How Long Would it Take....

[Muzna]

Re: How Long Would it Take....

Adopting a child isnt a piece of cake.. I believe it requires more physical, emotional, and mental power to raise a child thats not on your own.. I love my sisters kids to death but most of the time I am too afraid to say anything to discipline them just because I dont want anyone to think that since they are not mine, I can or shouldnt get away with it.

Absolutely correct! It does take a great deal of perseverance, courage and strength of character to be able to raise an adopted child.....but I think that once you have them in your care you don't see them as "someone else's". They are your very own.

Personally, I dont think it's an extreme to go for IVF or whatever it takes to have a biological child.. it's a woman right and desire to become a mom and if she wants to seek medical help as much as possible..kudos to her.. in face I believe only a brave woman can give injections to herself and go through the emotional roller coaster of conceiving while some of us may not understand because we conceived within a year of ttc and often without any medical help!!

I don't believe that anyone said it's an extreme. Quite the contrary in fact. It is every person's right to explore every possible avenue to have a biological child. My question was, how long would you continue to explore and try before you decided that it was enough and your desire to have a child in your life was greater than your desire to produce one yourself.

also, just because you and I may think how can I not love another child, our significant other may have a different thought process.. I know, my husband will probably not be comfortable with an idea of adoption if, god forbid, we couldnt have kids. Nothing wrong with it..it's not everyone's cup of tea and I/we shall respect that.

been there, done that and totally agree.
hubby and I have had this conversation numerous times and there are a number of things that we agree to disagree upon.
and then there are other members of our family who are continuing to try the fertility treatments/methods because they simply do not feel that adoption is an option for them.....

Everything is not so black and white when it comes to having kids and/or adopting kids. I hope I didnt offend anyone but just my two cents!

certainly everything is not black and white.....especially in such matters.
thanks for the sensitive post....you did a great job of summing things up!

[Mehnaz]

Re: How Long Would it Take....

Everybody has their limits and it varies from person to person.

A family friend of ours tried for 15 years and could not conceive. She eventually adopted an orphan child from Pakistan (not from her khandaan or village) and was able to love the baby as her own. I have no idea how she brought the child back to North America.

It's not an easy step and takes a lot of courage to be able to sincerely love a child that is not your own. Not everybody can do this, and that is ok. It's like a single person marrying a widow with children - very hard for the vast majority to accept.

[Gemini_the_Great]

Re: How Long Would it Take....

Absolutely correct! It does take a great deal of perseverance, courage and strength of character to be able to raise an adopted child.....but I think that once you have them in your care you don't see them as "someone else's". They are your very own.

I wasnt talking about the person who adopts a kid.. I meant people of our societyw ho judge you.. whoever thinks it's pathetic of me to think of adopted kids as not their "own" needs to re read my initial post.. I was talking about my sister's kids and I am not very strict in discilplining them because I dont want "people" to think evil of me! sadly but truly our culture has "people who talk nonetheless."

[quote]
I don't believe that anyone said it's an extreme. Quite the contrary in fact. It is every person's right to explore every possible avenue to have a biological child. My question was, how long would you continue to explore and try before you decided that it was enough and your desire to have a child in your life was greater than your desire to produce one yourself.
[/quote]

you did say in your first post that there are people at "both extremes" and the people who go through "IVF and whatever"

What I am trying to say here is adopting a child isn't a choice being made by one person, be it the man or woman who has had enough of medical treatment, it's in fact teh choice made by the couple nad in some cases by the families.. probably a woman wants to adopt but she is afraid how the family will treat the adopted child hence she is reluctant or feels that her husband'spriority would be to have their own biological baby hence trying everything possible under her control? In other words, who are we to determine a timeline for people to try to conceive, to get medical treatment or adopt as a last resort!

Both of us have our own biological child so both of us are in no position to be in their shoes neither should we be reflecting on the choices they make or not make!

Adopting a child is a huge responsibility..MashaAllah to those who can take up this responsibility. May Allah Taala reward them for their good deeds but by no means it should be discussed as a resolution for someone's effort to conceive their own biological child!

ps: I really dont like going back and forth about the same topic but I thought I will clarify a few things regarding my post.. you could have very easily opened a thread as suggested by queer about "why people dont adopt" but trying to put yourself in a situation that you or I just cant even imagine, lets not do that! Peace out :-)

[Muzna]

Re: How Long Would it Take....

^ thanks for the clarification on your words gtg.......much appreciated.

I would have opened a thread about "why people don't adopt" if that was what I wanted to talk about. Many that have replied here did understand what I was trying to ask and replied.

On a side note.......what makes everyone so certain that I have not been in a particular situation? Isn't it a bit presumptuous to throw around comments like "trying to put yourself in a situation that you or I just cant even imagine, lets not do that!" when you really don't know what I can imagine or what I can't?

[Gemini_the_Great]

Re: How Long Would it Take....

^I apologize if I came across presumptious to you! I was referring to the fact that you do have a biological child of your own so how can you imagine not having a biological child of your own to choose the option of adoption?

I have had no intention to get personal here.. I am sorry if I offended you but I had no such intention.

[Muzna]

Re: How Long Would it Take....

thanks for the apology gtg.......I am not at all offended by your words but appreciate your apology in the thread.

I don't normally take things personally but thought it was about time that all those who have been so loud in their actions should take two minutes perhaps to think that perhaps they don't quite "know it all". That's why I put the comment as a side note.....not directed to you but driven by your comment.

I do believe that its very hard to understand another person's circumstances as we are all individuals....that's why I liked Mehnaz's post....but I also believe that if we continue to ask questions and share our thought-processes we might be able to find some understanding and solace in the ideas that we share; some comments might spark familiarity and some might breed empathy.

In my experience I have learned that any challenge in life is easier to face when I take on the approach that by sharing my thoughts and feelings I will be able to find someone that understands rather than taking the defensive stance that you will never understand how I feel because you have not walked the path that I have.

Again.....to each his/her own applies.