen to them while travelling on their own for two hours, is it really worth the risk just to make a point?
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72

Re: How to deal with my ex husband

no, not this week because the kids are back to school after their half term. Their dad knows that week days are hectic and that weekends are better so I'm going to instigate this when he next wants to come. He will have to wait outside in the car and the kids will go to him,