How long did it take?

[ZareenKhan]

Re: How long did it take?

@Sorrow

You are a sensible woman, Miss (or is it Mrs. ;)) Khan.

Miss for now ;). Thanks!

@Ashy2010

The desi arranged rishta process is very tiring. Its the way the process is undertaken in arranged setting which make us exhausted. I wish guys and their families consider and understand the torture which the girls go through and make the process easy for everyone.

I agree.

@FusionMiddleware

how ?

But not just coming over to others house for free food and snacks

@ShahreyarKhan

i bet to disagree

if you take it on yourself to find someone to marry, its a whole new set of more complicated problems that you are inviting

I would agree It’s either getting the other family to accept you are OR getting your family to accept your choice hah. Don’t know what is easier ;).

[somebodycall911]

Re: How long did it take?

^ this happens alot, esp the ppl from the guys family, they would be very nice up untill they ask for the girl's photo, you send them and they dont like the photo. thats when they dont even bother to inform. its true and a reality, what can we do.

what do you want them to inform you of? that they think the girl is ugly and they cant proceed?!? Just not replying back is probably the best/polite way of saying no.

[Sorrow]

Re: How long did it take?

Few here saying guys back out. I was wondering how common it is for the girls side to quietly back out as well if they change their mind later?

[T1000]

Re: How long did it take?

@somebodycall911

what do you want them to inform you of? that they think the girl is ugly and they cant proceed?!? Just not replying back is probably the best/polite way of saying no.

A decent reply COULD BE:

oh, we talked with our son but he doesn't want to get married anytime soon because of his study/job/any other excuse. We don't want you guys to keep waiting for us. bla bla bla bla bla bla ..

[somebodycall911]

Re: How long did it take?

@T1000

A decent reply COULD BE:

oh, we talked with our son but he doesn't want to get married anytime soon because of his study/job/any other excuse. We don't want you guys to keep waiting for us. bla bla bla bla bla bla ..

wait..so they didnt know abt this before asking and seeing the pic? how can the guy suddenly realize abt his job/study after seeing a pic. Just sounds very unbelievable, might as well shut up and be quiet than spew that garbage.

[T1000]

Re: How long did it take?

@somebodycall911

wait..so they didnt know abt this before asking and seeing the pic? how can the guy suddenly realize abt his job/study after seeing a pic. Just sounds very unbelievable, might as well shut up and be quiet than spew that garbage.

thats the thing. Depends how guy's side is approaching. if they are approaching as if they are willing to get their son get married right away then ofcourse what i ever wrote doesn't make sense.

an ideal way would be a light discussion .. on and off .. and then some more conversation, asking for pic and then saying it this say. during all this conversation, a guy "shouldn't be" involved at all.

[Ashy2010]

Re: How long did it take?

@somebodycall911

wait..so they didnt know abt this before asking and seeing the pic? how can the guy suddenly realize abt his job/study after seeing a pic. Just sounds very unbelievable, might as well shut up and be quiet than spew that garbage.

Saying something is better than keeping quiet at all. Even that garbage would let the girl's side know that this family won't be proceeding. But the guys' side want to keep the girl in option and thats why they just keep quiet so that after all the window shopping, they can come back after 2-3 years IF they didn't find any better match. Since girls side know people can come back in arranged setting, the girls side keep on waiting unnecessarily and expect that they might come back since they were sooo positive about us.

I guess its the girls side mistake. They shouldn't take the guys' side seriously at all until the time of nikah. The guys side think they can end things anytime they realise they don't want to proceed further.

[somebodycall911]

Re: How long did it take?

@T1000

an ideal way would be a light discussion .. on and off .. and then some more conversation, asking for pic and then saying it this say. during all this conversation, a guy "shouldn't be" involved at all.

bhai/bhen shb ur making it sound like a space shuttle launch- noone has six months or so to first have these "on and off" light discussions, then see the pic, and then continue the conversation even if they dont like the pic.

If the guy/girl send their pic and not hear back within a week then move on. End of story. Why drag it on and waste time..

[ZareenKhan]

Re: How long did it take?

@somebodycall911

what do you want them to inform you of? that they think the girl is ugly and they cant proceed?!? Just not replying back is probably the best/polite way of saying no.

I would agree with you here. No need to give stupid excuses cuz nobody is stupid out there who would actually believe them.

[ZareenKhan]

Re: How long did it take?

@Ashy2010

Saying something is better than keeping quiet at all. Even that garbage would let the girl's side know that this family won't be proceeding. But the guys' side want to keep the girl in option and thats why they just keep quiet so that after all the window shopping, they can come back after 2-3 years IF they didn't find any better match. Since girls side know people can come back in arranged setting, the girls side keep on waiting unnecessarily and expect that they might come back since they were sooo positive about us.

I guess its the girls side mistake. They shouldn't take the guys' side seriously at all until the time of nikah. The guys side think they can end things anytime they realise they don't want to proceed further.

I agree. That's why people should be honest and direct, just say this was not meant to be so pls excuse us or whatever.

Give false hope to the other family is really wrong.

[T1000]

Re: How long did it take?

@somebodycall911

bhai/bhen shb ur making it sound like a space shuttle launch- noone has six months or so to first have these "on and off" light discussions, then see the pic, and then continue the conversation even if they dont like the pic.

If the guy/girl send their pic and not hear back within a week then move on. End of story. Why drag it on and waste time..

did i say drag it for 6 months? what i was trying to say that a discussion could be lead in this way .. rather being direct!

[STA]

Re: How long did it take?

6 months. shukar.

congratz. you didnt tell us.

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: How long did it take?

dude what planet are you from?

from the very basic level of logic: when you go for a job interview, do you expect a response afterwards or not?

@somebodycall911

what do you want them to inform you of? that they think the girl is ugly and they cant proceed?!? Just not replying back is probably the best/polite way of saying no.

[zobia]

Re: How long did it take?

@T1000

A decent reply COULD BE:

oh, we talked with our son but he doesn't want to get married anytime soon because of his study/job/any other excuse. We don't want you guys to keep waiting for us. bla bla bla bla bla bla ..

lol...then you should have talked to your son before wasting our money on chai-samosay :p

[zobia]

Re: How long did it take?

i bet to disagree

if you take it on yourself to find someone to marry, its a whole new set of more complicated problems that you are inviting

well after reading life 1, whether its arranged or love marriage you see problems in every case. if your parents spent more than half of their lives in Pakistan and your children are brought-up outside of Pakistan then it is hard for them to find someone for their children.

these days parents ask that if you meet someone nice let us know.

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: How long did it take?

i agree to your first argument

i agree to your second argurment - these days parents dont want to go through the hassle of finding good husbands and wives for their daughters and sons. so they say find it yourself and then let me know. same way parents dont want to go through the effort of teaching ways of life to their childern. and then they freak out o my daughter doesnt want to do hijab, or my son doesnt stop smoking, etc etc.

@zobia

well after reading life 1, whether its arranged or love marriage you see problems in every case. if your parents spent more than half of their lives in Pakistan and your children are brought-up outside of Pakistan then it is hard for them to find someone for their children.

these days parents ask that if you meet someone nice let us know.

[ZareenKhan]

Re: How long did it take?

@ShahreyarKhan

same way parents dont want to go through the effort of teaching ways of life to their childern. and then they freak out o my daughter doesnt want to do hijab, or my son doesnt stop smoking, etc etc.

Lols .

[Marmalade]

Re: How long did it take?

@ShahreyarKhan

i agree to your first argument

i agree to your second argurment - these days parents dont want to go through the hassle of finding good husbands and wives for their daughters and sons. so they say find it yourself and then let me know. same way parents dont want to go through the effort of teaching ways of life to their childern. and then they freak out o my daughter doesnt want to do hijab, or my son doesnt stop smoking, etc etc.

so essentially you’re saying parents who are open to their child’s choice of life partner are bad parents?

[somebodycall911]

Re: How long did it take?

@ShahreyarKhan

dude what planet are you from?

from the very basic level of logic: when you go for a job interview, do you expect a response afterwards or not?

ahh yeh its not an interview my friend..Rather than being butthurt over not getting a call back, i say move on.

[Naabigh]

Re: How long did it take?

It took my mom 10 years to get a Yes from me and then 15 days to find her daughter in law :)