Re: how to convence husband
Your husband sounds like me. Don't force him. It probably annoys him more than you think.
Re: how to convence husband
Ahh doesn't want to go to the other side of Kala Pul. Only Karachites will understand this!! Jokes aside, my dad never wanted to go anywhere and still is kind of the same. My mom went alone or with me. Don't give up on your friends just because your husband won't go.
Re: how to convence husband
Its kinda funny, in this thread everyone is telling OP to accept the way her husband is who doesnt like going anywhere and she should just deal with her husband not wanting to socialize.
In another thread, the "Bhabi Issue" thread, people were telling the OP whose bhabi didnt want to go anywhere because of a drama with some family members, that she just needs to suck it up and get over her issues and go. Isnt it the same scenario for both the husband and the bhabi (regardless of what the personal reasons are) for not wanting to go somewhere but why does the ops husband kind of get a free pass for being stubborn when we are telling the other OP, how childish her bhabi is being and that she needs to get over her stubbornness because her husband wants her to go somewhere and she should just go.
Just wondering why the double standard is there with out even realizing it?
Re: how to convence husband
Exactly!! :hinna:
Re: how to convence husband
Its not a double standard...its a compromise. Husband doesn't get a free pass...husband is in every other way a good husband...its just this thing he lacks. So why make it a thing he lacks?
If he's just being a jerk, singling out HER side of the family and fighting with her about her going somewhere on her own...then we have issues. But if his problem is simply not wanting to socialize period...doesn't matter who it is...then its not really a problem. Its a personality trait of his. You cannot change that. If he's a good guy to you, don't allow outside influences to muddle things up. If he's not giving her a hard time if she goes somewhere...its not really an issue.
Re: how to convence husband
OP does hubby minds people coming over. If you can't go to the cousins, why not invite them often. I understand you won't be able to attent the weddings but at least you will get to spend time with your hubby and family together.
I wouldn't recd. you going on your own. The next issue you family will have is howcome you hubby doesn't come...rumors will start that you guys are having issue or he doesn't like your family etc.
I would recd. making a deal with him...like say one to two dawats a month at least.
Re: how to convence husband
But a compromise is two people coming to a mutual understanding and both giving up something to come to that compromise. Its not an issue for him because he gets what he wants out of the scenario while she struggles with a scenario where shes kind of the loser on both ends. She can’t win because he refuses to go and she cant win even if she does go because she has to face her relatives and their nazar alone. I just think its funny that no body really advocated on ways how to communicate to her husband to help him understand the importance of not being isolated all the time. Everyone basically was like deal with it because shes the girl. Had Op been a guy talking about his wife not being social, the responses would have been really different, similar to what they were like in the other thread. Of course you cant change somebody and thats not what I mean. This is not something he lacks, its something he probably refuses to change about himself because he ‘just doesn’t want to.’ and because hes a guy, thats totally acceptable. If this was Op or another girl complaining about not wanting to socialize or go anywhere, no one would have taken it as a personality trait, or something acceptable, it would have been received with a lot of criticism for the girl in the situation because she probably would have been considered lazy. He gets off because hes a good husband and its like, well thats all that she needs to be grateful for. That astounds me, thats all Im saying. This scenario reminds me of a joke Chris Rock made. Thats why I thought it was funny because its kind of similar. → https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0B_ekSrsEk
First of all, Im not saying for Op to make this an issue, not at all. Im just pointing out that the double standard is so there but we dont even realize it because we are so used to things being a certain way.
Re: how to convence husband
i don't think its even a issue to be bothered about. your husband doesn't want to go because he feels scared of the Karachi situation and does go if its near to your place. he has a valid reason then. not everyone is brave enough to venture out of his house and go to far off areas specially at night time. your relatives must understand this if they are mature people. Also any relative with sincere heart will not keep on complaining to the girl about her husband and causing tension between the couple that could eventually lead to fighting.
So, OP you decide for yourself that do you want to go out of your way to please such relatives??
Re: how to convence husband
The day we stop caring about what OTHERS think about our relationships, cars, houses, clothes, etc...will be a great day for humanity.
She's taking him along to validate her marriage in front of others? How is that even right? Or making any amount of sense?
People will talk no matter what. It doesn't matter if you give them a reason or not.
Re: how to convence husband
Its kinda funny, in this thread everyone is telling OP to accept the way her husband is who doesnt like going anywhere and she should just deal with her husband not wanting to socialize.
In another thread, the "Bhabi Issue" thread, people were telling the OP whose bhabi didnt want to go anywhere because of a drama with some family members, that she just needs to suck it up and get over her issues and go. Isnt it the same scenario for both the husband and the bhabi (regardless of what the personal reasons are) for not wanting to go somewhere but why does the ops husband kind of get a free pass for being stubborn when we are telling the other OP, how childish her bhabi is being and that she needs to get over her stubbornness because her husband wants her to go somewhere and she should just go. Just wondering why the double standard is there with out even realizing it?
If you are talking abou the thread where the bhabi was offended by comments some ladies made and even though one of them apologized she still didn't forgive and didn't want to attend family get together ...then there is no comparison btw this and that thread. The issue here is that the hubby is scared of the conditions in Karachi and doesn't go out anywhere (not just to parties at the inlaws side,) and the bhabi issue was that she didn't want to go to the parties where those two aunties were attending. Of course the advice here is different thn that thread. We don’t have double standards, the situations are different. The bhabi was offended and personally hurt, and didn’t want to see those ladies who hurt her. In op’s situation, the husband is not emotionally hurt, just doesn’t feel safe going out.
how to convence husband
^ that aspect, I can totally understand but then he still wants her to go out alone? It still seems more just like a lack of compromise on the husbands part because he just doesn't want to do something. The reasons are different but the scenario is still the same really.
Re: how to convence husband
go by yourself?
Re: how to convence husband
^ that aspect, I can totally understand but then he still wants her to go out alone? It still seems more just like a lack of compromise on the husbands part because he just doesn't want to do something. The reasons are different but the scenario is still the same really.
I see what you mean. Husband is getting something free here, but if he let his wife have her say in something else, would you consider that a compromise? A compromise is to decide which battles are worth fighting for.
how to convence husband
^ yes I would! Good point. That works out but I guess op is feeling some kind of lacking since it seems important. I'm not incredibly social or anything but just putting myself in those shoes, it would be pretty difficult to attend every event especially family things without my husband, that's all. And no it has nothing to do with proving something to the world? That seems like a stretch. She's talking about family events not random party's. It would be a difficult balance for someone to keep up with whose spouse (be it husband or wife) never went anywhere and had little connection to their family. By the way this is the same op, who has to celebrate anniversaries or special occasions with her inlaws because SIL makes them. Don't see a lot of wiggle room there.
Re: how to convence husband
I stuck up for bhabi 
I don’t think bhabi or husband here should be pushed to go where they don’t want..
Re: how to convence husband
Thanks aĺl of u. First reason I can't force him because he has a reason that he also don't go in his relatives or his own home frequently (as they live in different city).secondly he has dominating personality and I'm also so there are many things in which we both have difference of opinion.
And u r rite relatives thought there is something that's why we both didnt come. Everyone asked me why u didby come
Re: how to convence husband
Thanks aĺl of u. First reason I can't force him because he has a reason that he also don't go in his relatives or his own home frequently (as they live in different city).secondly he has dominating personality and I'm also so there are many things in which we both have difference of opinion. And u r rite relatives thought there is something that's why we both didnt come. Everyone asked me why u didby come
Can you try to gently explain to him from a religious perspective....that it's sunnah to accept invitations and maintain ties with relatives. Maintaining ties with relatives increases rizq. I understand that sometime it's better to keep a distance from relatives who are rude or whom you don't trust. But if these relatives and friends are good people, then avoiding them completely can hurt relationships. Do it very gently, but don't push/force/. Just leave him alone to think about it. Go to dawats by yourself if he has no problem and invite them to your own home too, sometimes.
Re: how to convence husband
Yeah he has no problem inviting relatives and my cuzns. I will try to explain him.