How is Life after Divorce?

Lifestyle Relationships
1

I do not want to be rude.
Am going through a time in my life where i think i have to decide either to continue my marriage or get separated.

My husband has left the whole decision on me and so has my family. they r supporting me either way.
So now I have to weigh the pros and cons of divorce.

I know tht life will be tough esp when i have 2 yr old boy with me. I Will be able to support myself and my Son financially.
Am talking abt the social pressure..How difficult is it to face ur rishtadar? do they look down upon u and ur baby? How to deal with your own emotions?

sorry if i appear distracted and sorry if i have offended someone.
(pm me if anyone does not want to share openly)

2

Re: How is Life after Divorce?

*^Well I think you should really be careful while deciding. It will have lots of consequences.
It isn't easy at all ! May Allah help you. Ameen! Sum'Ameen :)
*

3

Re: How is Life after Divorce?

you have a son I would never recommend you to do such a thing ,,

every thing on one side and think about your son ,, and your husband should do the same ,,

may ALLAH help us all

4

Don't rush into it...

Forget what others think, but just think for yourself and your child....
Your child needs a father as much as he needs a mother!!

I know this is very hard for you, but think about what's causing the problem in your relationship...maybe it can be changed!!

And please don't get any 2nd person involved... I've seen majority of the divorces take place because of these middleman/woman!!

Try to work out things, tell each other what's bothering you, and it will save you a lot of trouble!! You'll be better off trying to work things and staying with the person than taking the entire burden on yourself!

Then you'll have a lot to worry about...
-Giving more time to your child
-Financially work harder to support
-Other ppl talking etc... and much much more!!

And ask yourself, are you willing to stay single for the rest of your life, or would you like to get married?!! And if so, how would it effect your child!!

And most of all...make lots and lots of du'a to Allah swt... May He help you, and take away all the problems and restore happiness, tranquility and serenity in your home! Ameen.

I hate the word divorce itself! :(

5

Re: How is Life after Divorce?

Why would you have to look after your son financially on your own. Doesn't the boy's father want to be part of his son's life if you two go your separate ways?

6

[QUOTE]
clad
you have a son I would never recommend you to do such a thing ,,

every thing on one side and think about your son ,, and your husband should do the same ,,

may ALLAH help us all

[/QUOTE]

clad is right....................don't do it!

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

Honestly, divorce is not the solution... It's THE PROBLEM!!!

8

^Agree. As the father he has financial obligations toward his son.

I vaguely remember you had created a thread ages ago....but I don't remember what the issues in your marriage were and you haven't mentioned them in this thread either. And that can make it harder to give advice.

Nobody is perfect. If you were to get married again to another man...he'll have his shortcomings as well. You have to decide if his flaws can be overlooked...if he has more positive qualities than negative ones....if the issues can be resolved through compromise....or the situation can be improved with some adjustments. Think about whether or not you've truly/sincerely tried everything to make it work...or if you're rushing to consider ending it.

As far as your fear about what "rishtaydar" think....no offense....but it's a stupid fear and it should be the least of your worries. It's the people who will be DIRECTLY affected by the divorce (such as you, your husband, and your child) that matter more than some qareebi or door ke rishtedaar. Those relatives don't live under the same roof as you...they don't know the details of your marriage....they don't pay your bills....they won't help you raise your child. As far as them "talking" is concerned....people will "talk" till the crack of doom. Their "judging" will never cease...just as your life won't cease on their account.

9

Re: How is Life after Divorce?

First, have you both really tred to work out your problems? DO you dislike each other so much that there is no hope for reconciliation? Did he do something so so wrong that you cannot forgive him? Is he so different from your expectations?

Don't think of divorce..think of how you can fix your marriage.

10

Re: How is Life after Divorce?

To get appropriate advice you would have to give the readers at least some idea of what happened.

11

yes I have tried a lot to make my marriage work. i do not dislike him to extent tht i do not want to see him again..Infact i still love him deeply and want to be with him.
He is an excellent father and an excellent son. He is very good at his work. But the only thing is he is not as good as husband.
We both had some serious issues around 2 yrs ago and they still come between us in every fight. He loves to keep grudges and i just follow the rule of Forgive and forget.

I have asked him several times to Plz move on.. Only we 2 can help ourselves. Rite now i feel tht i am putting all the effort into relationship. He has always been emotionality distant. Whenevr i need him the most or whenever i need a shoulder to cry on he is not there.

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

I cannot pm unless my Post count is 25.

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

Its 25 now...Sorry..i just wanted to reply to someone.

14

For the curious, here are the details which have caused the rift between them. This is from an earlier thread by cosmicBiwi:

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/411798-confessing-to-mil.html

This fight happened two years ago, but it seems like it’s never been resolved. Your husband has not moved on from it, and uses it everytime you guys fight I take it. That is extremely unhealthy and unfair to you, especially since really none of it was your fault. His sister is the one to blame really. Sorry you’ve been through all this crap. Hope things get better.

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

Have you tried going to a marriage counselor?

16

Everyone says think about the child.....no one mentioned the mother
Think about yourself as well. Will you be able to live in this ???

What upbringing will a child have if the mother is going crazy with stress and parents are fighting. Staying together only for the child is not always the right option but, here you have to decide if you can do it.

As for the person who keeps grudges...it only gets worse...things keep on piling over the previous ones & it never ends...one gets exhausted fighting over the same issues again & again....& its simply not fair to the one who is sorry for them & is trying to move on

Divorce is a very big thing & you are the one who will bear it ( god forbid if it happens) so dont rush & take time to think ............ At one side life is difficult, at other its more difficult, you have to choose which is which.

17

cosmicBiwi... I read your other thread and it's horrible that an incident from years ago is still present in your marriage. You're considering a divorce and your husband has left the decision on you... what does your husband want? Is your husband going to support your son if you get divorced?

Have you tried counseling? Forget the family and what others think... think about only your marriage right now. You don't want to have any regrets later on that maybe your marriage could have worked out if you had just a little more time. Don't involve the family and talk to a marriage counselor. If that doesn't work, go for a trial separation.

Regarding your questions... based off of the experiences in my extended family and friends... yes, divorcees can be looked down upon. It usually happens in families where there haven't been divorces or they are not open minded. But I know of families that are supportive and don't give any taanas. It gets more stressful when the family puts pressure on a remarriage. Will they look down on your child- I doubt it and I hope not.

18

well said!

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

I read your story in your other thread. I really hope you don't go for a divorce. Your major mistake that's making your life hard, from what I understood, is telling on your husband to your father. I read, you have aplologized to your husband a zillion times but he is still hurt. You need convince him that you're genuinely sorry for your mistake and that you love him and wish to live a happy married life with him and your kid.

May Allah help you and your family and bless you all with happiness, Ameen!

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Re: How is Life after Divorce?

Don't go for divorce. Try to settle down at level best.

Being a male and separated, I can for sure tell you that basic instinct of all women is same. Similar is the case with men. They are all possessive and want dominance no matter how educated, knowledgeable and understanding the wife is.....

You will regret your divorce decision after few years.....so please don't go for it.

Think about the words....."itnee muskilain aaaeen kay aaasan ho gaeeen"

Married life is not easy......see how difficult our Prophets (PBUH) life was....full of disturbances......How difficult was life of Hazrat Yakoob (AS) and Hazrat Yousaf (AS)......when he was dodged by his brothers.....etc...etc...

If you compromise now, you will be very very happy when your son get around 25 years old.

May Allah bless you happiness and better understanding!