I understand that it “pinches” you that he doesn’t feel up to having another child…but this decision is not only about you. Having a second child will also affect him. And considering the tensions between your and your husband…do you think it’s practical to have another baby at this time? Children require parents who are in a healthy relationship…they need a positive home atmosphere…and they are much more intuitive and perceptive about tensions between their parents than adults give them credit for. That’s something to consider…because it’s not always as simple as saying “I wanna baby so let’s have one.”
I don’t know why your husband doesn’t want another child right now. It could be due to financial problems or maybe he’s stressed out at work or feels his job isn’t stable. Or perhaps he’s not connecting with you emotionally…to the extent of wanting another baby. You’ll have another baby when and if Allah wills you to. The current state of your marriage is the far more important issue here.
If you feel he’s stressed out at work…tell him that you’re there for him if he needs to talk. But don’t pester him about it. If you’re frequently asking him “So, what’s wrong?”…“What’s on your mind?”…“What are you thinking about?”…stop. That can get be irritating when the other person doesn’t feel like talking. Go about your business…take care of your son…socialize with friends and family…pursue a hobby…as opposed to chasing after this over-grown baby of a husband. And I think it’s better if you don’t bring up past issues (that happened with your in-laws) with him. Don’t get involved in that…even if he randomly brings it up. Otherwise you’ll just be fueling it. And stop apologizing to him. There’s nothing wrong with apologizing…but if you do it excessively…you risk losing your self-respect. You teach people how to treat you. Give the impression that you’re weak and needy…and people can easily manipulate your emotions.
So, evaluate the situation (pros and cons) before reaching a decision. Think about whether or not you’ve given the marriage your best shot…or if there is still a chance to save it (think about solutions…compromises…adjustments you may have to make in your own self, etc)…cuz although divorce is permissible…its the last resort. And you did mention that you think that maybe things might improve since your SIL will be getting married. So…it seems you still have hope.
***If things continue to get worse…a divorce is not the worst thing in the world. In some cases it can be liberating and bring peace not only for a couple…but the children as well. And to “stick it out in a hell-hole of a marriage” only so that rishtaydar won’t wag their tongues…or dare look down on your (cuz they’re so perfect themselves" is just absolutely absurd.