So yahoo put this article on their website and estimated that a homemaker is worth about $96K, because of the services he/she provides (Private Chef, House Cleaner .. etc)
What I fail to understand is that when we all get into analyzing the households from business perspective, and make a homemaker look like the one who is getting unfair end of the deal, why we dont calculate into the wager that they live in a house for free (we should reduce the rent from their estimated pay) and eat for free (grocery for free), bath/blow dry/ for free (do not pay utility bills), drive the car for their needs too (no car payments), dont pay for their medical bills (assuming that they are covered under the insurance of the breadwinner) and all the other good stuff.
When will we stop the drama that homemaker (AKA Aurat) bohut mazloom hoti hai. I think that its a fair deal if nothing else, if hubby works and wife takes care of the domestic chores and not getting paid for that.
I think we shouldn't take for granted what the woman provides. In Islam a man is supposed to provide for the woman the way she is used to. If she chooses to accept the life her husband is providing for her then great.
Hazrat Fatima (radhi Allahu tala unha) was so tired of doing the household chores she actually went to her dad and asked for a maid. Rasool Allah (Sallahu alaihi wassalam) was hesitant about marrying his first wife Hazrat Khadija (radhi Allahu tala unha) because of her stature.
I have seen a lot of women give up a lot when they become home makers. and sadly our culture is so hell bent on telling the woman that just be grateful you are married. I have heard that from so many men, mothers in law, and women themselves, I was shocked.
True TLK all of those things are provided for free but if your wife has slaved over the stove to make sure you have a good meal when you come home, your kids are well taken care of and your home is in decent shape the least men can do is say thank you sweetheart.
Honestly days when my hubby says that to me just makes it all worth while. Days/Weeks when I don't get acknowledged for all that I gave up to do this for my husband and child, it just feels like you are no better than a maid.
but if your wife has slaved over the stove to make sure you have a good meal when you come home, your kids are well taken care of and your home is in decent shape
.
Now that is priceless for sure,
... but when hubby goes out and fight traffic and weather conditions and stress of work and rude boss, he does that for his family too. So both slave equally if you may.
yes they do, and before I became a full time home make I was under the impression so whats the big deal. The big difference is that when I work I actually get done at 5 PM, get on the subway, get a small nap and get home.
As for a mother her work is never done, she just doesn't get a break. It is the same monotonous work day in day out. And ppl who are working at least get a change of venue, environment, homemakers don't. There is no time away from the kids.
No TLK I am just frustrated and I would like a break :( .... I would like to interact with someone other than my kid. I would like to feel like I had an IQ once upon a time. I would like to not get tired of him, I would like some time away from the kid, the home so I can be loving and responsible towards them.
just to touch on the appreciation aspect. husband gets appreciation from work if he's doing a good job, then women like to compliment/praise so i'm sure he gets it from that department too. mother's are taken for granted by their kids (it's only when we get older that we realise how much they have done for us), so the least the husband can do is appreciate coz no one else is going to.
No TLK I am just frustrated and I would like a break :( .... I would like to interact with someone other than my kid. I would like to feel like I had an IQ once upon a time. I would like to not get tired of him, I would like some time away from the kid, the home so I can be loving and responsible towards them.
No one ever said that homemaker is not an intelligent person. You dont need to display your IQ to prove your intelligence. In terms of getting a break from Kid's responsibility, that is for sure you must work wit hyour hubby. He should help you to get away from your daily chores, after 5 pm and during weekends
just to touch on the appreciation aspect. husband gets appreciation from work if he's doing a good job, .
So getting appreciation from work should eliminate the need of getting appreciation from wife?
why did you miss out what came after the comma in my quote?
also, automne said she'd like to feel like she has an IQ, not display it. there is a difference. everyone wants to work out their mental muscles and keep them in good condition, it's hard when you're mental capacity is instead taken up caring for other people.
TLK honestly how much appreciation do homemakers really get. They accomplish tasks like laundry, vacuuming, ironing clothes, washing, cleaning toilets, tubs, Doing the dishes 2-3 times a day, dusting, making the bed.
All the above work/challenges don't have a dollar figure associated so no appreciation. But what the guy does at work has a dollar figure associated so he should get double the appreciation.
AT work you get a bonus if the team and you have performed well. What do women get when they have saved you a good amount of money? For every kid that is born there is a present and that is that. How about all the accomplishments that home makers achieve during the year, are they recognized at all.
I don't know a lot of men who help out their women in all these chores. In the Middle East/Gulf/Pakistan/India at least there is some outsourcing that can take place interms of laundry or ironing or cleaning bathroom and kitchen (maids are affordable and available). Not to mention food options are a bit more.
In N. America, Europe home makers do everything from scratch. and the comment that a lot of them get is 'Yeh tumhara kaam hai'
I would love to talk to my husband about getting some time off after 5 PM but he works late, has a job that is extremely demanding so here is another thing we homemakers do , we understand what the bread winners go through and we support you. We don't nag you we learn to be patient.
Most desis I have come across start appreciating their wives after age 50 when the kids are all ready to leave the nest.
i don't think being a home maker should have a price tag on it. But it should be appreciated, applauded, recognized, however; people shouldn't have a sacrificial syndrome about it either. It's obvious it requires effort unless the Aunty just sits home watching star plus all day while kids drink soda and cheer dora on.
I just don't see why it's compared to a profession, though. Not everyone has to have a 9-5 job to be considered productive or responsible or smart. not every contribution has to be monetary. We make choices and we should be happy about them. Staying at home and taking full responsibility is a hugeeee task. i hate this world. for turning everyone into a clone.
oh and dad's should be involved with the home no matter how much they work. i don't care. if you work 24 hours a day, make a 25th one for kids and family. stupid desi dads.
autumn, the stuff you mention...a single person would be doing it all too living alone in a stingy little apartment bring bored outta their minds :(
Philosophy, the sacrifical element comes in when there is no appreciation. Yes it is a choice made by a lot of us based on our circumstances, priorities but that does not mean that all of our doings are taken for granted.
All of the household chores are done by a single person too but they have the option of leaving them for a week, 2 weeks, ordering in, getting take out. A homemaker doesn't have that option (at least in my view)
Well I think once your kids are older. you would have more time
although I'm a strong believer in that mothers should be able to take a break for a few days or a week or two and go on a vacation.. I mean my family did okay with my mom going to bali for 2weeks. She called us everyday though lol. it was a well deserved break after having to be practically a single parent for 4years because we lived in another country.
I see both sides of this coin...Since I got married, I've been:
-a full time college student
-a working gal (9-5)
-a stay at home mom (went from 1 kid to 3 in 2 years)
and now, a "back-in-the-work-force-after-taking-a-hiatus-to-stay-home-with-my-babies" mom
I am in complete agreement with automne, the life of a stay at home mom can be very thankless! I can't tell you how many times I felt like a complete paindu failure because all I had done all day was fold clothes, wash nekkid bums, and breastfeed (lol!) with zero adult interaction day in and day out (other than asking hubby to not to forget to bring home diapers!)...I used to shower and change and get dressed nice to go to Walmart at 11:00 pm, because that was the only time I had to myself!! But like TLK says, "you don't need to display your IQ to show your intelligence"he's got a point there....
This is conundrum is like walking a tightrope....I don't know that there is a "right or wrong" viewpoint because both sides of the debate are true in their own way.
I will say that once, when my hubby and I were debating an article similiar to this one that TLK posted, he looked at our kids and said "yea, but you get to stay home with them all day, you never miss out on any of the things they do and say...I barely see them because I leave at 8 am, get home at 6pm, and bam, two hours later it's their bedtime...i miss them"
^diwana, try talking on the phone or skype with an active kid around. The amount of screaming they do lol. Nap times means I get to go take a shower or go to the washroom...
What my husband does makes it possible for me to stay at home, and most home makers realize that and are thankful for that.
But it is exactly what khattichic said it is a thankless job and we don't see any tangible benefits either. And when hubby comes home, mommy is a forgotten individual.