It has been 1 year of my married life but still I don’t know how to understand husband nature. We live separate from inlaws they are in other city.. We live in khi and my all relatives and family live here..as expected like all relatives do dawat. And other family functions like engagement, wedding and invite us but my husband don’t wana go he afford of halat and all he only go if it’s near our home so prblm is that
1.everyone said mein kyun nai ati sub cuzns ati Hain(hum 5 cuzns) ki ajaye pechay shadi hui one month gap se)..whenever I said to my husband we end in fighting…what can I do? Why people don’t understand everyone is different
2.apart from this don’t have any issue he cares, help me in kitchen. Wo apne relative ke bi ni jatey..
My cuzn said unko samjao etc what can I do.
How can I convence him slowly slowly..
Plz suggest me good advice no bad comments..
If he doesn't want to don't force him. Just tell your family that you will come when you can. family will say lot of things, are you going to ruin your marriage to please them?
cancerian , dont go anywhere if he doesnot like ..
And yes you are right your relatives will make it an isSue and they will feel bad because they have invited you .
But as you told that he never go anywhere in his relatives and yours as well , your relatives won't make any issue after knowing his nature ..
Gradually he will realise that he should go when his friends will guide him.
What you can do is simply call your relatives at your place . When they will go they will ask him to visit their place as well. One day he will feel and may be he could understand it ..
Try to send him some texts related to relatives and their importance in islam but 3 to 4 times a month .
As you have mentioned that it has been a year only , shayad abhi itni jan pehchan na hone ki waja se wo aise karty hon or apne relatives k b na jatay hon takay apko bura na lagay ..
Give him some time , if he is a co.operative person you should not force him but gradually he will change his nature . Just deal him with love ..
Best of luck . May Allah bless you both . Aameen .
Recite "Ya Wadudu"
If he doesn't want to don't force him. Just tell your family that you will come when you can. family will say lot of things, are you going to ruin your marriage to please them?
good and practical advice. :)
Try to "convence" your cuznz and if they are not convenced, remember you are married to Ur husband not Ur cuzns. And if u want to go so badly, marry Ur cuzns.
Thank u so much for advice..my family understands. But my relatives don't understand. Is not that he don't wana met anyone he just dont wana go..I don't have mil sometimes mil also guide her son and daughter. I told my cuzn that everyone has different nature plus all my relatives live in gulistan johar gulshan only I live in defence ..he said mein tumhay drop kardonga u enjoy but muhjay acha ni lagta akely....but don't know why people think if someone is not coming there must be something between us or my husband won't allow or any other problem.
People are people...if you start caring about what they think more than what your husband thinks...life will become very difficult for you.
You're HIS life partner...not your cousins'. You need to understand HIM...not others. Others halla gulla karke apne ghar chale jate hein...tumko to apna ghar dekhna hai na?
Jao, haso, batein karo, enjoy yourself...but don't push him. He will come around on his own.
Mine is not the social type either...he hates dawats. I don't mind...gives me more peace of mind because I am not worried if he's having fun, meeting the right people, is he bored, does he want to go home, etc etc etc.
2.apart from this don't have any issue he cares, help me in kitchen. Wo apne relative ke bi ni jatey..
Thats alll...Alhamdulilah...people might have another issue after this issue...so live your life with your husband happily...doesnt mean cut yourself from your or his relatives..keep them in touch via phone or just go alone when your husband allows you to go...if they ask about your husband tell them he is quite reserve..he doesnt even go in his relatives..n let them think...never worry about such thing if Alhamdulilah you have nice relation with your husband...
People always talk and make stupid comments implying something or another. When people don't see me at the masjid or party's for a while everyone and I mean literally every Aunty asks "kahaan chupi rheti ho" or other similar comments that really don't seem nice in tone. I am selective where I go because I honestly just don't have the time but since I don't have a MIL or mom to explain it for me, I constantly feel like I'm defending myself because people don't understand how someone who doesn't have kids yet could have a life outside of dawats and milads and baby showers for people I don't even know, every weekend. Honestly you can't please everyone. Just have your mom explain it to your relatives if it's an issue, otherwise don't let it bother you. If your husband still wants you to go then you should sometimes even go if it's alone so you feel the balance but unfortunately you can't change your husband and maybe after sometime he'll warm up to socializing with your family more.
That being said, I think he should still make an honest effort to attend maybe once or twice a month with you because he's your husband and it's still part of his obligation just like it would be yours had you had a MIL breathing down your neck or had he been forcing you. Maybe plan it out with him and ask him if he can pick one or two weekends a month to be open to attending because it'll make you feel better because it's still your family. He doesn't have to attend every event but once or twice a month won't kill him for his wife.
Thanks alot everyone for nice advice.. Yeah he is very nice with and everyone who came to our home..and yes he give me permission to go with frnds or relatives..
Sorry for asking here does every SIL has some issues with her bhabi?
Thanks alot everyone for nice advice.. Yeah he is very nice with and everyone who came to our home..and yes he give me permission to go with frnds or relatives..
I agree with pcg here.
if you're invited to a party and your husband doesn't want to go, why cant you go by yourself? its not hard to take a cab in khi, i have done it plenty of times. my husband doesn't like going to too many events either as he works too many hours, i usually go myself whenever he cannot. everyone understands, no one expects him to show up at each event. i am sure your family can understand too
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