when considering a marriage proposal?
What would you do if you got a proposal from a guy who is perfect in every way but you are just not physically attracted to him? He is O.K looking but you just don’t find him attractive?
can this attraction develop maybe later on?
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
Hmm.... what wise people say is that looks fade, but dumb is forever. What matters more is the brains they have and the kind of person they are. People get used to seeing their spouse so much that in time, they kinda forget wether they are beautiful or not.
But, on the other hand, there is a catch that your spouse should be somewhat attractive to you so that you can avoid thinking about someone else in the future. So I guess its a tough question. Once again istakhara could be the answer.
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
There should be at least a little bit of attraction between you otherwise you might start getting distracted by others!
As long as there is some attraction for you, it doesn't mean he has to be devastatingly good looking to the rest of the world. Its true, looks fade, but the personality lasts. As long as he is good to you and you to him.
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
^^ i agree, there has to be at least tiny amount of attraction there. After all he will be your life partner in every way.
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
Looks matter - but to me - looks sometimes DON'T matter -lol
What I mean is - even if you get a proposal from a VERY handsome guy - it does not mean that YOU will be attracted to him - there could be no chemistry anyways.
It has happened. You might not have any chemistry even with good looking people.
So if you don't feel the chemistry - just don't try to find a reason for it - such as his/her looks.
Just let it go. Chemistry is more important than looks.
So ugly or unattractive people should stay celibate all their lives or they should go and live in a jungle ?
My observation is that I have seen the best looking girls/boys married and deeply in love with their not so pretty/handsome looking spouses. Be it love or arranged marriage , looks do not matter what matter is the love , harmony , chemistry, accommodating/compromising nature, understanding , sacrifices to keep each other happy.
You do not marry a pretty/handsome face or body , you marry a complete human being , a complete personality.
In desi culture it is always said that "it is a marriage of two families not a marriage of just two human beings."
Yes, looks do matter somewhat; here are a couple of important points tho:
a) By 'looks', I mean that you personally find them at least somewhat attractive. This doesn't mean the rest of the world has to think they're smoking hot. It's about your feeling, not outside perception. My idea of good-looking might be totally different from someone else's. For example, if I passed Brad Pitt on the street I wouldn't look twice at him---that look just doesn't appeal to me. And I know the kind of guy I'm attracted to wouldn't be attractive to my sister, for example.
b) I think some level of attraction is important because this adds an element of passion to the marriage that I think makes it even more rewarding/beautiful/etc. However, I do think you can grow to be attracted to someone who wasn't 100% your type to begin with---as long as you don't find them UNattractive! In my experience if you're actually turned off by someone's looks altogether it's very difficult to fix that, whereas if you're just indifferent in the beginning but they have other amazing qualities, that attraction will develop...
when considering a marriage proposal?
What would you do if you got a proposal from a guy who is perfect in every way but you are just not physically attracted to him? He is O.K looking but you just don't find him attractive?
can this attraction develop maybe later on?
I can only tell you a woman's perspective coz i am still confused about a man's perspective ..
For a woman , if the husband is able to provide her love and security , she will love back with all her might irrespective of the looks !! ... and yes love will develop as long as your two click personality wise ...
Infact I always tell my friends that go for the right package in which the mentality and intellect should top the list and the looks should be the last on the list ...
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
Ms T
I think u need to have some level of attraction to the guy to have a happy marriage.
I mean the guy is is looking for the same in u, possibly a major reason of actually proposing to u, so dont u also have the right..
However, Maybe there are things attractive in him, that you do not yet know of (maybe due to low interaction at this level), or there the some things one finds out after marriage.
But obviously thats no gurantee that such qualities will manifest after marriage so better to be sure now or get to know him more before saying yes.
I tell u from a personal view of being a guy. However illogical/irrational, Beauty is the major thing and first criteria in the checklist, for us in a partner.
Rarely guys considers proposing to a girl they dont find 'hot'/khoobsurat
While girls just seem to be forced to suppress thier same desires and rights, having to 'comprimise', with whats offered, which i think is unfair.
Its a hard query actually to properly address without u giving more details of the guy.
What is it that is his problem. Is he short, fat, geeky, ugly, bold, or simply one of the too plainish and averagish guy types to create any appeal.
and as above posters have mentioned, rnt u girls more attracted from things more than just looks.
i.e: confidence, status, inteligence, attitude, style, social power, etc.
dont u see any such of these in him??
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
depends how old you are and what your level of maturity is.
what about those people that find someone very attractive, get married and then find that same person utterly repulsive due to a personality trait that they were not aware of to begin with?
and conversely, those people that compromise, marry someone because all the other pieces of the puzzle fit and then eventually they gain so much respect for this person that they fall in love.....
there are different stages in life that cause us to prioritize different things.....and we end up acting accordingly.
there is no right or wrong.....
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
Respect & Love, Enough for me. Is it black or white.... who cares !
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
I've had rishtas that I didnt think were my type, but I still considered them. What made the difference to me was that I had spoken to them quite a bit and I liked their personality at the time. So yes, I will consider someone I am not that attracted to physically if they have other qualities I like.
Well to me this question is directly proportional to another question , a very basic one and it is ‘ where do ya stand , when it comes to looks ‘ .
As most of us , men , believe that ‘ While you stand beside your spouse and your car , they should look yours , not yr neighbours'.. ya know !
depends how old you are and what your level of maturity is.
what about those people that find someone very attractive, get married and then find that same person utterly repulsive due to a personality trait that they were not aware of to begin with?
and conversely, those people that compromise, marry someone because all the other pieces of the puzzle fit and then eventually they gain so much respect for this person that they fall in love.....
there are different stages in life that cause us to prioritize different things.....and we end up acting accordingly.
there is no right or wrong.....
well said.
Very wisely said.
Re: How much do 'looks' matter?
Looks don't matter all that much, what matters most is personal character, respect, love, and sincereity.
Personality is ofcourse important.
But the thing girls often dont understand, is that basically guys just go for looks. The love and attention is actually more for a beautiful looking girl we
so desperatly want as opposed to for her 'personality'.
For example if someone like Jonnhy Lever (as many of us men are) gets someone like Ashwariya Rai, ofcourse hes goona treat her like God!
Additionally, if tradition was of 'the lerki wale sending the rista' and us boys in recieving side, seriously speaking no matter how 'great character, mannered, decent, top personality wise a girl portrays and is known to be, if shes not good-looking she gets a straight and rapid no no from us.
This is accuarate` for 99% of cases.
So why are you girls not allowed the same level of choice? Yeh ofcourse the V.Handsome guy may have other bad traits that diminishes his attraction, but on the other hand so may the other 'normal-looking' guy.
and whos saying to go for the extreme of one quality, what were talking about here is striking the balance in personality and looks.
Why is thier such a stereo-type on good looking guys. Or is it a fact that 'non-gd looking' guys are personality wise perfect?
Are you assuming that all the unhappy married lives/couples in the world consist only of the 'good-looking husband.', and all the girls married to the 'normal-looking guys' are happy?
so how many cases we hear daily of guys mistreating spouses. Each of these guys r superstars?
There is just a stereotype on good-looking guys because there are few of them.
Also common for u gals checking out guys and laughing/joking at those less endowed ones, so basically being so observant, what happnes when it comes to ur own ones?
