How much involvement (from a non-aggressive point of view) is too much from inlaws?
Im talking about inlaws you actually like, respect and want to keep happy.
Is it reasonable for them to want to see your paychecks, monitor your savings and give you an allowance?
Re: How much is too much?
Is it reasonable for them to want to see your paychecks,
NO
monitor your savings
NO
and give you an allowance?
HELL NO
Thank God my inlaws have never asked this stuff.
Re: How much is too much?
*How much involvement (from a non-aggressive point of view) is too much from inlaws? *
In my opinion parents in law involvement as parents is perfectly fine. Like I would be really touched if my parents in law stop me from doing something because they believe that it's not right for me . There shafqat and experience means alot if used wisely.
**
Im talking about inlaws you actually like, respect and want to keep happy.**
Hmmm can't think of anyone
Is it reasonable for them to want to see your paychecks, monitor your savings and give you an allowance?
No ! Once you are married you have a family of your own to take care of. If they want to control their son and his earnings for the rest of his life then don't get him married. If he is a son he is also someone's husband and someone's father and have equal responsibility towards them. Parents should get their due share and wife & kids their due share.
Re: How much is too much?
How much involvement (from a non-aggressive point of view) is too much from inlaws?
Im talking about inlaws you actually like, respect and want to keep happy.
Is it reasonable for them to want to see your paychecks, monitor your savings and give you an allowance?
No.
Definitely not for either side of in-laws! It's the couples' business.
Re: How much is too much?
wut. not even my husband does this.
Re: How much is too much?
^ hahah yeh I'd be surprised if my husband asked to see all these things too let alone my in laws.
Re: How much is too much?
when they control u.thats when u need to run away.
Re: How much is too much?
Ladies, Im curious to know why no men have commented on this issue. Is it because they believe it is okay for this to happen on some level?
Would they ask their wives to do these things?
Re: How much is too much?
How much involvement (from a non-aggressive point of view) is too much from inlaws?
I am not married yet so I cant be specific here, but whether its your parents, siblings, your co-workers, friends, standard should be same for everyone.
my standard is if they go on and on about the same issue and instead of finding the solution, if they use the same weakness to attack someone, if they are so-called educated but i have to stoop to their level and then beaten by their experiences, I end up having no interest in them and their lives. (though i have to be flexible with parents and with siblings)
Im talking about inlaws you actually like, respect and want to keep happy.
one should respect, and want to keep them happy even if they are not your in-laws, or your cruel co-worker or the ones who rejected you (i meant your rishta)
Is it reasonable for them to want to see your paychecks, monitor your savings and give you an allowance?
no, not at all. if you work your ass off then you should be the boss of your spendings and cash-flow.
anyho, anyone who fears ALLAH SWT believes solely in ALLAH SWT, and dont values money up to the level of consider it a god, which solves all the problems of life.
Re: How much is too much?
*How much involvement (from a non-aggressive point of view) is too much from inlaws? *
husband and wife should solve their matters by themselves. in-laws should only intervene when they think that things are out of hand othewise they shouldnot jump in every other second or when their kid has asked specifically for help.
Im talking about inlaws you actually like, respect and want to keep happy.
yeah whatever type of in-laws they are. same rule applies
Is it reasonable for them to want to see your paychecks, monitor your savings and give you an allowance?
not at all cause no one likes to be controlled (only your own parents are an exception)
Re: How much is too much?
Is it reasonable for them to want to see your paychecks, monitor your savings and give you an allowance?
No, No and No
If topic comes up in discussions and my spouse tell them something, thats something else but a formal "review" process, nope. Although we (me and my wife) have never discussed this but I am sure that savings does come up in casual mom-daughter discussion and my inlaws might have an idea where we stand but they have never asked me directly nor my wife.
I can tell you that no one other than my wife and Tax Advisor knows how much I exactly earn. Not even my parents or inlaws.
Re: How much is too much?
Although I haven't really stepped into married life yet, I would prefer less of an involvement from my in-laws (and I'm someone who wants to have a very good relationship with them inshallah). Advice will be more than welcomed if needed.
Having said that, it might be difficult to manage that in some households and depends on how much you want to be involved in your SO's finances. My fiance just started his very first job after college because his parents were well-off and didn't let him work while studying. He relied on them for his expenses so they were always involved in his finances in a way. At this point, whatever he has is inheritance money and they will have the right to advise on whatever he chooses to do with that money (buy house, start business etc .,) that's something I as a daughter-in-law should have/do not have issues with). If anything, I would actually want to stay out of it.
I on the other hand have been working since high school and worked through college as well. I'm used to paying for my own stuff and not really being held accountable for it or have it monitored by my parents. Now that I have been financially independent for so long, it's hard for me to involve even my fiance in my finances let alone his parents. It doesn't mean I don't respect them or anything.
So basically monitoring/giving advice on his savings/inheritance = MAYBE YES.
Monitory our paychecks, everyday expenditures etc., = NO.
Re: How much is too much?
Is it reasonable for them to want to see your paychecks, monitor your savings and give you an allowance?
NO NO NO NO ON ON ON NO ONONNONONONO!!!!!
NO!
Re: How much is too much?
not reasonable at all.
Re: How much is too much?
Which planet those in-laws live who see the paycheck, monitor savings or give allowance to a woman?
OK. Very very and…very rare situations may happen, like a meteor could hit the earth.
So no, no and no. Like the meteor mishap!
Re: How much is too much?
There are so many inlaws who do this and I am surprised that people feel that it's uncommon.
The worse is when inlaws instead of asking play spiteful games to get a control on your money. You know one is asking and one is thagna and some people thug their own wife / DIL. It is a very very difficult and sad situation for any person to be in.
Re: How much is too much?
There are so many inlaws who do this and I am surprised that people feel that it's uncommon.
The worse is when inlaws instead of asking play spiteful games to get a control on your money. You know one is asking and one is thagna and some people thug their own wife / DIL. It is a very very difficult and sad situation for any person to be in.
So you think it is not uncommon? In other words....it is common?
My point was that good and bad are everywhere and the combination of three scenarios (seeing paycheck, monitoring saving and giving allowances) is not only uncommon but actually rare. Just think of probability factor by using a little math.
There was a time in old days when SOME men use to put money on the hand of their mother, but the talk about paycheck, saving relates to relatively modern time. These relate to either banking or mail and accessing these would not be so easy for anyone and can be controlled.
Besides, all three combined... would still be very rare. That's all. :)
*We live in reality world, not some made up scenarios. *
P.S. Your post # 3 did make sense.
Re: How much is too much?
True that these things are not easy unless the account holders allows you to. But speaking from experience it is thought by the inlaws that after marriage all earnings of wife belongs to husband and inlaws. She just does not have any right over it. She has to handover all of it. There is always a physical evidence of your salary and by chance if anyone gets a hold of it then you can not hide your financial info anymore. Believe me people search their wife's hand bags and stuff in their absence to find these things and like I said some people ask and some people use ways to get money while acting shareef and angelic.
an here is a real life scenario for you which is not so rare. parents forcing son to give all his earnings to them and telling him to run his own house on wife's earnings. Now indirectly they are making dil pay for their expenses. Kahnay ko to they are taking money from their own son but actually they are doing it by using their dil.
there is saying that app achay to duniya achi. so that does not mean if you or your family have never done something like that it does not happen. You can find hundreds of such examples in middle income and lower income families in Pakistan.
Re: How much is too much?
Stay tuned folks ;)
Something tells me this isn't over just yet.
Re: How much is too much?
