I am stuck, I don’t want to ask so little that people will start talking badly about my fiance, and at the same time I don’t want it to be so much that my inlaws judge me! How much is normal?
Re: how much haq mehr?
I think that you should speak to your husband to be about it. it is essentially between you and him.
It would be prudent to speak to your mom or dad who will intercede and handle things in a proper manner and speak properly. If it is arranged thats how to go about it.
I think from your rehn sehn, the lifestyle your family has, the inlaws should understand certain things by themselves and give accordingly.
Do yourself a favor and sort this out beforehand. Keep in mind it is not necessary that haq mehr is handed over to you immediately. Sometimes people dont do that and then thats another awkward situation altogether.
What is your purpose of asking for haq mehr anyway? It is generally an issue dealt with amongst parents, I have never heard of a bride saying I want this or that. not anywhere in real life.
Re: how much haq mehr?
the issue may be dealt normally between parents, but Islamically its a consensus between husband and wife an agreement...
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 4:
And give the women (on marriage) their dower (mehr) as a free gift; but if they of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.
My parents have clearly said to my fiance that the issue is one that should be dealt with between the both of us, not parents...and his parents want it done now before any hiccups before the wedding...Which leaves me with the deciding task...can girls give me an idea what they asked as mehr?
So lost :(
Re: how much haq mehr?
a few days before our wedding my fiance called me totally stressed out about this and wanted to know what our expectations were. he actually sounded worried which still makes me laugh. in any case, we laughed it off because as far as my family and i were concerned this is a token amount that appears on nikah-nama. at the nikah, his imam said something like haq mehr in an amount to be determined/settled upon which i liked alot because then no one could talk about it or use it to make judgments about either one of our families.
i didn't collect the haq mehr as we usually don't in my family regardless of the amount. furthermore, if god forbid a marriage were to dissolve, the amount on nikah-nama is not what determines settlements at least in the US...
Re: how much haq mehr?
Why are people going to talk bad about your fiance? It's none of their concern. You could be asking for a small amount because you feel really secure about your future with him or you could be asking for a large amount as back up for your own security. The amount you ask for isn't anyone else's business, especially because the haq mehr isn't about showing off how much wealth the guy has.
I think most people in the US ask for at least $5000. I'm not in that position yet, but just me personally, I would ask for a smaller haq mehr if it was a love marriage and I knew the guy for a long time, was friends with him. And ask for a larger haq mehr if the marriage is arranged. But that's just me. What the minimum amount for me would be... I have no clue.
Re: how much haq mehr?
I was under the impression that the mahr' doesn't have to be money. For example, I know a couple who married few years ago and she received al Qur'an as mahr. It was very beautiful mashallah
Re: how much haq mehr?
mehr has to be something financial from what i am aware of
Re: how much haq mehr?
I'm sure it has to be financial too, unless the groom has absolutely no finances, and I mean ABSOLUTELY NONE. I'm sure there is a hadith on this - I'll try looking for it, unless someone can find it before me. :)
Re: how much haq mehr?
Do we have to do this? I don't even want a mehr... I just asked I guess for my wedding band to be considered a mehr.
When my friend's sister got married 3 years ago her dad and husband had a fight over the mehr right then and there. It was not a good sight.
Re: how much haq mehr?
Yes it has to be something financial, but if the husband does not have any finances he can give something else, like some sahabas and sahabiyat were married over the mehr of some Quranic surahs, however it was not the Mushaf (physical copy of the Quran) rather it was the memorization (surahs or part of the Quran which the sahabas had memorized) which they granted in mehr, as in the sawab of the recitation would be granted to the wife I assume.
And it does not have to be a separate amount, as terebina said the gold which is being given on the wedding by the boy can be considered as mehr. And the weight of gold is recorded in the nikah nama as the mehr. (e.g if the groom has given 3 tolas of gold jewelry the mehr will be recorded as 3 tolas gold)
Re: how much haq mehr?
At some of the nikah ceremonies where I've been present (marriages of friends/cousins) the amount is usually a few hundred pounds (£100-£1000) given as a token gesture. It's best to speak to your partner about it and get is input too. I went to a wedding recently and instead of the amount being announced during the nikah the Imam said something along the lines of ...'an amount agreed between both parties'. Perhaps you could arrange for something like that so that only your nearest and dearest know of the exact amount?
I'm actually going through something similar to you at the moment. I will probably ask for a few hundred pounds as seems to be the norm where I live. Where do you live and what do most people in your family do?
Re: how much haq mehr?
The mehr doesnt have to be handed over at the wedding/nikkah. Mine is differed, and I agreed to it, and it is clearly written on my nikkah nama that my haq mehr has been differed, and the amount that is differed has been written there. I can either ask for it when I want it, or Khuda na khasta, if we ever got divorced, it would be given to me at that time.
If you want it right at the nikkah, then talk to your fiance about what he can afford comfortably right now, you dont want to start your married life financially tight.
Re: how much haq mehr?
Neither his family nor my family had any input or wanted to get involved on the details of the Mehr, so we just agreed upon it beteween outselves. You don't have to announce to everyone the amount of the Haq Mehr, and to my knowledge, it does not even have to be written upon the Nikkah nama. I had my nikkah 4 months ago, and during the nikkah it was just stated "the Haq Mehr that has been agreed upon". In my case, my Diamond engagement ring (which was given to me during our engagement 1 year prior) and my wedding band (given to me on the nikkah day) was what my hubby and I agreed upon.
Clean and simple. No need to make it an issue of pride with large financial sums and showing it off. I was at a nikkah where they proudly declared the Mehr of $15,000...kind of overkill.
Re: how much haq mehr?
My cousins wife asked for about 10 000 rupees, but she also asked for hajj... so i guess that could be an option. in our family, we usually dont collect the haq mehr, and at the time of the nikkah, the older's just spit out a number that sounds nice lool.
Re: how much haq mehr?
My haq mehr was 1000rs... or $20 at that time lol
Re: how much haq mehr?
can it be jewellery as well? maybe instead of cash a girl should ask for jewellery or other property that would not depreciate over time e.g cash, if I am given £1,000 haq mahar today it might not hold the same value maybe after 10 years or so. Any advice will be really appreciated.
how much haq mehr?
Yes, property or gold is accepatable as haq mehr. A portion of my haq mehr is gold.
Re: how much haq mehr?
Does anyone here understand what the purpose of the haq mehr is?
Re: how much haq mehr?
In all simplicity it is a gift from a husband to his wife
Re: how much haq mehr?
I was under the impression that it had be a financial gift as the mehr is supposed to act as a means of insurance for the woman? I may be wrong...