Speaking from an experience (I have seen both of the picture. Currently I am working full time but I have been stay-at-home-dad for more than a year when my wife was working full time. ):
It becomes unfair deal for wife when husband think that "oh she does not do anything, just stays at home"
It becomes unfair deal for husband when wife think that "I m getting unfair deal because If I go out, I can earn this much too"
It becomes a fair deal when both acknowledge that they both are working as a team and are putting in same amount of effort. There are few things that only one of the two can do best.
It makes life real easy if we start looking at the effort other person is putting in instead of any advantage that he/she may have.
Well, not much I can say if you feel like a dumb person. For those of us who are used to it and are also good at time management and multi-tasking, it can become mind numbing when you don't get a chance to have a decent convo, or read or book, or whatever.
Heh, I remember when I was I dunno, 8 or 9, I needed my mum to write me a note for school and it took her so long and she had forgotten how to spell words. I thought maybe she just wasn't that educated. Then in my teens, I found her O level folders... she had impeccable writing, her english was way better than mine, I also realised O levels were way more advanced than our GCSEs. That is what motherhood and cooking all day long had done to her. Now we're all grown up she's taken courses to try and remember what she had once known. Can't imagine how she must have felt all those years.
I remember experiencing temporary loss of memory right after childbirth and even now my memory isn't as good as it used to be. But having said that, I've read and learned a lot in all these past years of motherhood.
All the arguments I read in this thread; they seem to be based on a general assumption that HomeMaking is a thankless job. I totally disagree. I've see husbands in our social circle who are totally appreciative of what their wives do at home and they do everything and anything (inlcluding if possible; to work from home, come home early, buying gifts, giving her credit card so she can shop till she drops, and all) to help her out.
u have to realize that unfortunately, not everybody's husband is that great or appreciative....some wives, if they dare to complain ro say she's tired or stressed or whatever, they throw it back in her face that she incompetent, she can't handle anything, its her job to do that so why say thank you etc.
I'm sure wife can find better ways to communicate her feelings to husband so that he doesn't get defensive but....yeah. w/e.
Heh, I remember when I was I dunno, 8 or 9, I needed my mum to write me a note for school and it took her so long and she had forgotten how to spell words. I thought maybe she just wasn't that educated. Then in my teens, I found her O level folders... she had impeccable writing, her english was way better than mine, I also realised O levels were way more advanced than our GCSEs. That is what motherhood and cooking all day long had done to her. Now we're all grown up she's taken courses to try and remember what she had once known. Can't imagine how she must have felt all those years.
I remember experiencing temporary loss of memory right after childbirth and even now my memory isn't as good as it used to be. But having said that, I've read and learned a lot in all these past years of motherhood.
Well you Alhamdulillah have a supportive husband and have some time to do your own things. My mum's life, like many women of that generation meant that she didn't have a moment to herself and no one thought she ought to. But yes, it wasn't just motherhood, it was all the other things she was expected to do on top because 'it's not like she has anything else to do'.
Well you Alhamdulillah have a supportive husband and have some time to do your own things. My mum's life, like many women of that generation meant that she didn't have a moment to herself and no one thought she ought to. But yes, it wasn't just motherhood, it was all the other things she was expected to do on top because 'it's not like she has anything else to do'.
Now when I think of my own mother and my MIL, I realize they had the similar lifestyle as your mum's. :/
u have to realize that unfortunately, not everybody's husband is that great or appreciative....some wives, if they dare to complain ro say she's tired or stressed or whatever, they throw it back in her face that she incompetent, she can't handle anything, its her job to do that so why say thank you etc.
I'm sure wife can find better ways to communicate her feelings to husband so that he doesn't get defensive but....yeah. w/e.
That's sad :(
Unfortunately I have seen few wives too saying "aap kertey he kia hain? 8 ghantey office main baith ker aa jatey hain aur bus"
How many husbands are providing for a maid/nanny/lawn/school pickup and dropoff service on this forum right now? I’d like a show of hands.
You sound like you have no idea what you’re talking about which makes this conversation pointless. You’re obviously not equipped to argue this point. The statements above sound like a child’s. Sorry, but its true.
And if this job is sooooooooo easy…why don’t you start helping now? Why don’t you compensate your mother for the easy peasy upbringing you had? After all, according to you delivering and raising a child are simple and we women are just making a big deal out of nothing.
Report back here when you get a chamaat from your mama.
Absolutely.
If both parties understand how hard the other works…its great.
The trouble starts when people assume a woman who is home with her kids is doing nothing.
This thread disgusts me. I dont think its nice to bring someone's worth into question. Its just as unethical as criticising someone else's faith. You hurt them and you give them a chance to hurt you too. Why cant we simply put up with our responsibilities the way we are supposed to, and be content with it and thankful for what the other one is doing for us. It will be silly really, and very much selfish too, to wait for someone to "appreciate" you and then do it or stop doing it because the other person is failing to do so. Such a business-like mentality this sounds and looks like.
i will not argue on when a small kid is at home in this post, although the amount of time spent can be argued. That is a different post though
but when kids are school age this entire premise is wrong
if we have 3 buckets
1-Job
2-Home
3-You
Ladies or for that matter men who work, its not that they shortchange 1 or 2, they end up having less time for themselves.
ladies who are not working dont have to worry about #1. there are simply no ifs and or buts about it.
How many husbands are providing for a maid/nanny/lawn/school pickup and dropoff service on this forum right now? I'd like a show of hands.
the question is better addressed is how many are helping by either hiring help or lending a hand.
if ladies have husbands that dont lend a hand to make the workload equitable, or provide for help if they can afford it, then those ladies need to grow a backbone, stop being doormats and do something about it.
majority of the guys I know help around the house and its quite significant.
The trouble starts when people assume a woman who is home with her kids is doing nothing.
..or that guys who work come home and just demand stuff or do nothing.
True. Being stay home mom/part time teacher I can say that my husband helps me around the house and respects my time a lot...and what I do for the family. So even after a hard day's work, he lends his hand at home. I, on the other hand don't or cannot help him at his work. So what's there to complain about? Why do women make such a hoo haa?
I would also like to add that having a job does not always mean enrichment. Quite the opposite. Certain jobs provide a sense of fulfillment, no doubt about that, but just because you've taken some time off from work does not mean that your personal growth has to stop. If you have some time during the day, you can read non-fiction books (history, politics), writing, doing puzzles, etc.
