How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

[OYMWA]

Re: How to Balance between Mother and Wife?

@Sehrysh

If you ask me who my least favourite type of person is - it is the one who denies the rights of one relationship, blindly and unjustly in favour of another relationship. I would respect neither an amma-ka-laadla nor a *joru-ka-ghulam *- because in both scenarios someone’s rights are being denied.

The key to any relationship is balance and the person responsible for that balance is the one who is the common denominator. Here it is the son and husband who needs to know how to manage his relationship with his mother and his relationship with his wife. Balancing relationships requires fair-mindedness.

I get the whole, *maa kai kadmon ke neechay jannat hai *and valdayn kay saamne uff bhi nahin karna chahiyay - but respecting one’s parents does not require blind obedience and to manage more than one relationship doesn’t mean that one is guilty of parental disobedience. One can remain quiet when it comes to an unjustice relating to themselves - because it is for them to forgive the unjustice. But if someone remains quiet when an unjustice is committed against someone else, then the silent person becomes part of the unjustice and is an equal participant in it. There is no disrespect or *tauheen or badtameezi *in speaking up for what is right - regardless of the relationship - whether it be parents, spouse, child, teacher, elder etc.

And as for islaah - agar islaah se kisi ki hidayat ho, to us main bura’ii kahan ki? The key is how one communicates the message - saying it without anger or blame.

So lets say OP takes this advice and confronts his mother, albeit diplomatically, and says she is wrong. What do you think will happen? Do you think there will be sudden reformation and she will change? I think not. On the contrary, it will mess up two relationships: mom-son and mom-DIL ( cause mom is going to blame DIL for it ). Now OP is worse off than before.

Completely agree that it is OP’s responsibility to maintain the balance, but that balance does not come from suggesting him to show his mom her place. It comes from accepting both his mom and his wife for what they are.