So I think I have said it twice already (to a rishtaa in Pakistan) and now - I have been asked is it really a no??
I have given no and I have not given them any implication of it being otherwise.
Again my age is being put on the table, They are trying cut me down till I breakdown and say yes - I feel so sick and tired of this.
And I know DON’T GOT TO PAKISTAN - but theres no way to cancel this trip. Now other relatives are coming too - for another wedding. I feel like I am going to get married and end up in a failed marriage thanks to their stubborn nature.
If you really feel this strongly against marriage and you feel as if your family are going to force you into a marriage whilst out in Pakistan, I suggest you do a little bit more than ask/vent (to) people on an online forum. No one here can actually do anything other than read what you write and say ' oh dear, there, there'.
There must be support groups or charity groups or agencies who help someone in your situation. Contact Channel 4 or BBC 2, they have filmed enough documentories about forced marriages in the UK.
this question of whether it is a NO or not will usually continues from a period of 6 months to about 18 months or when the guy finds someone else..whichever is earlier......
even if your parents agree and digest your NO...people in the khandaan will keep doing it untill the guy's side find another rishta or you guys find another rishta..
Maybe you just need variety. Try saying no in different languages.....draw them a picture....act it out.
More seriously, you're going to end up in a failed marriage not so much because of their persistent blackmailing........but more because of your LACK of persistence in refusing this rishta.
Remember, this rishta/marriage isn't valid if it doesn't have your consent. Once you give in and say "yes".....you're to blame.
Age is not a reason for you to settle down with someone whom u don't find compatible. You'll get married when it's meant to be.....and it could even be to someone amazing some point down the road. Again, stay strong.
I did contact a few organisations, as for ch 2 or 4 - unless they come to film me, I am not sure how they could help. I know sometimes the words in the forum just help me stay strong Milly.
Nomi - you are right. They are like we have say no, but they never ring and do so - they are like when this rishtaa is gone what shall we do... its not the end of the world is it? there are lots people out there who don't have rishtaa's at the moment, are they sitting in dark rooms, rocking back and forth?
**vo shaayad aapke “NO” ko samajh rahe ahiN k aap takalluf se kaam le rahii haiN…jaise, mehmaan ko kahiyew k “please aur lijiye na” to vo takallufan kahegaa k " bas ji, aur nahiiN, peT bhar gayaa"…phir aap kaheNge “are nahiiN abhii aap ne khaayaa hii kia hai, plz zaraa saa aur lijiye na” ab vo takallufan kahegaa k “achchhaa aap zid karte haiN to zaraa saa aur de deN bas…thank you”…is taraH mehmaan ke NO ko aap ne YES karvaa liyaa…
…isii taraH vo samajhte haiN k aap takalluf se kaam le kar rishte ke liye NO kah rahii haiN…phir unke mazeed israar pe aap “haN” kah deNgii…lol…aisaa hii kuchh hotaa hai hamaare “takallufaanah samaaj” meN **
Daant Kaar? hmm maybe! but I have had so much drama. Do I need add more! I am very tired. Need go lie down... its not even 8pm.
aaaaaaaaawwwwwww...i can understand. its true that in our culture we do NOT liek to take NO for an answer especially if its gonna benefit us in any way...yeah, plz take some rest and then say NO to them once for all :)
So I think I have said it twice already (to a rishtaa in Pakistan) and now - I have been asked is it really a no??
I have given no and I have not given them any implication of it being otherwise.
Again my age is being put on the table, They are trying cut me down till I breakdown and say yes - I feel so sick and tired of this.
And I know DON'T GOT TO PAKISTAN - but theres no way to cancel this trip. Now other relatives are coming too - for another wedding. I feel like I am going to get married and end up in a failed marriage thanks to their stubborn nature.
Go to pakistan, take some hair removal cream with you. The first night there put it on everybodies eyebrows, moustache, hair etc.
They won't like you very much after that.
He's **much **younger, hasn't done any further education, they don't have much in common, her parents haven't allowed her to speak to him/get to know him (I think I read that somewhere) etc. she just doesn't want to..
More seriously, you're going to end up in a failed marriage not so much because of their persistent blackmailing........but more because of your LACK of persistence in refusing this rishta.
Agree.. PO, sometimes u seem very assertive and determined but other times as tho u might go along with it even tho u don't want to.. You need to really dig your heels in if this is really what you don't want, ignore all the emotional blackmail, just block it out completely.. Try and spend as much time outside the house as possible or doing things to keep yourself busy (even if you're not working it doesn't matter, just anything to keep your mind off this stuff so you're not sitting there and your family will have less chance to 'corner' you and try and wear you down)..
Btw u said the other day your dad suddenly said you weren't allowed to wear english clothes anymore and u said you were going to do that regardless and go out in your 'normal' clothes the next day, what happened about that in the end?
So I think I have said it twice already (to a rishtaa in Pakistan) and now - I have been asked is it really a no??
I have given no and I have not given them any implication of it being otherwise.
Again my age is being put on the table, They are trying cut me down till I breakdown and say yes - I feel so sick and tired of this.
And I know DON'T GOT TO PAKISTAN - but theres no way to cancel this trip. Now other relatives are coming too - for another wedding. I feel like I am going to get married and end up in a failed marriage thanks to their stubborn nature.
Don't give-in to it or be pressurized into it when you aren't comfortable that's the worst thing you can do! If it's a no, it's a NO.. if you don't see yourself happy with the person. Good luck!
Rizla - sorry it got old 2 threads ago! Its just hard - I don't have any immediate family to turn to, just friends and you lot! Milly your cheeky.
I did wear the clothes - Deeba - just got alot of looks.
I can hear there talks - I know I shouldn't listen and its the worst thing, but when they talking about me. Calling me Chalaak and out of hand, etc. Its hard. They are saying they are going to throw me out. All over a cousin...
**