ohh this just took the cake for me… so we have this family friend… ummm lets called her “AMNA” ← please note this is not her real name..
So a while back like about 2-3 years ago, when i switched jobs we were at a family friends house, and her dad congradulated me in front of her and another girl who we shall call “Mahi” in this case.
So mahi congradulated me as well. some background that might be relevant, Mahi was a sophomore in college and was going to a state school whereas Amna was going to private school and was a senior (or rather was going to be one) and so anyways I don’t recall what we were talking about but after amna’s dad congradulated me, amna said something to the effect of “Ohh your working, not going to graduate school?” in a disappointing voice another piece of information that might help.. both Amna and Mahi are Psychology majors. I said something along the lines of Ohh i plan on going but i want to get some real world experience first (i am a business graduate), and Mahi added in something to the effect of when your a business grad working experience counts towards graduate school enterance. Amna replied saying something along the lines of when she graduates shes gonna get into the University of Chicago in their psych program and not work first, because she doesn’t see the need of doing that.. the conversation died down after she said that.. Mahi and I started talking about something else…
Fast forward a couple of months later, she went to pakistan for winter vacation came back nikahhed after about two weeks, after this this girl would not speak to me or anyone else saying “married people are not supposed to talk with unmarried people,” mind you she born and raised in the USA, but anyways additionally after her nikahh she came back only talking in urdu versus english and acting… ummm… to put it politely “Ammi jaan” like and saying MashAllah, Alhumadoliah, etc after every sentence… on top of that she started ordering all the unmarried girls around saying “beta could you get me a glass of water,” this seemingly 24 year old girl transformed into an 80 year old grandma after her nikahh to someone who is 12 years older then her.
Her cousin was engaged shortly afterwards and because she’s family we invited her to our house for a dholki for her cousin. which she nor her mother didn’t even participate in.. her mom sat there with an angry face, neither one of clapp their hands when we were singing, didn’t dance etc. I had invited a couple of my gora friends (females) to this dholki and they participated more then either one of them did.. AMNA had to be ASKED to come and get food, like a personal invitation(Amna come foods ready).. instead of a general one (Everyone foods ready).. then she sat with my friends and started badmouthing me saying … ohh she’s not a true muslim because shes participating in these activities.. singing the songs for the dholki, wearing short sleeves shalwar kamiz, and putting on makeup and doing fashion etc. To which one of my friends at that time, i had told her about how Amna went to pakistan and got married asked her, “how do you manage a relationship with someone you’ve only known for about 2 weeks?” and she responded, ohh we are in love and blah blah. She then asked my friends for their cell numbers to which one of other firends got mad and said, why should i give you my number whne all you have been doing is badmouthing her?
Later i found out she had friend requested 5 of them on facebook.
Additionally at another family gathering one of our family friends told us that she got accepted to northwestern (we had found out about this news some 2 weeks prior) and we all were happy for her, Amna upon hearing this said “Ohh I am getting into Northwesten – for medical school” as well and we are like “wow congrats, etc” After that the entire party amna was like saying things like “Well see I am smart, unlike some people I don’t need to work after school” and other stuff like “Ohh since I am gonna be at northwestern now, “ “Northwesten this…” “Northwestern that…” etc. to the point where someone said.. ok yo uhave not even gotten in yet, she’s gotten in and she’s not boasting about it. After that its like she wanted a huge laminateg sign to say… “I am awesome because I got into northwestern, hear yee hear yee”
so her parents had a reception for Amna 3 whole months before her brand new imported husband arrived yes they had a reception with her ALONE.. no hubby… (I’m not saying anything but I thought that was weird… but whatever, maybe in their family that’s the norm… ). At the reception her mom came up to me and my sister and said “gosh i wish someone would do some hungama for Amna expecially her closest friends no one even did a dholki for her, bachari meri betii. I wish one dholki would have been done for her, some hungama thora sa maza etc” and my sister and I are like “CLOSEST FRIENDS???” WTF??? So i said to her mom, “Aunty i am just respecting her wishes as she stated in her cousins dholki all the stuff that is forbidden in our religion which includes dancing, singing, clapping etc>” and her mom was like " ohh acha, per why don’t you ggo and sit next to her on the stage, no one is sitting next to her..” Even her cousins wife was upset with her he cousins wife told us, “I don’t get her, she told me that she needed help with this this and this… the cousins wife had made appointments for her makeup, driven her from one place to another (and mind you this girl can drive), and done a whole bunch of stuff behind the scenes and Amna criticized half the stuff she did and then kept ordering the cousins wife to sit next to her at the reception.. (and seriously the entire night no one was, she was up the by herself, asking people to come over but no one would sit for more than a min.) In fact her reception was soooo boring that a couple of us wanted to entertain ourselves and so we ended up taking pictures of ourselves posing with decoration..that at one point she got up off the “stage” (it was done in a community center, and no one had cared about decorations it was like taking the decorations from all the us holidays and putting them inall in one room, our table cloth said “happy birthday to you” on it… ) and came over to our table, and we stopped taking pictures and she asked well don’t you all want pictures with the bride and we were like ummmm we don’t have any space left camera is full already.. sorry..
About 3 months afterwards her “brand spanking new freshly imported” hubby arrived fresh off the plane from Pakistan… and so her mom held another reception for the two in their home for about 25 people … AMNA introduced him as and in urdu “ Salaam this is my smart double masters husband from Pakistan, Imran.” To everyone!! Funny thing is that hubby doesn’t know how to speak ONE WORD English… and supposedly he was educated in Pakistan and London… hmmm yea..
So since the imported hubby was received or rather since she was nikahified, she doesn’t say “Salaam” to any of us unmarried girls, in fact she told a girl’s mother, “kids these days have no tameez, to respect their elders and say salaam to them. I mean I am married now, people should say salaam to me, not me say salaam to them” She expects us to say salaam to her first…. LOL and if we are talking about movies, fashion etc, she’s switch the topic to khana and recipes and laundry and complaining about her husband.. and if someone dare switches it back to something a bit more interesting like… Grey’s anatomy for example she’s say something along the lines of “I wasn’t done talking about daal or how to iron clothes, etc” So a couple of us have flat out decided that “hey why talk to her at all?” if she’s going to act like that.. .then let her be happy in her own little world..
This happened a couple Saturdays ago (ohhh another side note… if you invited this family and tell them it’s a mr&MRS event only)… Amna’s mom takes that as an invitation to invited the entire herd… because that’s how they roll…. they travel in herds..
Anyways, her mom invited herself to our place a couple Saturdays ago, and my mom was like.. yea the kids are not home (hinting to her… no need to bring your kids) and apparently her mom totally didn’t catch on.. so she brought her entire herd over to our house.. and then when Amna entered the house she’s like “Salaam” to everyone including me, and I was like “WOW Aunty jee tusee salaam kur aata hai??? (didn’t say it, but thought it) and anyways I said salaam to her parents, but not her.. and so she kept repeatedly “Salaam salaam salaam salaam salaam “ like a broken record… I didn’t respond.. Our family is going thru a lot right now, and lately I have not been in the mood to talk to anyone really, and most of our family friends respect that and don’t push it.. she comes up to me and says “How are you?” with a big wide grin on her face, and I just looked at her and rolled my eyes.. and went upstairs to get my mom… I didn’t bother coming down because honestly I didn’t want to deal with her. SO right when I went upstairs she said to her mom, “Gosh, shes sooo stuck up, and has no manners, Ammi did you see I said salaam to her and she didn’t respond, She should be the one saying salaam to me,” Honestly I didn’t react to that because if I would have the reaction would not have been nice. I spent the entite time that this family was over upstairs in my room and didn’t bother to come down until my mom told me that they are leaving and I should say bye, at that point her dad said to me beta I know exactly what your going thru and I UNDERSTAND, completely if u don’t feel like talking, and I nodded and said yea I just don’t.. and Amna then interrupted the conversation saying “Well KHUDAA HAFIZ” and held out her hands for a hug… ok this girl has never done that PRE-SHAADI and now post shaadi wtf?! And I just kind looked at her and back away from her outstretched arms.. and they left.
Since then she has been badmouthing me to her cousins saying that I am stuck up and selfish, and her mom also said something to her sister in law saying “I don’t know what’s her problem AMNA and her are such close and great friends.”
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[FONT=Times New Roman]In the past I forgave her numerous times and didn’t hold a grudge, but now its past that point for me, I don’t consider her a friend for many reason a that she repeated talks behind a person back and also that she lacks…. Umm…. Common sense.. its like she’s socially retarded… she like to act all chummy in front of her ammi but then in private she’s something else, and I for one have never been two faced like that, I am what I am.. the thing is to her we’re the bestest of friends, and to me, really I don’t even consider her a friend anymore, yet she doesn’t catch on… and the icing on the cake is that she takes things soooo out of context, coupled that with her new found hobby of talking behind your back and that’s a disaster. An example perhaps best to illustrate, so she’s an avid reader (read: STALKER) of people’s facebook walls. If she sees something on your wall.. that’s doesn’t make sense to her, ohh she’ll question it. And won’t stop until she’s statisfied, and if u block her…. Allah Tauba then she’s say it in front of all the aunties like “peta nahi why she’s blocked me, maybe she’s got something to hide.” My answers to her when she asks for more details have been 1- don’t worry about it, its not concerning you, 2- mind your own business 3- don’t read into it too much… and yet she does exactly that..,..
[FONT=Times New Roman]So anyways I primarily use facebook to stay in touch with family in Pakistan, and one of my cousins whose like an elder brother to me, was writing messages on my wall, in fact we were having all out conversations on my wall.. and he wrote something like well don’t get to HIGHs… now anyone that knows me knows that I am a starbucks addict… yes I have a problem, yes I admit to it, and no nothing can be done to help me.. beyond duas… this is one addiction I will not give up! Anyways HIGHs is code between us for starbucks.. as in HIGH on Starbucks.. but this girl after I told her don’t read too much into it… and I think everyone on my facebook knows my serious passion for starbucks.. started spreading the rumors- stating that my cousin and I have some internet affair going on… for the record he’s married and is expecting and bhabi is soooo nice! And then she said that I apparently do drugs… (ummm yes if you count sugar and caffeine) I found about this thru one of her cousins, because she called her cousin and told him and she wanted an intervention for me, and he told her to jump off a cliff.. anyways she didn’t stop there, she proceed to tell the entire gossip community … sorry aunty community what she had told her cousin..
[FONT=Times New Roman]Now heres my question… I firmly believe in the saying “wrong me once, shame on me, wrong me twice, shame on you, you are not wronging me a third time..>” this girl thinks we are bestest of friends, and doesn’t understand that is not the case anymore.. and I have tried to dropp both subtle and obvious hints…. But like I said she’s socially retarded… what would you guys do in this case….. she obviously doesn’t get the message and in front of her ammni she acts soo bachari like she’s done nothing wrong… and yet in private she’s something else..
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My question for you all is this… what would you do… how would you address this? I cannot by any means cut off connections (as much as I want too) with Amna because their parents are family friends of mine.. secondly, I don’t trust telling her anything since she has a way of distorting reality, finally her ammi believes that her daughter can do NO wrong, and therefore its everyone else’s fault.. in every situation…
I get so annoyed when I deal with or hear about such people. That’s really nosy… it’s none of her business and I agree with PCG, it’s psycho. Amna has spent 20 or so years like this, she’s most likely not going to change… so just limit your interaction with her. Explain to your parents that you can’t be friends with Amna. Your personalities are completely different, so why force friendship? And if that girl does something else again, let your mom know this girl is destroying your reputation, you’ve had enough.