How Much Is Too Much???

Lifestyle Relationships
1

So question for all the guys here…girls can answer as well.

How much investigation into your lives during the rishta process is too much?

What do you conside rude? Salary questions? Assets? Previous marriages and/or relationships?

2

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

Girth

3

:omg: I can just see the guy or girl’s mom coming with the measuring tape to measure the girth. Her figure is too thin - no child-bearing hips, his physique is too fat - yeh hamari beti kai barabar acha nahi lagayga.

As for the original question - the investigation part should confirm the biographical factual data of the individual. Anything else should be discussed, if the couple places priority on it, by the couple during the getting to know each other phase.

4

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

As much as I wana tell and as much as she wana know . But sometimes too much of info. is not good either .

5

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

boy better not get offended if the parents ask what he does, how much he makes and if he had a previous wife

and girl shouldn't get offended if the parents ask if she had any bfs/husbands (then again, i dont think parents typically ask that?)

My dad asked all that, my in laws asked me nothing. :D

6

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

^@ Namaan

Agreed :k:

7

I think investigations into salaries and assets should be done. Asking about previous marriages/relationships is also fair IMO, though I would have most likely tried to investigate that before there is any contact with the other party.

8

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

So, what if my parents want to see things like:

Degree
Paystubs
1040s
Property ownership (title, deed, etc) if he claims he owns his house
Naturalization papers or birth certificate showing he is a citizen

Is this too much?

9

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

in addition to above one should try to understand the ghar ka mahol , value etc of the rishta. it's extremely important , if things exactly not the same they should be similar. It's very important and should not be ignored thinking that shaadi ka baad he/she will change.

10

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

^To me, salary makes sense. Assets is a little too much. As long as one has a place to live (should know if the person owns it, belongs to family/friends or is rented) and if they have a car, it should be ok. I think asking about other assets is too much.

11

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

I think it depends on how the rishta was introduced. If it was though someone you know well and they have known the suitor for a very long time, it makes things much easier. My dad did ask my husband where he worked, how much he made, which school he went to, and what his career aspirations are. My mom ask my MIL about the khandaan (they are distant relatives so once they discovered that, there wasn't much left to be asked). My MIL told my mom about the property, who owned what, and so on...my mom didn't ask.
They didn't ask much about me but I'm sure that they asked around. And then teher were things we asked each other like family and religious values and I made something clear i.e. no drinking, drugs, partying...and he was ok with that. I didn't want to know details about his past but I did say that if there is anything that you feel that I should know at this point then you should tell me. He said there was nothing and we pretty much left it at that.

12

Toooo much is asking in detail what all the uncles/aunties/cousins do for a living etc., also how much the family's house is worth (not the boy/girl's own property I mean their parents home)..

When it comes to the couple themselves I don't think there's much that could be classed as 'too much.' Finding out about salary (a rough idea obviously, not a complete breakdown :D) isn't a big deal imo.. Would keep in mind tho that desi parents like to exaggerate, esp when it comes to their sons..

13

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

If my husband-to-be had asked me how much my salary was, I would have been totally wary/offended..... we never asked how much he made also, or about any assets.

My father only asked about his education, what kind of a job he had, where he lived, what were his future plans, whether I was expected to go to US with him to live in Pakistan, etc. My dad already knew about the family background (turned out my chaacha had studied with his dad) so he didn't ask any questions about that.

My husband janab asked me about my education, what I was doing currently, what were my interests, future plans, etc. There were no questions/discussions related to money/assets at all.

14

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

If the girls a gem i.e. really pretty; amazing in all regards OR the girl I love, then I wouldnt mind providing all the proofs because shes worth it :D and furthermore, she deserves the best guy out there, in all regards :)

15

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

too much ?

write an essay on orgasm.

16

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

no point in asking. people lie.
most direct method for obtaining information is to have them professionally investigated ... applies to male and female.

17

Re: How Much Is Too Much???

^ Exactly . Listen what ehlo007 said :p

18

Damn straight.

Also, i don't feel comfortable sharing my family or my family property details. Ask me anything you want. But not property at all!! Another reason for us to marry non-pakistani chicks..coz i don't see them or their family "investigating" about property.

19

I think the OP said she would require proof, not just an 'answer', which yes can be a lie.

I didnt think this way but after observing some of the posters here, I understand what you mean.

20

If a persons is important to me .. i.e. someone really specially .. then she can ASK anything .. .. .. .. I am not that kind a person who puts unreasonable don'ts and do's .. .. .. but if someone is random .. .. or even just a friend .. then .. I feel very annoyed if something comes to my personal life .. and specially investigation

if it is rishta thingy, then i guess @NaMaan answer is better .. ..