How Much Is Too Much???

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

ask and do what you feel you need to do. ask family, friends, neighbors, etc. hire an investigator if it will give you the peace of mind you need.

i know of girls who married cousins (both parties were here in the US) that they grew up with...and after marriage found out the guy had girlfriends and affairs going on the side and didn't have proper paperwork. so depends how much you are willing to take their word and trust them for what it is, or do your homework and own research :).

22

You're right, they dont investigate anything. Nothing at all. I know non-desies who wish their parents had actually bothered to ask these questions because it protects both parties from ending up in situations they dont want to be in. They want someone to care this much about them.

If you claim to make $30,000 a year, own a small home and work as a teacher. You should be able to prove it. No one will ask for your family's property papers...simply YOUR OWN documentation. Its about being honest and simply backing up your own claims, thats it.

If its my daughter...I want to know it all.

Absolutely. I would like to see actual proof or someone should be checking into claims a rishta is making.

23

i was asked nothing, i don’t know if the girl side had investigation on me..

but i know my dad did investigate girl & her family… :hehe: ..

it was like:

hey dad this is the girl..
dad: hmmm.
dad: alright, i will meet the girl parents, if they match with us then i have no problem.
jee daddy.
dad: yeh lo apni ami sey baat karo..

that was it..at girl house.her parents ask nothing.. just talk about nothing related to me, it was fun though.. :hehe:

24

Aww...thats how it should be. If after being in love with someone and still having certain reservations.....then somethings nto right IMO.

25

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

A general attitude should be:

Both parties have the full right to ask or investigate whatever they feel important to know.

Both parties have full right to withold the info. But, both parties have full right to be suspicious if not satisfied and can reject!

Ask any question so later one does not regret.

26

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

has long as she's into bondage, everything else is secondary.

27

MyAmma gota knw i love sum1 ,she didnt asked me what he do..she talked to him over the phone.. n he came with his paresnts ..we met we had lunch.. had a chit chat about everything xcept " his investigation's stuff".!! no investigation abt jobs, education, or his life blah blah.. all my Abba said was " Larka shareef hai to baki koi maani nahin rakhna"

28

Can't a resume suffice with references rather than tax returns or property deeds. My friend was telling me one of his friends had a rishta proposal and they girls parents decided to show up at his work place during peak hours. They asked to see the bosses. The Guy was furious. The girls parents were show the door firmly.

And it can work both ways, it depends on the vibes you get on both sides. So not all of it has to be an interrogation in camp x-ray like guantanamo bay. I may be generalizing, but most, if not all of the time, its the girls and their parents who do such things.

29

lol! Actually that'd be fun!!!

30

haha..that scene would be great for a sitcom

31

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

Any overt and too invasive investigation is not acceptable.

But one of my friend not (on behalf of SIL) only investigated his office property but also called for a formal interview which was amount to torturing, insulting before saying yes.

He was proud at what he has done, but i do not think any self respecting person want to go through this kind of process.

32

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

^ and why exactly did that guy go through the process? I would have told him to piss off.

33

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

salary/property/assets should not be asked, not by parents anyway. its not even relevent.... is it? its quite materialistic imo.

The focus should be their education/job title (grade scale might give you an idea of the salary), character, his views on certain issues/family background, future plan etc.

34

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

When my parents were going through the process for my sister, the only thing my father was concerned about was the education of the boy and his family. Money matters, inheritances, salaries was not even considered a discussion topic.

35

Haha this is so true, some people can get so ridiculous. This aunty was claiming her son was some hot shot investment banker living the high life in London when he was actually a manager at the local high street Halifax. There's nothing wrong with his actual job so I don't understand the need to lie...

It happens with the girls as well, one woman was boasting to anyone who would listen that her daughter was now a qualified neurosurgeon. I knew something was odd as the girl was only in her mid twenties. Turns out she had completed a PhD in neurosciences :D

Aww sooo cute!

36

I think it's fair. Perhaps be required to sign a NDA first, but I think it's reasonable for a potential rishta to want to see those things. I've heard of people lying about these types of things before.

37

Since there have been cases where guys make up things like income and profession, it probably is a good idea to get this sort of thing. However, if you know the boy already yourself, and you know for a fact where he works, etc, then this shouldn't be necessary. It would be advisable for totally arranged situations where you don't know anything about the guy or his family.

Inversely, if this is asked of a girl...I think that's pretty crass. Reverse discrimination, I know, but most guys really don't care what a womena's profession is, and in fact, are totally ok with it if you don't have one. So, not as important for a girl to show these things.

His assets - that I think is going too far. You're sending the message that you're looking for a rich guy. If I was a guy, thatt would be a turnoff, and it is private info not meant to be spread to the 100 families on avg you're going to sift through during the rishtaa process.

As far as income is concerned, it's ok to give a range. Again, specific numbers is wrong, because like I said, all that you disclose will known by 50-100 families out there, and that's a heck of a lot of strangers who don't need to know your private information.

SS#'s , etc is going too far.

38

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

:smiley:

His voice starts off suboptimal, but he really picks it up after 1 min.

39

If all of the above is what makes you happy, it is too much :P

If all of the above to ensure he is not a fraudia, not too much.

40

Okay, lemme clarify my thought process here for those who think Im a gold digger.

I dont mind a man that makes $40K or $100K. Its about the honesty. If you come to my parents and claim you are working at Motorola as an analyst and you make $60K. You should be able to prove it. Thats all. By no means does a man get disqualified if his salary is lower (Im not really looking for a rich guy)...he gets disqualified if his story doesnt match the paperwork.

I want to see naturalization papers because Ive been through the whole green card scam thing myself. Is it wrong for me to ask for this?

If he says he went to Univ of Okl. and graduated with an MBA...should I not see it?

If he says he makes $60K...should my parents not ask to see his check or 1040?

If he goes so far as to tell us he owns his own home...my parents shouldnt ask to see the deed/title/mortgage?

Am I being unreasonable?