I recently visited my SIL who lives in a very small city in South. Had a good time, went out ate, saw places.. etc. One fine evening, we started talking about importance of friends in our lives. She thinks friends are as important as breathing, they are the ones who keep you sane, you go out with them… basically its very important to have a good social circle. She also said that people who lack that are depressed, anti-social and not realize that.
I don’t have many friends. I’ve lived in the city I live in for 3 years and hardly have any friends. I chose to be this way. But I am very happy with my life. I don’t feel that I have a strong need for a social circle. I see the current stage of my life as a phase where we should just be focused on our career and education, saving money, getting strong financially. I go out shop, usually go out with my husband and once in a while with my sister who lives in the same city. So, my question is, is my SIL right?? Oh and I have no signs of depression.. lol. My believe is that not everyone is alike and some may feel the need that social circle more than others. I am happy with what I have and don’t have such needs. SIL strongly believes in parties, inviting people over, gathering etc. Maybe she is saying I am depressed just because I don’t have friends. She says there is no way anyone could be happy/satisfy without friends and that it’s not a normal human behavior. I live in a big city compared to her, huge city infact and she thinks I am all wrong about it since I am the one who should have ton of friends.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
i think it depends on you as some like to have social circle and to expand it as well while for some people their home and career is everything and they don´t need frnds or parties. they can breath and digest without frnds lol
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
It depends. I am a very social person but lately all my friends are getting married and cant take out time to meet up like they used to before. Slowly I am also getting used to it. Moreover it also depends upon how busy you are and whether you like your job or not. For example a couple of years back I was assisting my father in family business and I was at work from 10am till 10pm and time used to fly by. Didn't felt bored or anything. Now I am working at a private company and I do not like my job so yeah I feel pretty bored all the time (and hence I am here on GS)
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I think it depends on the person but from my perspective if one has to rely on others to be happy and alive. Then what happens to that person when they are all gone?
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
It varies from person to person. I'm sure you interact with others and that's enough for you. If you didn't, you would seek out interaction. Some people need to see their friends every other day, others only need to spend some time once a week, or even less. It depends.
And as people get older, I imagine we spend more and more time with family and less time with friends. So yes, the social circle is important but it's not the only way to benefit from human interaction. I think your SIL is ignoring the relationship people have with colleagues and obviously, the relationship with a spouse.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I think it depends on the person but from my perspective if one has to rely on others to be happy and alive. Then what happens to that person when they are all gone?
They become depressed and lonely. Humans are social. We've always lived in communities. Even a loner might enjoy just sitting in the company of others and listening. It's a weird thing that the more interconnected we are (internet, phones etc) the less quality time we spend with each other. Face to face interaction is what's important and modern humans sometimes spend less time doing that than our ancestors.
Kakee, that’s exactly what I told her. I don’t find happiness in parties, inviting other people, in my friends. I am happy with my life, with my husband with my child and I really don’t have that strong of a need to have friends.. well she disagrees and insists that such people are depressed
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
They become depressed and lonely. Humans are social. We've always lived in communities. Even a loner might enjoy just sitting in the company of others and listening. It's a weird thing that the more interconnected we are (internet, phones etc) the less quality time we spend with each other. Face to face interaction is what's important and modern humans sometimes spend less time doing that than our ancestors.
I was talking about friends. I wasn't talking about all interaction.
Of course cutting all interaction would cause depression but if you didn't have many friends but had a spouse surely that would be enough?
Although I would probably die because there are somethings I need to complain (i.e complaining about my SOs fashion sense) about to my friends so I don't feel like I'm insane for having different views from my beloved.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I was talking about friends. I wasn't talking about all interaction.
Of course cutting all interaction would cause depression but if you didn't have many friends but had a spouse surely that would be enough?
Although I would probably die because there are somethings I need to complain (i.e complaining about my SOs fashion sense) about to my friends so I don't feel like I'm insane for having different views from my beloved.
Ok but all of that complaining can be done to mom/sisters. I have that. I talk to them almost every day... why should I worry about friends when I have sisters around my age. I have friends I talk to online, go out for a walk with my baby... shouldn't that be enough for some?
Well from what I understand if you enjoy your kids company more than of those adults who act the same as your kid then you’re a loony.. so I guess you’re a loony
jk
I think it is baseless but what can you do? Your SIL enjoys her company with friends and husband etc and you enjoy your company with your kid and husband.
I’m young so for now I enjoy the company of my friends and I can live without them yes but I enjoy their company. I meet new people everyday because I’ve become very social over the years of moving country to country. When I’m older and settled I’ll probably concentrate more on my family and not really care about socializing as much as I do now. (although if I may be honest I’m not as social as many other young people I know)
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
Ok but all of that complaining can be done to mom/sisters. I have that. I talk to them almost every day... why should I worry about friends when I have sisters around my age. I have friends I talk to online, go out for a walk with my baby... shouldn't that be enough for some?
uh this would be so much easier if it was just a bit chat and not a forum -.-
Yes, it should be and it is. As I said in my earlier post that you change over the years and some stay exactly the same like your SIL and some stop relying on others to find comfort.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
Well the thing is my husband thinks his sister is right too. Well in his world, she is always right. I've already been criticized for not liking movies, watching tv, music and now the family must really think that I am depressed.. lol. I do like to go out, travel, read, spend time with my family ... so idk..
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
Well the thing is my husband thinks his sister is right too. Well in his world, she is always right. I've already been criticized for not liking movies, watching tv, music and now the family must really think that I am depressed.. lol. I do like to go out, travel, read, spend time with my family ... so idk..
Well I don't think you're depressed. He has to understand that you don't have to be a carbon copy of everybody else. You are you and just because everybody else likes to go out and party doesn't mean you have to too.
You know a lot of people don't like spending time with their family or traveling they find it weird and unimportant.
Reading well people who read think people who don't read are stupid, people who don't read think people who read stay in doors all day.
So the question is
should you really judge yourself on what other people think? Should you really doubt your mental state just because your husband and SIL have that particular view?
I find it stupid that people just throw the word depression so carelessly because people start thinking "maybe I am depressed?" when they aren't. Everybody shouldn't be the same because if they were the world would be really dull. :)
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I can so relate with Spiral. I spend most of my time with my husband and kid. I have a few friends but I don't feel like meeting them every other day. I work from home, and whatever free time I have I like to spend it with my family or doing stuff that I like, like reading, writing etc. I genuinely don't feel the urge to socialize all the time. Plus my family lives 20 minutes away, so I visit them quite frequently.
In fact, meeting people (other than my family) depresses me:D
I mean, if I already know what I enjoy more, which is being with my family, my work, reading, cooking, going out etc., then why should I spend that time on something that I enjoy a lot less, like meeting people.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I can so relate with Spiral. I spend most of my time with my husband and kid. I have a few friends but I don't feel like meeting them every other day. I work from home, and whatever free time I have I like to spend it with my family or doing stuff that I like, like reading, writing etc. I genuinely don't feel the urge to socialize all the time. Plus my family lives 20 minutes away, so I visit them quite frequently.
In fact, meeting people (other than my family) depresses me:D
I mean, if I already know what I enjoy more, which is being with my family, my work, reading, cooking, going out etc., then why should I spend that time on something that I enjoy a lot less, like meeting people.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
^ hahaha. Maybe. I was kidding BTW. But it's a fact that socializing is the last thing on my priorities' list.
I just wanted to point out that if you are doing what makes you happy, it doesn't matter whether you fit into someone else's definition of 'happiness'.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
^ hahaha. Maybe. I was kidding BTW. But it's a fact that socializing is the last thing on my priorities' list.
I just wanted to point out that if you are doing what makes you happy, it doesn't matter whether you fit into someone else's definition of 'happiness'.
Exactly. I also think that mothers should also think about having time for themselves and not just their family, kids and husband.
Have a massage or watch a movie even a day at the spa will help I think :)
