How much is enough to give you SASS

Lifestyle Wedding, Fashion & Beauty
41

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

don't give anything, or give very little. but then dont' be a hypocrite and spend thousands of dollars on designer outfits, 50-60 jahez ke joray, hundreds of dollars on makeup and waste bunch of money on lots of dishes and fazool decoration. its all with the package.

42

OMG same here! my mom went crazy. Shay everything you mentioned my mother did it too. my MIL got gold set and diamond earrings. not to mention my hubby's whole khandan was here from UK and there were around 30 ppl!!! My mom didn't get anything in return. when ever i think about it i get soooo pissed off! I kept telling her to stop but she won't listen to me and my mumani was saying the same thing your khala said.

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43

well i don't think its being hypocritical exactly... i think the complaint here is not the to give/not to give argument but rather how much to give/not to give. i'm sure all of our parents here would like to mark a special occasion like a wedding with something small for those involved. the problem is when that something small isn't big enough or good enough. spending money on all the other stuff you've mentioned is a whole another argument. thats where the to marry simply or go all out for one day comes in.

:)

and then, too, on the flipside, i keep reminding myself to be calm about this issue as now that i think about it, my in-laws didn't gift my parents anything, because they're not desi and maybe they didn't know about the ritual of exchanging gifts or whatever it is. i try to be good with my saas although i do get annoyed with her at times, just cos my mommeh is going to be a saas probably by next year iA and i hope the good vibes swing around in her direction too with my SIL. i know i wouldn't want her to feel like my mom was an ungenerous person. so i guess what i'm saying is perhaps all of us DIL's should consider giving the MIL's the benefit of a doubt initially? after all, most of us are newlywed's or to-be wed's, right? perhaps we need to give them time to settle down in their roles.

44

c girlzz..if u dont gieve anything to begin with and then if it so happens that htey dont give u back jack..then u wont get pissed off..maybe they will but at least u wont..;)..its the way to go my firends...hehe

45

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

it,s sad how people forget after receiving all the gifts...and show their claws..

46

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

Oh dear.

I hadn't even thought about that. I know my inlaws won't ask but I guess its one of those unspoken rules that no one talks about until after the event. For my engagement we gave all the women that came with them for the engagement ceremony Suits incl' suits for my SIL and MIL.

But I guess for the wedding I would give a gold earrings to my MIL and either a ring or gold earrings to my SIL, seeing as I will be paying for them, that's all I can afford. If they are not happy with that then that's their problem.

Your favourite Ice Cream Flavour ..
47

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

When I got married, my parents gave the following:

MIL--2 gold karay, 3 suits--this was when gold was cheaper
SILS(2)--1 pendant/earring set each, 1 suit
BIL--dress shirts, tie, suit material (they were in Pakistan), cologne
Aunties (i.e. phopo, khala, mami, chachi, etc)--1 suit each
Uncles--dress shirt (hardly any living uncles, maybe 3 uncles total)
immediate nieces and nephews--1 outfit each

My mom and sister got one suit in return. But you do know the thinking is, "Well, we're giving the bride so much barri, there's no reason to reciprocate equally to her family..."

48

I have been reading your responses. I want you to know I admire your courage to take on your entire wedding with such maturity and grace. We need more women like you around.
Allah bless.

A special note
49

Aww. thank you what a kind thing to say. Don't know how long it will last though lol

50

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

lol yes I think gujju people go wayy beyond wen it comes to ask for gifts wo to khul ke maang te hain without any sharam.. but allah ka shukar hai my sister is happily maried with a yr old daughter they did have a few problems at first bc my BIL'S mother always interefere everytime they wanted to go sumwhere even if it was their honeymoon she was like u spend too much money-wen I heard this im like wat the hell kaber mein peysaa le ker janaa hai-enjoy like for gods sake-- it got me mad but now everything is good so thank god- allah keep my sister happily that's all =)

51

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

We gave a suit to my MIl and one small gold pendent set along with a shawl. For FIl we gave sherwani fabric and one suit each for my 7 SILs and their spouses / fiance's for teh married/ engeaged ones. One suit for my BIl and one suit for the nani. At that time dh had 7 nieces and 2 nephews so the nieces got small godl earings each and the boys a suit each. We didn't give anything for their aunts, uncles etc as there were too many of them. On dh's paternal side alone are 8 siblings and their spouses, not to speak of the maternal. However, MIL was mad saying why we didn't gift clothes to them all plus money for bangles and henna to the girl cousins and shawls to all her "samdhans". (SILs' MILs) and also a suit for the non exsistant jethani (BIL was not even engagned at that time) Needless to say we didn't bow under their pressure. And no, my parents didn't get anything from their side.

52

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

Well .. lets see .. When my brother got married we got ...

My mum - 2 Karas (4 tolas total) and one casual suit.
My dad - a ring and a casual shalwar kamez
Me and my sis (2) - we got "mini sets" (3 tolas total) and one casual suit each
My brothers (2) - I dont remember them getting anything, but most probably they did get a suit each (shalwar kamez)

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53

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

Two of my brothers are married and my mother and I got a suit each both times.

My mum bought my sister in laws more gold than their own parents did.

And there's no taaney from us... we don't care, so people please don't assume all inlaws are money grabbers.

54

ek gharib ladki ki shadi asani sy ho sakti hai itny main ya iss sy kum,, so plz dena hai to uss ko do per per farz hai sass per ya shadi per itna kharch kiun israaf sy kam lo,, takah gharib bhi shadi kar sakin,,, phir bhi sub cheezoon main nuqs nikly hoon gah ,, jitna do koi nahin thnx kenta allah ki marzi per chalo plz sub asan ho jy ga

55

you said right , so plz no need to saysorry for right thing ok, i am agre with you

56

Totally agree!..

money grabbers can be found among any. Even among the brides family. I've seen plenty of those who start their so called "bari" from the ground and for instance buy 35 lipsticks in 5 different shades so tht they can be distributed among cousins and siblings ..

57

LOL!

Time Pass - March 2012
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Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

^ sounds like my dad!!
in fact, he suggested that we not give my bro's to-be-wife (iA) any bari or jaheyz but just give them cash so they can somewhat pay off their student loans (combined total of almost 100g's!!) and start life fresh and as debt free as possible.
but that was a bit extreme and mum refused to go along with that :p

59

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

^ I so0o0o0o0 agree with your dad!:p

60

Re: How much is enough to give you SASS

wow, i'm so surprised so many parents of the bride had to give so many gifts!
we're a moderately religious family, but my husband's mother and father are masha'Allah very, very religious and didn't want to do many of the rasams, including the extravagant gift giving between the inlaws. they weren't totally weird though and didn't object to my parents giving me gold sets and clothes, and i got a set from them and each of husband's mama/chacha, but there were no expectations that xyz HAD to be done.
so my mom gave a heavy sari to my MIL, a suit to my FIL, and a shalwar kameez to my SIL. they in turn gave clothes to my parents and brothers. that was it. really simple, no stress on either side, and lots of good vibes between the two families before and now even after the wedding. often when my mom comes to visit, she brings gifts for husband's mom, khala, momani etc but that's because she loves shopping and loves the sunnah of exchanging gifts ;)
anyway, it made for a really smooth shaadi/walima experience, and all my aunts and mom's friends told me mom how they wish they get similar experiences when their daughters get married :)