Hi everyone…I am getting married in March and am still in the process of shopping…I am totally against the concept of lots of dowry and find it stupid to take mounds of things to a place which already has everything necessary required (I am getting married in a joint family). My inlaws are quiet about it, they just said that we have a small store and not much place for your things. But they never said DONT bring anything, God has given us everything.My aunties keep telling me u shud take everything with you if you dont want to hear things from your inlaws…this worries me, please suggest me what to do…whenever i go for shopping i feel everything unnecessary and useless like fancy beddings, crockeries, juicers/blenders, tv, fridge, microwave and blah blah… what do youn guys say? should i take just the necessities with me and wait & see what my inlaws have to say to me or should i take the whole truck with me and sleep with bundles of things in my bedroom because they dont have space for my things. Please Help. Really Confused
LOL! Well what do i say? hmm well honestly speaking i do think its a wrong trend cuz it puts lots of pressure on parents who can't afford to buy all those things for their daughters. The inlaws should def put in an effort and ask the girl's parents not to spend so much on dowry, only as much as their heart desires n their pocket allows.
However, if somebody can afford then why not? how exactly is that a waste of money? ofcourse unless u dont like nice bedding, n nice crockery n stuff?!. I know i like my stuff 2 be nice n of good quality be it my clothes, my beddings or whatever. So i would want my parents to buy me nice stuff but ofcourse nt at the expense of getting them in debt or in stress.
One should be smart enough to strike a balance. Ofcourse your inlaws to be woud be having those stuff already available but its just a tend i guess for the new couple to use new stuff?! i dont know. If u r nt too keen on it then dnt buy it. But im not sure how it wl be taken by yr inlaws. They may be saying that they dont have storage but i think nowadays everyone expect their dils to bring in something with them. It's wrong of them to expect but whatever, i can only advice u to atleast take basic stuff like yr room furniture n some bedding to save yr self trouble for later. You don't have to buy top notch stuff but do buy watever u can afford.
Goodluck.
I am against jahiz. So much that I told my parents that I won't take a thing even when they wanted to give me. Hubs and I will build our house step by step. That's how it should be. My in laws said the same thing, there is no room for your stuff at his place but I never in all this time of my shaadi heard a single thing about jahiz. I did take my clothes only. I had a lot, like 8-9 suitcases of clothes. Not all newly made though. Things I've been using too. If you really want to buy something, and your in laws don't already have it, I suggest by small appliances.. like blenders, food processers, juicer. Maybe a dinner set. Don't buy fridge please. Small t hings are okay to take becaue to be honest, you'll need those but big things should be bought by your husband. If they really have an space issue, well good for you. Don't take anything, just your own clothes, makeup etc. i heard the space issue and I can tell you, my stuff after all t his time is still sitting outside because there really isn't any space to put it :(
Re: How much Jahaiz?
Thanks guys for your replies. Money is not an issue, but I don't want to waste it either on unpractical stuff. Spiral how many of the things u brought are actually being used? I mean some of the clothes crockery and bed sheets mom brought with her are still locked out and not used till this date! (although she is living with dad independantly from the first day) How practical are 20 fancy bed sheets, 5 amazing dinner sets ( which wud remain packed until a herd of 50-60 guests bombard your house, which is quite unlikely) and how practical is a washing machine packed outside when theres already a fine functional washing machine in the washroom? And Spiral I really appreciate your guts regarding taking minimum jahaiz with u!
It wud be the last thing I want that what I brought with me with so much love,care and money, is rusting under the sun....
Don't go with nothing, but bring things that will be practical. You're right, you dont need several bed sheets or fancy dish sets. I dont know if this helps, but here are just some suggestions:
-two sets of sheets (not fancy, they are covered anyways!)
-one fancy comforter/bedspread set
-one comforter set for everyday use
-one dish set with enough place settings for guests
-one dish set for regular use at home
-a set of pots/pans
-casserole type dishes for serving food
-food storage containers
-cutlery
-towels
-knife set
-set including slotted spoon, serving spoon and ladle
I think this would be the bare minimum that you could bring. Its not necessary to bring everything at once, and if your in laws have said they dont have room, then this gives you the perfect response if they ever do throw it back in your face. You can slowly make lists with your husband or in laws and see what you need or don't have. I agree that you shouldnt be bringing huge appliances...if you're living in a joint family, will you just have a room for yourself or a floor of the house or what? If you want a TV for your bedroom, then you could get that, otherwise I dont think you should burden your parents.
Re: How much Jahaiz?
You should buy things that you'll need...like bedroom furniture....tv...if you have your own floor then everything that should be in a house....if you haven't then only bedroom furniture..clothes....kitchen things...dinner set......etc etc....you should buy every thing you need..but pleas do buy 1 or 2...My cousin married last year...her mother gave her about 12 bed sheets!! MY GOD!!
Thanks guys for your replies. Money is not an issue, but I don't want to waste it either on unpractical stuff. Spiral how many of the things u brought are actually being used? I mean some of the clothes crockery and bed sheets mom brought with her are still locked out and not used till this date! (although she is living with dad independantly from the first day) How practical are 20 fancy bed sheets, 5 amazing dinner sets ( which wud remain packed until a herd of 50-60 guests bombard your house, which is quite unlikely) and how practical is a washing machine packed outside when theres already a fine functional washing machine in the washroom? And Spiral I really appreciate your guts regarding taking minimum jahaiz with u! It wud be the last thing I want that what I brought with me with so much love,care and money, is rusting under the sun....
I didn't bring any dinner set although my parents have bought one for me but there wasn't any space to keep it with all the stuff that he already had so my parents ended up using it themselves. I'll tell you this, my husband lived alone and he still had the space issue. I am not into fancy bed sheets and stuff but I bought two anyway, and till this date, i haven't even used it once. never, its still packed. Like i said best thing to buy is small appliances that too if your husband's family doesn't have it. Warna woh bhi waste ho ga. Your parents can give you cash to spend on things you and your husband like rather than getting things you'll never use.
Does your husband live alone or the whole family lives together??
Re: How much Jahaiz?
for the girls whose Inlaws stay in pakistan...did u guys get bedroom furniture????
i will be there for two weeks after the wedding and thn return to the US...so my mom is planning to buy me bedroom furniture for pakistan ...but in the US he already has most of it so i m just taking the extras.
but i m confused abt wasting money in pakistan.
Re: How much Jahaiz?
Well my sister got married in Pk and her in laws are also there..but after the wedding she just stayed there for a little while and then came bk to the UK...we didnt give proper jahez and they didnt ask..bcoz we though there was no point bcoz her and her husbund will not be living there..we just bought basics like a dinner set..dressing table...tv trolley..phone and bed sheets maybe a little bits and bobs...
Don't go with nothing, but bring things that will be practical. You're right, you dont need several bed sheets or fancy dish sets. I dont know if this helps, but here are just some suggestions:
-two sets of sheets (not fancy, they are covered anyways!) -one fancy comforter/bedspread set -one comforter set for everyday use -one dish set with enough place settings for guests -one dish set for regular use at home -a set of pots/pans -casserole type dishes for serving food -food storage containers -cutlery -towels -knife set -set including slotted spoon, serving spoon and ladle
I think this would be the bare minimum that you could bring. Its not necessary to bring everything at once, and if your in laws have said they dont have room, then this gives you the perfect response if they ever do throw it back in your face. You can slowly make lists with your husband or in laws and see what you need or don't have. I agree that you shouldnt be bringing huge appliances...if you're living in a joint family, will you just have a room for yourself or a floor of the house or what? If you want a TV for your bedroom, then you could get that, otherwise I dont think you should burden your parents.
don't you get a lot of these things as wedding gifts though? iunno in our family jahez is only clothes, so this list is a bit weird for me
for the girls whose Inlaws stay in pakistan...did u guys get bedroom furniture????
i will be there for two weeks after the wedding and thn return to the US...so my mom is planning to buy me bedroom furniture for pakistan ...but in the US he already has most of it so i m just taking the extras. but i m confused abt wasting money in pakistan.
I don't think you should even spend money on bedroom furniture because I am assuming he will atleast have a bed infact he should be the one to arrange everything for you...When you return to US you can ask your mum to buy to bedroom furniture and whtever she wish to give you....but in my opinion its a total waste of money to buy things in pakistan when you are not planning on staying there for long
Oh well atleast thts wht I m gona do =)
Re: How much Jahaiz?
I've moved in with my husband into a seperate house straight after thwe wedding. My jahez consisted of my clothes and the things that my husband didn't already have that I would need. That included:
A large wardrobe
Saucepans (as my husband only had a couple)
Formal dinnerset and cutlery
Serving dishes trays etc
Teaset
Cheesboard (I love my cheese!)
Crystal glasses
Food processor
Storage jars
Bed sheets
etc
Like I say I only had stuff that was lacking and that I would have use of, and I have to say I've only been married 6 months have already used everything.
Re: How much Jahaiz?
Maybe its just me but i would never take so much stuff when I know im going into a joint family. Why would I want them to use up my stuff? 
Though, bedsheets, a few deocrative items for the home, some nice dishes, are okay i guess.
Re: How much Jahaiz?
Discuss it with your husband to be, he probably knows better what you should bring with you. I'd say just take stuff for your room (furniture, tv, etc) and call it a day. If you're going into a joint family system, chances are they have pretty much everything already, you can take a dinner set or something.
don't you get a lot of these things as wedding gifts though? iunno in our family jahez is only clothes, so this list is a bit weird for me
maybe, but in a country where registries dont exist, will you really depend on others to get all the things you need? You might get 5 salt and pepper shakers but not one set of sheets...jehez usually includes houseware and furniture as well because the boy's family often expects it.
Re: How much Jahaiz?
^ I didnt know that jahaiz included so many things as well. It makes sense though if you live in a country where there are no registries ... or people are not in the habit of giving cash as a gift.
My question is do the boy's family usually expect Jahaiz even if u and the guy are planning on living separately???
Re: How much Jahaiz?
so i spoke to my him and asked him what he things. he said if I mind his bedroom furniture (they have his parents wedding bedroom set )...just bring the room stuff...so i m going to buy the room set (i guess they never got a new one for his room since he has been here for almost 8 years).
also will take these items: few bedsheet, few duvet sets (will take frm US)..and maybe few nice decorative stuff for the room (candles etc)...oh n towels (also from here).
Re: How much Jahaiz?
here a biggggg home prepare with every single stuff ...
but jahiz is sharing...like half boy(big furnitures) & half by girl side...soooo never get tension may in law family will say words...cuz both side give equaly almost...
i hope you are joking by saying this, that is not the attitude you should be taking with you especially if you are going into a joint family because i fyou are living with family…then act as a family…
as far as jahaiz…the whole concept stinks…everyone who has gotten married in my family, Alhamdulillah has the same atittude…even when i got married, my husband made it clear that they did not want anything…and the same when my brother got married…and nowadays, we are preparing for my brother in laws wedding, and we have said the same thing…but what I have found over the years…is that the groom side will say we dont want anything, but the brides’ family and parents still want to give something, they feel that they want to…so we always say of course you can give what you want to your daughter, but give to your daughter, what you want…but like in my brother in laws case his wife, inshallah will come to USA after a few months, so they should not buy anything that is of no use to her there…and in our house in USA, Alhamdulillah their room is already all set up, and we have everything…
THANK-YOU!