This is an offshoot of another thread (“morning of wedding”)
I have been wanting to post this for a while now and ask past brides -** How did you cope with any feelings of anxiety or nervousness on or surrounding your wedding day?**
I dont remember who it was, but one guppan posted about how her wedding details and said that the night before of her shaadi (mehndi night) - she could not sleep and also got ill because she was so nervous for the next day. Yikes… that is like my worst nightmare… and I am the type of person to get anxiety/get nervous whenever i am expected to go through an important thing (ie. board exams, moving to different state, starting new job, etc.). So I know I will be a bit of a wreck during this time period…
Living in America, I know that Christian and Jewish brides tend to drink champagne or wine the day of their wedding to “calm their nerves”. Obviously as Muslims we can not do that.
So that is why I am curious… how do we deal with it??? Past brides… please share tips and experiences. I am sure that I and other future brides would really appreciate it
Spend time with friends and family members who make you laugh. Older relatives have interesting stories to tell so, it would be good it a small informal gathering is arranged before the big day where they can share their experiences with the younger lot.
Cuddling up with mom the night before helps, too. :)
Spend time with friends and family members who make you laugh. Older relatives have interesting stories to tell so, it would be good it a small informal gathering is arranged before the big day where they can share their experiences with the younger lot.
Cuddling up with mom the night before helps, too. :)
My wedding is in the summer, and already I have mini nervous break downs lol. I try to remind myself that it's just a wedding and it's just one day. I think I'm just affraid that I will end up looking ugly or paindu lol
My wedding is in the summer, and already I have mini nervous break downs lol. I try to remind myself that it's just a wedding and it's just one day. I think I'm just affraid that I will end up looking ugly or paindu lol
Mine is too!!!!! I have not had any nervous break downs yet...but i do feel that anxiety kicking in when I start thinking about in general!!! I think with me its more about hoping everything goes as planned (iA) and the thought of the rukhsati makes me super emotional too!!
My sister was talking to her then hubby to be :D. Its was soo cute!!
That is really cute!!! I can see me doing that too... we all (my family, his family, many out of town guests, hell even ABCi video/photo ppl LOL) are staying in the same hotel and will all arrive one day earlier, Shaadi is the following day, and the day following that my family is hosting a brunch at the same hotel. But its just that overall stress of everything going as planned (and importantly: ON TIME) ... that causes me anxiety NOW ... and will later.
ahhhhhhh. more brides.... tell me your experiences. And bride-to-be's ...share your fears!!! Makes one feel less alone!!! :)
I spent the night before my wedding with my family at home doing nothing but spending time with them. At that point, it was to be my last day as a bachelorette...just wanted one last night in my room and home.
The day of my wedding, my family was running around so one of my best friends stayed around me to keep me calm and collected the WHOLE day. Otherwise, I too would have been having panic attacks.
talking to the dude daily (all the way up to henna night) was the key for me. :)
luckily he knew/empathized with how i felt and went beyond the call of duty to find diff ways to actually see me as well as be available to talk via phone ... no easy feat in pk
post henna ceremony ... you'll be exhausted (I was) and sleep like a rock inshallah
wedding morning whizzes by SUPER FAST .... have a lazy breakfast with family ... nice hot shower .... get your outfit/jewels/shoes together and before you know it you are off to be painted and primped .... after that all you have to do is smile :) for the camera hun ...... plus there are a million hands to help you walk, sit, arrange your dress, eat and everything else imaginable ...
don't be nervous .... you'll be gorgeous and everyone will be in awe of your beauty and grace! (there IS also that added bonus of your chosen dude by your side ;))
That is a great idea Reha… I just know that my family will be running around the entire day as well… a good friend by me at all times is a great tip to be noted. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Awe - thanks for the tasaali hun My fiance knows how I feel and emphasized with me already as well. But I think only a girl truly feels those nerves and jitters on her wedding day. Its such an emotional time and so much pressure. I keep being told that I should not worry about the details the day of the shaadi..just go with the flow. I want to ..and hope I can do this…
I am actually not having a henna ceremony! Decided not to have a mehndi to save on costs. It made sense as well as all of my family is out of the country and we do not know who will even be able to come. Will i have any cousins attend? no clue yet. And all of my friends live all over the country… it is a big deal that they are taking the time off to fly in for my shaadi. But to ask them to to do more than that is too much. So I just opted not to have one. What is a mehndi without relatives and friends anyways?
Night before shaadi there will be a dinner given by my family for my inlaws at a restaurant. We will all be at the hotel where the shaadi will take place. I wish instead like Reha - that I would be in the comfort of my own home the night before. oh well.
I think it is the whole being in the center of attention in front of so many people that is causing me also to be nervous!!!
But thanks for your advice
Anymore brides willing to share their experiences and tips???
you are right hun … all the tasli’s in the world wont really make it all go away for you … but do try to relax and enjoy best you can … i’m married only a month and already I can tell you I wish I had been more “together” mentally to enjoy the sights n sounds … alas I must now await the video and pics
I relate to your stress easily … my ceremonies were in pk but I got there exactly 8 days before the shaadi with zero (i swear no exaggeration) trousseau and no wedding dress. Got it all done though … in time … Lahore isn’t called shaadi central for no reason.
I, my fam and all attending guests (from all over pk and abroad) from my side also stayed in hotels … ANNNDD to top it all off …I met most of my inlaws for the very first time just a day before the wedding … so yea I get chaos and being in the spotlight anxiety …
My point in sharing all this … you will get through it! … focus on the big picture … deep breaths … smileeee and be yourself
btw … being the shy, blushing bride (which happens naturally!) comes in so damned handy in such situations … no one really expects you to talk or be “on”
My wedding is going to be in my hometown, but we have family coming to stay with us. I know this is selfish to say, but I just want my own bed, and my room to myself the night before the wedding. I need to be comfortable, and since its my last night at home I dont want it to be disturbed cause Im already going to be going crazy from the nervousness. A week after the wedding Im moving to th states....so I want to spend as much time with my family as possible.
Saima, i'd be quite honest with your family saying its your last night in your bedroom... maybe get your mum/sister to sleep with you :)
i personally believe its your right to spend a last night in that room you spent years in without being kicked off your bed / room for family! be selfish.
I had herbal green tea whilst getting my makeup done, and the makeup artist had nice relaxing music on which helped me relax before the event
Also I talked to my grandmother who lives in another city and couldn't make it due to her health on the phone and cried a bit after talking to her, and surprisingly I didn't end up crying during the rukhsati at all.
My wedding is going to be in my hometown, but we have family coming to stay with us. I know this is selfish to say, but I just want my own bed, and my room to myself the night before the wedding. I need to be comfortable, and since its my last night at home I dont want it to be disturbed cause Im already going to be going crazy from the nervousness. A week after the wedding Im moving to th states....so I want to spend as much time with my family as possible.
ahhhhhh i want that toooooo!!!! But instead I will be spending my last night ...in a hotel room. Ill probably get my sister to spend the night there with me as well. We shared a room for most of our lives...so it only makes sense. But yaar...its so hard to fall asleep in a new place!!! u r lucky u will be getting married in your hometown and get to spend those last moments at home. I will be moving to another state after my shaadi......
Saima, i'd be quite honest with your family saying its your last night in your bedroom... maybe get your mum/sister to sleep with you :)
i personally believe its your right to spend a last night in that room you spent years in without being kicked off your bed / room for family! be selfish.
^ totally agree with the above. Your the dulhan anyways...what you say is what you should get!!! Especially a night alone in your bedroom!
I had herbal green tea whilst getting my makeup done, and the makeup artist had nice relaxing music on which helped me relax before the event
Also I talked to my grandmother who lives in another city and couldn't make it due to her health on the phone and cried a bit after talking to her, and surprisingly I didn't end up crying during the rukhsati at all.
Green tea while getting make- up done (adds to list). That is a great idea! Tea always relaxes me!
Wow - no crying during the rukhsati?! .... makes sense tho.. you got your emotions out earlier in the day. That is very touching to read about you taking to your grandmother on your big day. I would have done/felt the same way after that.
saima it’s not selfish at all i was in the same situation as we had guests staying at our house during the wedding but i had told my mom earlier that no one will be sleeping in room for those days as i wanted it to myself for the last night so i did get my room to my self just talk to your mom i’m sure she’ll understand
As for the actual wedding i was pretty much running around for the mehndi so after the mehndi i was pretty exhausted so i actually fell asleep easily as for the actual wedding day i think what helped me from really losing it is that i had my cousins taking care of the little details so all i had to focus on was the big picture
Wedding Day - ate a light breakfast, showered and was taken to the parlour to get ready I did have my best friend with me at the parlour so talking to her really helped make me feel more relaxed as i knew everything else was being taken care of
PunjabiRose just focus on yourself and let everyone else run around and take care of the little details just remember at the end of the day the thing people really remember is how the bride looked so just relax and remember it’s your day enjoy it while it lasts cuz trust me it does go by really quickly don’t think about it too much and you’ll be fine the more you think about the more you’ll stress your self out
One thing that did help me enjoy the actual baraat day was telling myself that it’s my wedding day so that made me just pause and look around and just enjoy the wedding and having your hubby sitting beside you is a good thing to as he kept trying to make me laugh and kept me entertained
Awwww good luck! i'd just hope you'd be feeding of adrenaline/excitement and look all nice the next day (best case scenario)
Realistically my wedding would be in Pak. I'd spend it with friends and family just relaxing and making sure everything is ready and then about 7ish just relax and talk....it's your last time at home.
If you're staying in a hotel room. invite a few people over just to chill and relax with. close friends etc. watch a movie....and get plenty of sleep :)
is the wedding in the morning or the evening the next day?
AND make sure u have someone (ur sis) who is there ALL the time...the main person who u know will calm u down like REha was saying. And stays with you etc! Inshallah you will be fine :)
My fiance knows how I feel and emphasized with me already as well. But I think only a girl truly feels those nerves and jitters on her wedding day. Its such an emotional time and so much pressure. I keep being told that I should not worry about the details the day of the shaadi..just go with the flow. I want to ..and hope I can do this…
… so yea I get chaos and being in the spotlight anxiety …
… no one really expects you to talk or be “on”