How important is the actual marriage function for you?
Would you mind only a very simple nikkah with only the girl , boy, and both parents present?
Or is it your dream to have all desi functions with all the hulla, gulla and stress associated with them?
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
Very important and hell yes I want hala gala and ronak. its not a funeral.
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
thanks for the reply
would you (and other guppies) sacrifice their otherwise Mr (or Mrs) Right.......if they insisted on a very simple marriage?
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
If my husband had his way, yes this would've happened
fortunately he has a family who feels the same way I do. :D
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
DEFNTLYY halllaa gulaa.. infact if it were upto my hubbie he wud want it to b simple... but dude... u inshAllah only get married once... y not go all out.. lol
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
thanks,
so the equation becomes:
wedding function > spouse
short for "is greater than"
is there any possibility in the world anyone you will agree to have a simple nikkah...........?? if so then what?
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
many girls will agree to a simple wedding.
if it's so important to you, make that part of your rishta requirements.....
My family and I both would have preferred a very simple ceremony, or at least something that was more heartfelt and natural for us, like an outdoor ceremony on our land (have a lot of very pretty land in the country.) My husband's family wanted something big and showy. We went with the latter. It turned out pretty good in most respects, I can't complain much, but when considering the cost I still would have rather done something simple. And after all we went through, probably some of the funnest moments for us came when we went to city hall to do the civil ceremony---it was just us and my sister, and we had a good fun time and then met the fam for lunch afterwards.
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
lol agree with everything sara said.
yes it was very important and dear to me, my family and his family. if he had it his way we would go to a masjid for the nikkah and then take our close family and friends out to dinner. haha ok maybe not that simple but definitely not as extravagant as it was either.
For me, wanting a simple wedding was partially just my personality (I tend to be very frugal and practical and am not used to spending large amounts on something I don't see as having long-term value), and partially because of family dynamics. In my case, I have a reserved family, and my husband's family is very conservative. I hadn't been impressed with videos/photos of other weddings in his family and had visions of sitting at the front of a glorified cafeteria while a bunch of dour-looking aunties stared at me for 6 hours---and having to foot the bill since neither family contributed to the cost (but of course wanted control over details despite it.) I ended up taking enough control of the event that we had some elements of fun that wouldn't have otherwise been there (music, for example), but the crowd on both sides was not really equipped to contribute to a really festive, memorable atmosphere.
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
i did not get much in choice in how/where it was done in the end. that bothered me the most. even though i didn't want anything big and just the one function, i still would have liked to have input, after all, it was my wedding.
my dad tried his best in the circumstances we were in and in the end i got the thing that mattered to me the most. which was not to sign my nikah in a room away from the guests, feeling isolated and having my family have to come back and forth. i signed in front of everyone (ladies) and the nikah/khutbah was on the loudspeaker so i got to hear it. that was the special part for me. we had our pictures with hubby, family, relatives etc when the partition came down after the randoms had gone, that was nice and intimate and we all had a good time.
i'm a present person. it matters to me that i'm happy and content in the present. the wedding wasn't anything to rave about nor was it a diaster and i don't have any regrets now it's done and dusted. we fell in love, we got married, we have the rest of our lives to live together. the end!
For me, wanting a simple wedding was partially just my personality (I tend to be very frugal and practical and am not used to spending large amounts on something I don't see as having long-term value), and partially because of family dynamics. In my case, I have a reserved family, and my husband's family is very conservative. I hadn't been impressed with videos/photos of other weddings in his family and had visions of sitting at the front of a glorified cafeteria while a bunch of dour-looking aunties stared at me for 6 hours---and having to foot the bill since neither family contributed to the cost (but of course wanted control over details despite it.) I ended up taking enough control of the event that we had some elements of fun that wouldn't have otherwise been there (music, for example), but the crowd on both sides was not really equipped to contribute to a really festive, memorable atmosphere.
that's exactly my feeling but i wasn't able to verbalise it!
that's exactly my feeling but i wasn't able to verbalise it!
Yes, I think the type of attendees you'll be expecting is so important. Of course a marriage is a wonderful, momentous occasion, one of the most important of your life, so I think the experience of having an amazing, memorable set of festivities would be worth the money if they truly are amazing and deeply memorable. But in my case I can't say that it was worth the expense. And like you, I moved on and am very happy with the present!
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
I think we should always maintain a level of mediocricy in events like these .. if you have the money, yes its your right to spend it extravagently, but most people forget their social responsibility, they are setting wrong examples and become responsible for the pressure that the less fortunate feel for their events.
In my case, my inlaws want a heavy extravagent wedding and I have taken a strict stance against it , I want to enjoy the event but not throw away the money, coz alot of their family and my family that will be attending it , may not be able to afford extravagent weddings and I would hate it if any of them later look at me with envy ..
Frankly , after a certain point it becomes a show off ! .. I told my MIL that why not we reduce unnecessary expenditure on both sides and with that money , perhaps get a less fortunate girl married... she mashallah agreed and so we are sticking to plan.
Where there's a will there's a way.
Frankly , after a certain point it becomes a show off ! .. I told my MIL that why not we reduce unnecessary expenditure on both sides and with that money , perhaps get a less fortunate girl married... she mashallah agreed and so we are sticking to plan.
CB, I think that's so nice!
For my part, I get so irritated hearing people tell me, "Oh, we're a simple family, we're just simple people, we're very simple," but the show-off factor is beyond the pale. I think so many people feel an enormous amount of pressure to save face in front of extended family, acquaintances, etc.
Yes, I think the type of attendees you'll be expecting is so important. Of course a marriage is a wonderful, momentous occasion, one of the most important of your life, so I think the experience of having an amazing, memorable set of festivities would be worth the money if they truly are amazing and deeply memorable. But in my case I can't say that it was worth the expense. And like you, I moved on and am very happy with the present!
well put.
i got married in Pakistan. no friends, no family that i had grown up with. plenty of as you say, 'dour' relatives, who i didn't know and just go to weddings for free food and to pass comments on what everyone is wearing.
I would prefer very simple nikah ceremony only.However, it;s usually seen either the girl or the grooms family can't find common ground on this matter so one of them usually has to give in.
I agree that we only get married once (most of us) and would love all the halla gulla but personally if i am able to help some one in need instead of having a lavish weeding, i think that satisfaction will last a long long time.
Re: How important or dear is the marriage function to you?
Are we really that ill equipped morally, financially, whatever etc, that we can only do one thing, either have a nie wedding or help someone else out?
why not be a well balanced person and do both?
I personally love to watch wedding decor, the lighting specially, the music, dholak, songs, n other rasams etc. But for my own wedding I can very well go for a simple nikah ceremony, i do not have any prob with that. I am only concerned about the person I am going to marry with. His presence will make the whole day and event special and memorable for life time. But yes there is one thing that I must must want to have on my wedding and cannot even think of my marriage without that is my Wedding Dress. I want that to be a speical dress. By special I do not mean a very expensive one too, but special in sense that It suits me well and I am in love with it for its beauty and grace and its my dream dress.
My parents, his parents, my wedding dress and lots of mehandi on hands n feet.......hmmm..... what else???...... oh yea a qari too , if his presence is compulsory..lol , thats all that I **must **want to see in my wedding. Rest Allah knows the best.
Are we really that ill equipped morally, financially, whatever etc, that we can only do one thing, either have a nie wedding or help someone else out?
why not be a well balanced person and do both?
If you look around you will see a lot us are just that..unbalanced