How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

@homesick

:rotfl: @ this thread

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Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

hahhaha @ spend time with her friends....
well she could make tea and snacks and excuse herself quite easily knowing full well that the MIL is in good hands.

23

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Okay, can you not wear kurti with jeans or leggings ? It's quiet modest and very comfy, kurti can be one size large and till your knees. You don't have to wear salwar kameez.

Spend more time in the kitchen, trying out new dishes that should keep you busy plus your hubby will be quite pleased that your doing something extra for his parents. You too can benefit from having your cooking skill refined.

Make a list of all the DIY projects you house is in desperate need of and do them during these two months.

Genuinely involve your self in chores and extra curricular activities. That should take care of atleast some of your problem.

You can't escape something 100%. You will just have to work around your problem.

You can also download paki serials and indian movies ( old ones) for them and make them popcorn and ask them to just chill and catch up on it.

24

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

How hard can it be to spend sometime with your husbands parents for 2 months? Make a schedule, and stick to it. Spread your chores over the time you are awake. And every couple of hours spend 10-20 minutes with your In-laws. This way they won't feel that you are completely ignoring them. But at the sametime you won't have to sit with them for hours. Maybe try finding out what they like, talk about your husbands childhood and stuff like that.

25

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Or maybe the MIL will ask her bahu to sit with her and serve chai…while she and her new friend discuss how BBCD’s don’t know Pakistani culture at all, and then grill OP on whether or not she/hubby are “trying”. :rotfl:

26

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

No one is saying you should spend every waking moment with your MIL, that wouldn't be fair, but seriously spending a little bit of time won't hurt you. In fact you could learn a few things, perhaps ask her recipes for dishes and just chat about general stuff. It may awaken the inner pakistani in you that you are avoiding. Being Pakistani won't hurt you!!

Compared to a lot of other people it seems you have it easy, where your MIL seems nice and wants to spend time with rather than complain and say bad things about you to her son(Unless she does lol, I'm just assuming). She looks like she wants to form a relationship with you. Whereas some people's MIL are downright mean and horrible. I'm not trying to be rude, but the way your attitude is coming across shows you aren't mature enough for marriage. How would you like it if your husband had the same opinion for you father?

27

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

I dont mean to be rude but I think your post shows your negative attitude towards your in-laws. For this very situation you could have asked for ways to spend time with your in-laws productively, and without feeling awkward.

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Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

You sound really immature.

29

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Please don't look for ways to avoid them. Your husband won't be there to give his parents company, so that will make your absences stand out more. Without him it's awkward for them as well. When you have to tend to a task/chore, let your MIL know as opposed to just leaving the room each time without a word, so she doesn't think you're avoiding her. If you guys are watching a program, you can ask her what she thinks of it or what her favorite drama or if she's seen any good ones and what they were about. An open-ended question like that can get a discussion going. Or even while cooking...you can talk about recipes, etc. one topic often leads to another. And questions are good as they reflect interest and make the other person feel valued. Even basic questions like would you like some tea....how'd you sleep...can I get you anything...what should we cook today, etc. genuine compliments go a long way as well. And just as you don't spend every moment talking to your parents/siblings/children/spouse...your in-laws will need some time to themselves too. Be mindful of your body language, most communication is nonverbal and it can unintentionally send the wrong message sometimes. So, even if you don't have anything to say, a smile can ease the awkwardness.

30

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

It is so cutely sad... you are in kind of a sticky situation.. can very much relate to you.. after decade and half.. still put up a** bahu show.**.. for the inlaws.. it is like i have invisible safety / caution screens that come out when i am around them.

maybe all bahus do it.. be it from the same background or different.. in one way or another.. they have to be a certain way in front of them. Girl! this will be a breeze.. don't sweat it.. buy them gifts .. that always make them happy..

31

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Don't avoid them, be a good friendly hostess, parents deserve respect not matter whose....you sound like you don't even want to put the effort to spend time since 'you' get annoyed....two months of not going to the gym/inviting friends over won't stop the world....have a 'barra dil' unki khidmat karo aur duain loo....trust me it will pay off at the end...
And if you still for the life in you can't do this just imagine yourself in 30 something years from now on sitting alone in a living room and 'your' British born bahu avoiding you

32

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

why being cautious or nice to them is termed as Bahu Show? if you are calling it a SHOW then does that mean your intentions within your heart are different then what you show to them on the face?

i don't see it only relates to in-laws. i think we have to conform to different situations/atmosphere and behave accordingly.
like i can yell at the top of my lungs while i am in some kind of argument with my brother but i do not do behave this way when i disagree on anything with my dad. does this mean i am putting up a show in front of my dad? Certainly Not.

At home i always work on my laptop while lying down on the couch will i do this in my office? NO. why? because i have to conform to the particular standard and environment at office but this doesn't mean that i am not being ME when i am in office.

as mature people and adults we must understand and be able to conform peacefully to the set standards of each different set-up and situation but this doesn't reflect that we are putting up any kind of a show or we are not just being ourselves.

33

Hmmm, pretend to have seizures perhaps? Come up with chronic fatigue syndrome?

Oh here is a real one, help them make some friends, help then be independent, get them Oyster cards, show them routes, get them cell phones and maybe introduce them to some other people their age. They probably will find things to do, and this you will not have to see then.

Done.

34

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Here are some pointers:

  • Get your MIL to guide you through a dish you cant cook, this way she'd be doing most of the talking and you'd only need to speak to ask her questions.

  • Take them to the mall, help them buy gifts for the family back home.

  • Take them to a nice park and just have chai & samosas. In fact, go walking often so it becomes a shared activity that doesn't require too much talking.

  • ask MIL what she likes to watch on tv, and if its some drama, get her to update you on the story.

  • take them to a weekly dars (if your family is into that sorta stuff)

As long as they see you making an effort to accommodate/ involve them in your life, then (assuming they're sensible folks) they wouldn't mind you doing your own thing as well.

I have to sometimes make a real effort to hold a conversation with my Daadi-Saas (MIL's MIL).... elderly folks like talk and they like being heard, so i just start by asking similar questions and listen to her as intently as possible...

Do their khidmat within reason, iA you'll be rewarded for it. There's nothing like hearing the words "khush raho beta" and knowing they meant it :)

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Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Many of us feel like we put on the** Bahu Show** with the in-laws. A lot of people here have given you advice on how to avoid them (job, classes, home projects, faking illness, cooking spree, etc) and I'll add a few more things you can do as well. But each day presents us with the opportunity to reap blessings. And in 90 days, we'll be in Ramadan and Ramadan makes us all lethargic and they will most likely want to nap a big chunk of the day and you may want to do that as well.

God has given you a golden opportunity to reap so many blessings. Be good to them as you would with your own parents. You don't have to spend every waking moment with them. Balance your self needs but also be a gracious host and Daughter-in-Law. Even if they are monsters, be nice but limit your interaction with them without making it obvious that you're avoiding them. If they're not monsters but just different wavelength, take this opportunity to grow personally. To look beyond a person's superficial and really look at their hearts. What wisdom can they share with you, stories of when your husband was a child or a teenager, what lost arts do they posses (cooking, crotchet, knitting, embroidery, jewelry beading, paper crafting)

However you approach their stay, they will be here for 2 months with you. It's a temporary stay. Why take steps to make this an unhappy stay---a stay in a "sunera pinjra". Whatever you do, they will think back about this trip a 100 times even after the next time. You have a choice, you can make it difficult or easy on yourself and them.

The best blessings are the duas you never hear but are from the heart of those who have benefited from you. Whether openly praise you or not, this is an opportunity to reap a million duas.

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Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Besides napping, I can't think of any other way to avoid them. I think everyone else thought of great ways to avoid them. But I did think of another list of things you can do, but **with **them.

  1. Daily morning walk - 1st thing in the morning. You all will get exercise and have a fresh supply of endorphines to start your day
  2. Eat Breakfast Together
  3. Take them on your errands - So that they get to get out of the house once a day. Even on mundane errands like food shopping will become a fun family activity as they muse over things they don't have back home.
  4. Do a cooking show starring you and your MIL. It will be so much fun! Video tape this and show hubby, and keep for posterity. You can also put them up on youtube. I'm always there looking for cooking ideas :)
  5. Signup for some classes together, whether it is an Islamic class or a crafts class. Doing things together helps bond people. It will give you something more to talk about other than "Pakistani" things.
  6. Take them sight seeing. It'll give you an opportunity to see things that you haven't seen lately or ever.
  7. Do outdoor summer concerts
  8. Take them to gardens
  9. Plant an herb garden with you MIL and your updates on the garden will give you something to talk about.
  10. Learn to sew and/or design some clothes!

These are things that I would enjoy doing with my Mom but perhaps if you share with us what you enjoy, I'll be happy to give you more suggestions.

37

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

but if she naps all the time wouldnt that get them talking about her more i dont understand why u cant just pretend for a few weeks? im sure u would like ur own husband to have some respect for ur parents so why not to do the same by showing a little bit to his

38

Zayma,

I am giving the OP options. Napping is an additional suggestion to the running list since their stay may coincide with Ramadan. Not the sole way of avoiding them, if avoiding them is the route she chooses.

39

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

ok :)

40

Re: How to avoid spending time with the in-laws

Show your husband this thread. He'll make sure they avoid you.