So how long after having your baby did you try for a second?
What is the least amount of time you should allow in between trying for abother baby, i.e how long do you need to give your body to recover before you can have another child??
I’m confused…I always used to think that i will give one-two years before trying for another baby, but now I just think its best to get them out of the way quickly, because 1) im not getting any younger and I want to be fairly young for when my children get older and 2)im worried that if i delay having another baby, allah may not give me another child. ofcourse, thats not set in stone, as its all down to kismat…
so what are your thoughts?
for those who have had a few children, what is your advise from your experience??? would you leave a smaller or longer gap in between if you could do it again???
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
I would like to go back to work, so I don't want too much of a gap between babies. It wasn't until about 8-9 months that I felt ready to start trying. Until then I still felt overwhelmed and disorganized. We'll see when all other variables fall into place to make baby#2 happen.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Only when my daughter started sleeping through the night at 15 months is when i thought it would be ok to have another one. I am not getting any younger either but i dont want to be rushed into having a baby because of the age factor only. But friends tell me, once you have a child sleeping throough the night and out of diaper its hard to go back to that routine again. Like Sahar, i also want to eventually go back to work so i dont want to wait too long.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
I have a baby boy and he just turned 1. My friends are telling me to go for another baby to get it over and done with. They said to me that If I were to keep a bigger gap of 3/4 then you get out of routine and its harder.
The only thing that makes me want to go for it is because I want to start work once I'm done. Another advice someone gave me said that she was having her kids everytime the one before starts going to school and in a way that was handy as she had the house all to herself and the new baby but the problem she has is that she has to go pick up the kids from school then drop off at mosque and do shopping and getting all the other work done. So she said when she has to do stuff outside the house its hard for her to drag along her little one everywhere.
Another friend of mine she was pregnant the same time as me and her baby boy was born a few days before mine and when her little one turned 4 months she got pregnant again. Which in my opinion is too soon for another one. but according to her its a something to get it over and done with..
Now my personal opinion about this is .. I love being a young mom.. and having them at a gap of a year apart from each other makes it easier for you if you want to start work/business. Like this all of them start their nursery/school only a year apart and before you know they will all be at school and you will have some time for yourself pamper yourself or whatever...
I am thinking about another one but just giving it a month or two..
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
No wonder desi women starts to get old before their years, with this lets have a baby for sake of having a baby. I'm pretty sure this is exactly what my parents thought, oh we have a little toddler, now lets have another one while we're at it and there comes another one and another one and another one. Suddenly the house is packed 5/6 kids! And there goes the idea of mommy maintaining herself and enjoying life.
Come on ladies, you don't bring these expensive little lives in the world just because you fear you'd get out of routine (what?). I think you guys should give all the love and attention you can to your toddler and yourself, and bring in the next baby when the little one is ready to explore his little world by himself and be responsible around his little baby sister or brother. In short at least a three year gap!
I seriously think having another baby when you already have a baby at home, just kills the whole thrill of finding out you are pregnant and welcoming a new member.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
The greatest gift my parents gave me was my siblings. And I look forward to doing the same for my daughter. No one is popping babies out like crazy; just when the timing feels right for us.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
The greatest gift my parents gave me was my siblings. And I look forward to doing the same for my daughter. No one is popping babies out like crazy; just when the timing feels right for us.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Yeah thats exactly why I think one must have a baby when the existing child is completely out of his 'baby phase' i.e goes school nursery, so he or she is little more aware and responsible about his new sibling. I've seen young mums going crazy with their new born and older child going through extreme phases of terrible two's.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Giving your child a young sibling is fine, but seriously things like I fear I'll get out of routine sounds quite funny. How 'routined up' were you when you had your first child? Exactly!
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
^ Just wait until you have kids. They demand a lot of time and organization. Routine sounds bad, but it's just suggesting how you've adjusted our life to accommodate the baby's needs and interests as well as your own. Nothing wrong with having a bigger gap. I just prefer a smaller one.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Would you not prefer a brief break from all that hard work?
I might be just my observation but I believe the beautifull feeling of older brother/sister, little sister/brother is more strong and visible in siblings with bigger gap than with sibling with an year or two difference; they basically see themselves as twins.
Anyway, I guess its kind of cultural thing. Popping out babies itself is very much a 'routine' thing in Eastern cultures.
Good luck and all the best to all the mommies here.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Well for me that's not how it was. Most of my family members raised in Pak have the first baby very soon after getting married, then give a gap of 2-5 years before the second one. We waited five years to have our first.
Ask most working moms in the US. many who took time off when their kids were young. It made sense for them, so that they could move on with their careers after a few years. That's my plan.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Well for me that's not how it was. Most of my family members raised in Pak have the first baby very soon after getting married, then give a gap of 2-5 years before the second one. We waited five years to have our first.
Ask most working moms in the US. many who took time off when their kids were young. It made sense for them, so that they could move on with their careers after a few years. That's my plan.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Yeah thats exactly why I think one must have a baby when the existing child is completely out of his 'baby phase' i.e goes school nursery, so he or she is little more aware and responsible about his new sibling. I've seen young mums going crazy with their new born and older child going through extreme phases of terrible two's.
No I don't have kids.
Its not the way you think.. when you get to be a mom Inshallah then you might understand a bit more.. and btw.. i am against it when you plan for the next baby within a year.. thats just TOO quick.. I'd give it at least a year time.. for myself.. and my little one..
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
i want one by the time my younger one is 2. thats not happening :D
i dont want a huge gap.... i want them to grow up together rather than have one grow up and then raise another one .. i have yet to see good frienship between siblings with a huge age gap .. (5 yrs is huge for me).
soon.. inshalalh.. soon... my first one is 19 months... he has been sleeping through the night long enough for me to enjoy myself... and now i feel ready... lets see what happens. but some time next yr i want to be welcoming baby 2. inshallah.
jolie.. not all let themselves go... i have a friend who has 3 kids under 4 (3.5, 2 and 1) and she is so fit! cuz she worked out during pregnancy... took up post partum yoga once she was done delivering, and before she got pregnant again, she started intesive work out (at 3 months post partum)... looks wonderful
its upto the woman to keep herself fit... some have only a kid before going for baby 2 (gap of 5 yrs) and still look like they have popped 8 kids in one go.
im working out and trying to get back in shape before i get pregnant again... cuz i dont want to add to an already high number. its working.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Its not the way you think.. when you get to be a mom Inshallah then you might understand a bit more.. and btw.. i am against it when you plan for the next baby within a year.. thats just TOO quick.. I'd give it at least a year time.. for myself.. and my little one..
Trust me do give yourself time, if you can. When I used to work in a hospital as a so called 'assistant' receptionist, on daily basis I used to come across heavily pregnant women looking as if they're on a verge of having an emotional break down as they had such a hard time dealing with their one and hlaf and two year olds. They may have their reasons but by just looking at those women I could tell that neither they are ready for second child, nor their child needs a sibling, (in fact most really young kids find it hard to see a new baby taking their place) at such age the kid just needs is your full attention, he needs to be picked up, he needs you running after him and doing all sorts of things that requires energy.
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
I find it kind of funny to have a child, just for the reason of "get it out of the way.".....lol....i mean i understand all the viewpoints here so I'm not trying to criticize or anything...
Me personally, I always liked the idea of having children close in age together, i know it might be difficult but I DO think that it pays off later on when the children are growing up together and friends with each other.... ut i've also seen siblings who are 4, 5, even 10 years apart and still close, but in a different way....Im just not comfortable wiht the idea of "planning" with children now...it will be a blessing whenever it happens!
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
I find it kind of funny to have a child, just for the reason of "get it out of the way."... i understand all the viewpoints here so I'm not trying to criticize or anything...it just sounds funny..lol
Me personally, I always liked the idea of having children close in age together, i know it might be difficult but I DO think that it pays off later on when the children are growing up together and friends with each other....But i've also seen siblings who are 4, 5, even 10 years apart and still close, but in a different way....Im just not comfortable wiht the idea of "planning" with children now...it will be a blessing whenever it happens!
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
Trust me do give yourself time, if you can. When I used to work in a hospital as a so called 'assistant' receptionist, on daily basis I used to come across heavily pregnant women looking as if they're on a verge of having an emotional break down as they had such a hard time dealing with their one and hlaf and two year olds. They may have their reasons but by just looking at those women I could tell that neither they are ready for second child, nor their child needs a sibling, (in fact most really young kids find it hard to see a new baby taking their place) at such age the kid just needs is your full attention, he needs to be picked up, he needs you running after him and doing all sorts of things that requires energy.
I know what you mean. Alhamdulillah my family has been really supportive. My mum comes every now and then stays for a few months with us and while she has a nice time with her grand child I get myself recharged..
I'm my parents only child so maybe in that sense my parents are always available to me.. even though I try not to depend on them much.. but its their love for their grandchild that they are always prepared.. sometimes my mum does get angry.. and she doesn't want me to have another one yet.. she thinks its not fair towards my son.. so i think im still not ready thats why i am not pregnant yet.. but one thing for sure.. I want to get pregnant when my son is potty trained.. Im going to start that in a month or two..
Re: How long after giving birth did you try again for another baby???
A lot of you are using the "they will be close/have a better relationship" if they have a smaller age gap as a motivation, but honestly, I think agegap has some, but very little impact on what kinda relationship you end up having with your siblings. I know plenty of people who are born just few years and months apart from each other and who have seriously crappy relationship because of jealousy, insecurities and competition during early childhood. Whether your kids end up having a fantastic relationship has little to do with the agegap and lots more to do with their personality etc etc.
Personally, my parents have had big agegaps (+5) and smaller agegaps (+1,5) as well. In our situation I am not so close with my sibling who is +5 because of personality issues, whereas my younger sister is very close to her sibling (+5 apart). On the other hand I am close to the those who are 1,5 and 6 yrs apart. In short, it really bottles down to the childs personality. So have your kids when you are ready, motivated and full energy. No kid wants a mother drained out of every ounche of energy seriously.
:)
If I had to pick I guess I would like a 3 yrs age difference. Elder sibling will still be "the big one" and also able to have that "close relationship"