How is Life after Divorce?

Lifestyle Relationships
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Your son is almost 2 and time does pass by quickly… maybe your husband doesn’t think that much time has passed. He hasn’t given another baby any thought yet, he could later. Either that, or he’s trying to punish you this way :rolleyes:

I don’t think things will really stay the same once your SIL gets married… either they’ll change for the better or get worse… it’ll depend on your SIL’s marriage and if she’s happy. But I’d wait until much after your SIL gets married to see if your husband will change. If giving him attention, being a good wife, impressing him, etc. hasn’t been working… then stop caring about your husband and his treatment… don’t appear needy of his attention… give him some tough love.

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

cosmic dress well, do light make up n wear light jewellary at home etc, make nice foods, take care of him more, talk to him in light mood, like light jokes etc, even if he doesnt laugh at them, only a smile will do, appreciate him when he looks good, throw lil romantic words here n there, randomly buy things for him, like flowers and say u like them so much couldnt help getting them for him, come on yaar you can do it :k: attract him towards you. he is your HUSBAND and there is no gunnah doing all this to make him yours once again.

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

Life after divorce is like the silence on the western front :smokin2:

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If he's taking care of ur physical needs but says he won't take care of ur emotional needs that prob means he doesn't care about u.. of course he is fulfilling ur physical needs, a lot of guys will sleep with/be intimate with girls they couldn't care less about cos they themselves need to be satisfied sexually.. the fact that he said he won't have anymore kids with u is also very telling..

I'm not saying u should definitely divorce but ur other half needs to start changing his behaviour and start treating u with respect, not some woman he can have a physical relationship with but with no emotional bond or attachment (what does that remind u of?).. maybe it will happen but maybe it won't, right now he sounds like an arrogant jerk..

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

just because most of these people think there is "no life" after divorce..doesn't mean you need to stay in a bad marriage. It does a lot more damage than people realize.

And you know best why you feel the need for a separation, but if it's an unhappy marriage and isn't about to change...why should you stay in it just because people feel women don't have a good life afterwards.

You have the choice, people like to assume the other option is the worst thing on earth.

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

^ Totally agree

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

Please don't rush into divorce, esp if you still love your husband, divorce should be the last resort if husband and wife become so unbearable to each other that they want to kill each other. I am not aware of all your been through but from the sound of it, you want divorce due to thing around your marriage not in your marriage.

Try to ignore and don't take things taht are not important in long run to your heart. Please lower your expectations too, is se bari kharbi hoti hai. Give your husband time, even if you say sorry million times everyday please understand only time can heal him or make him forget, or get better. Things do change you don't have to kill yourself to redeem yourself in his eyes, but just try and keep things normal at home, trust, love, all you want will come back or will flourish again, JUST GIVE IT SOMETIME, can take 2,3,5 years.
Yes he can't take your right to become a mother again but you don't have much choice in this matter, do you? so just pray to allah, and don'y destroy yuor marriage for petty things.

Divorce is better than bad marriage, your marriage doesn't sound bad to me, things are not perfecrt as you want them to be, if your husband doesn't abuse you or your son, then it means he still cares. I am not sure what have you done other than 'sabare' to make this marriage work, may be you need to step up and make it a better marriage. Please don't rush into divorce not because life will be or can be ugly afterward but mailny because yo may regret your decisin lkater(which I am sorry to say you will, the way I have understood you and will blame others for not helping your marriage, sorry for being so raw, hope you won't be too hurt or mad reading this)

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heyy,

y does ur husband say he does not trust you anymore? the issue with ur brother and SIL is he referring to that, coz then i still dont c y he is not trusting you even after he apologised 2 years ago....

sorry if i missed something u already told.. ur marriage has been bad for the past 2 years??... maybe u should stay some period longer..
and i find it quite disgusting of him that u two still have a physical relation... y dont you say no?
im sure u have physical needs aswell and not only him.... but how are u able to knowing he doesnt care abt you anymore... dont b weak

i dont know what to advice you yet...

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lol @ Deeba

I must also say cosmic biwi, your husband is a mature person but is acting like a child in this respect.

I totally agree that is has been disrepecting you and its been two years. On the divorce side it is possible you could get a better life/partner and it also isnt.
OK hes bad right now. But not terribly bad. Everyone well knows how nasty it can be.
Nobody is saying put up with this. Were hoping he'll come round and inshallah he will.

I salute you for your patience. cosmi biwi, from what you said i seriously dont think he hates you, else he could have made excuses for divorce to come up.

In addition to excellent the above advices.
I strongly advice you to consult religious support. The hadiths and koran are miracles, and there are many wazifa's or parts of the koran that focus on increasing love between spouses. Trust me these things can and do work wonders.
Dua is also known as the 'weapon of the believer' .
There have been lengthy books just written on the subject of 'dua' and its power.
There are certain times of the day and methods of suplicating that increase this weapons power and its strike.
The ladies here are advising excellently also you could check out your local islam store or so for more literature on the these topics.

Ramzan is also coming up. This is the month of mercy, c'mon give it your best shot. Dont go for the divorce just yet. The guys here are with you for support...
You did no major wrong, and implore Allah with this in yoru duas and endeavours.
Who will marry who is already written by Allah-its not because of anybody, that somebodies rista didnt happen.

And its good to hear you live separartly from your n-laws. Although that doesnt necceseriy mean they are not in regular in touch with your husband. You should determinate if that is so and if anyone is regularly re-fueling and not letting fade this issue.

And even if we granted your husband, that you made a mistake. ITS NATURAL. who does not, nobody is perfect. And he should realise this.
He should understand if he tomorow goes for somebody else she will too not be infallible.

Final note: You seem like a good wife and good mother of his child. If that is the case-he does need you whether he at the moment admits it or not, in his grudge with you.
And he loves his child-there is no way he could live or prefers being without him, even if he is temporarily upset with you.

Trust me just dont go for the divorce yet. Maybe a brief separation as a trial but not divorce.
Must cmprehend hes not being so respectful but at the same time not disrespectful either.
He has an issue on his head, which he may find difficult to turn over at the moment, until which it appears he wishes to maintain distance.

You will win him over; Just give it some more time, try new things, remember to turn to God for help.
You are the best and can be an even better wife that he will ever get. Make him see this.

You said you love him.
Have you tried telling him, reminding him?

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

same question as funky nails

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Fairy Tale i have tried this. And am still doing this all..I dress up for him 4 if not 5 days of week. try to cook him foods he likes, show him love but when i do not get any response I start feeling depressed. response in a sense he never appreciates me. Ok i can cope with this as i knw his personality. He is an extremely reserve man.
But i will continue my efforts.
I have made up my mind of giving my marriage another 1-2 years.
Nutwer u have given excellent advice.

ThannX all for ur support and kind words. I really needed to hear those words.
With this i want the Mods to plz close my thread. I Got the advice i was looking for.
Thanks everyone Once again.

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I understand that it "pinches" you that he doesn't feel up to having another child.....but this decision is not only about you. Having a second child will also affect him. And considering the tensions between your and your husband.....do you think it's practical to have another baby at this time? Children require parents who are in a healthy relationship...they need a positive home atmosphere.....and they are much more intuitive and perceptive about tensions between their parents than adults give them credit for. That's something to consider....because it's not always as simple as saying "I wanna baby so let's have one."

I don't know why your husband doesn't want another child right now. It could be due to financial problems or maybe he's stressed out at work or feels his job isn't stable. Or perhaps he's not connecting with you emotionally....to the extent of wanting another baby. You'll have another baby when and if Allah wills you to. The current state of your marriage is the far more important issue here.

If you feel he's stressed out at work....tell him that you're there for him if he needs to talk. But don't pester him about it. If you're frequently asking him "So, what's wrong?"........"What's on your mind?"........"What are you thinking about?"......stop. That can get be irritating when the other person doesn't feel like talking. Go about your business....take care of your son....socialize with friends and family....pursue a hobby....as opposed to chasing after this over-grown baby of a husband. And I think it's better if you don't bring up past issues (that happened with your in-laws) with him. Don't get involved in that...even if he randomly brings it up. Otherwise you'll just be fueling it. And stop apologizing to him. There's nothing wrong with apologizing.....but if you do it excessively....you risk losing your self-respect. You teach people how to treat you. Give the impression that you're weak and needy........and people can easily manipulate your emotions.

So, evaluate the situation (pros and cons) before reaching a decision. Think about whether or not you've given the marriage your best shot....or if there is still a chance to save it (think about solutions....compromises....adjustments you may have to make in your own self, etc)....cuz although divorce is permissible....its the last resort. And you did mention that you think that maybe things might improve since your SIL will be getting married. So...it seems you still have hope.

***If things continue to get worse........a divorce is not the worst thing in the world. In some cases it can be liberating and bring peace not only for a couple....but the children as well. And to "stick it out in a hell-hole of a marriage" only so that rishtaydar won't wag their tongues.....or dare look down on your (cuz they're so perfect themselves" is just absolutely absurd.

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Do dress up............but not for him. Do it for yourself instead. Do look good and have fun.....but do it for yourself. Don't act desperate or needy. You don't have too cook his favorite meals all the time. You don't even have to be at the house all the time....waiting for him.....to be groveling after him...and being at his beck and call. Be out of the house sometimes. Go shopping....visit friends and family....pursue a hobby. It's one thing to do something nice for your spouse....but human nature....in general.....gets turned off by "trying too hard"....and chipku-ness. No, it's not a game. It's about you continuing to live your life.....which does not revolve around him. This also means that you shouldn't stare at him from afar with beseeching eyes that are wondering if he's mad at you....or if he'll ever forgive you. And when he sees that you're strong...confident.....that you don't "need" him....he just might value your role in his life a bit more.