Re: How much is too much?
In true love nothing would be hidden.
Re: How much is too much?
Lol
Re: How much is too much?
I think not everyone can handle what you share. Just consider that thread where the wife shared her past relationship and guy is suspicious about her checking her ex fb. Some people on the other hand might appreciate that you trusted them and shared it and wont use it against you afterwards. We cant really make a generalize proposition of it can/ should be shared or not. It depends from person to person and relationship u have with your spouse.
If I was the guy, I would run away really fast not because of drinking but because of complete lack of social and emotional intelligence.
Re: How much is too much?
So what exactly is trying drinking? Like taking a drink and vomiting?
or, taking a drink and realizing you hate the taste and don't like it.
Re: How much is too much?
Drinking is a trying experience
Re: How much is too much?
It wasn't necessary to share that with him, OP. And your parents' concerns are valid.
Re: How much is too much?
I find it interesting that people do really weird **** in Pakistan and think its a big deal. You had a drink good for you. My friends consistently pressured me to drink in Europe. Every friday/saturday/sunday night was in a bar. I didn't take a drop. Not saying you are at fault or i am better, what I am stating is that personal weakness is a weakness regardless of your geographical location.
And I think you should tell your hubby. My wife did so and I do with her. It works better when you establish a foundation of trust.
Re: How much is too much?
Drinking is a trying experience
Care to elaborate.
Re: How much is too much?
Care to elaborate.
Someone was asked to explain what "trying drinking" meant. So just switched the order. New meaning. No significance.
Seriously though, drinking is overrated. I wish people could discuss business without having to do it "over a beer". If one doesn't drink that's cool. And this is what I would tell my relatives if they asked for my opinion.
Re: How much is too much?
Nope, I dont believe in revealing one's past to another. A friend of mine got married at age 18 to a guy much older than her. He asked her AFTER their wedding if she had a boyfriend before and she lied and said no. She actually did, and I knew about their secret r/ship.
Honestly, I think she did good by not revealing her past because who knows that the guy may flip out and accuse her of whatever? She is now happily married AH. I asked her why she did that and she told me it's better to leave things to the past and start anew. It was a lie but maybe it was for the better. She probably knew her husband would not be okay with it. Some may argue that her lie was a bad choice.
Every one has different opinions. You are lucky your fiance is okay with whatever you told him. Not all would have been accepting.
I believe in telling every thing after shaadi. And i dont mean telling your past but telling about your current life and sentiments. PAST is PAST!!
By the way, having a boyfriend and drinking are two things quite different. I am not sure if guys are more accepting to drinking as compared to being involved with another man. I wonder...
Re: How much is too much?
How much information should you share with your spouse ? Is there a limit, should you strive to share everything?
I personally share everything. I don't like to keep anything hidden. Today I told my future hubby that I have tried drinking before. I explained it all to him, and I was shocked that he took it better than my mom. He gave me encouragement and support and was understanding, even though from his face I could tell he was a bit shaken lol. He is born, raised and lives in Pakistan, so to be honest I was not expecting this reaction.
My parents on the other hand are another story. I told them I told him because I want to share everything with my husband, and they are crying about how he might not want to marry me anymore and asking me how can I trust a person so easily/quickly. Then they also said you don't know what kind of person he is, he may use this against you someday, etc. They say that some things are best left hidden for the betterment of the marriage. What do you make of that? I was just appalled that they would even say that. I'm supposed to be sharing my entire life with this guy, and here they are patronizing me for trusting him so much. Like WHAAATTT ?! I know that I'm right with sharing this with him, because he appreciates it, but my parents are really making me feel bad about myself. Like they have more experience than me, so maybe they have a point.
you rebel, you
please keep yourself in check and listen to the information you're parents are giving you right now.
in the future, you'll look back and say how reckless you were with your words and your life
Re: How much is too much?
Normally the rule of the thumb is in these sort of situation is that..why would you want to advertise your sin?. If it happened..it was in the past and Allah knows. As long as you have become a better person..what does it matter anyway.
Re: How much is too much?
I wonder if this ''sharing'' is limited only to discussion of lifestyle and views etc.
Re: How much is too much?
Nope, I dont believe in revealing one's past to another. A friend of mine got married at age 18 to a guy much older than her. He asked her AFTER their wedding if she had a boyfriend before and she lied and said no. She actually did, and I knew about their secret r/ship.
Honestly, I think she did good by not revealing her past because who knows that the guy may flip out and accuse her of whatever? She is now happily married AH. I asked her why she did that and she told me it's better to leave things to the past and start anew. It was a lie but maybe it was for the better. She probably knew her husband would not be okay with it. Some may argue that her lie was a bad choice.
Every one has different opinions. You are lucky your fiance is okay with whatever you told him. Not all would have been accepting.
I believe in telling every thing after shaadi. And i dont mean telling your past but telling about your current life and sentiments. PAST is PAST!!
By the way, having a boyfriend and drinking are two things quite different. I am not sure if guys are more accepting to drinking as compared to being involved with another man. I wonder...
So are you advocating one rather lie and lead a life or marry someone who will accept one as they are?
Re: How much is too much?
What I find interesting is the majority of the women are advertising lying to their husbands.
A shocker really as if their husband lied to them they would ***** about it here on Life1.
Re: How much is too much?
How much information should you share with your spouse ? Is there a limit, should you strive to share everything?
I personally share everything. I don't like to keep anything hidden. Today I told my future hubby that I have tried drinking before. I explained it all to him, and I was shocked that he took it better than my mom. He gave me encouragement and support and was understanding, even though from his face I could tell he was a bit shaken lol. He is born, raised and lives in Pakistan, so to be honest I was not expecting this reaction.
My parents on the other hand are another story. I told them I told him because I want to share everything with my husband, and they are crying about how he might not want to marry me anymore and asking me how can I trust a person so easily/quickly. Then they also said you don't know what kind of person he is, he may use this against you someday, etc. They say that some things are best left hidden for the betterment of the marriage. What do you make of that? I was just appalled that they would even say that. I'm supposed to be sharing my entire life with this guy, and here they are patronizing me for trusting him so much. Like WHAAATTT ?! I know that I'm right with sharing this with him, because he appreciates it, but my parents are really making me feel bad about myself. Like they have more experience than me, so maybe they have a point.
OP, i know where you coming from. i have this need too that i want to have this one person in my life as my companion with whom i can share literally everything. the past and the current both including the negatives or my weaknesses that i might not have shared with anyone else. it is this feeling, that you have at least one person who would accept you with all your good and bad and with whom you do not need to keep any pretensions.
so if you ask me i would say you did it right by sharing it with your fiance, but i understand your parents concern as well because according to parents sharing secrets of this nature with spouse is not wise.
Re: How much is too much?
I would tell my husband everything but not too early on in the marriage.
Re: How much is too much?
If u can't tell early on, you will never tell.
Re: How much is too much?
I was all about being truthful and honest, till I realized, everything I say to my wife in confidence ends up with her two best friends, three sisters and her mother within a day. Now I just keep things to myself.
So I guess it depends on what kind of husband he is. He may have taken it well now and maybe that is it. Or he could be like the vengeful Godfather guy in the other thread, scheming something for later.
Re: How much is too much?
If u can't tell early on, you will never tell.
Yes you can. You just have to wait till you know you're both stable and know the type of person they are when it comes to secrets, especially in an arrange marriage.