Re: How important is your social circle to you....
^ Oh believe me, I am quite 'selfish'. I take out time everyday to read something or the other. Even my two year old has figured it out and tries occasionally to bribe me with books. Like when he wants something done that I don't want him to do, he will bring one of my books to me and look at me with see-I-got-you-the-book-so-now-you-have-to-let-me-have-my-way look on his face.
It was so funny the very first time he did it.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
^ Oh believe me, I am quite 'selfish'. I take out time everyday to read something or the other. Even my two year old has figured it out and tries occasionally to bribe me with books. Like when he wants something done that I don't want him to do, he will bring one of my books to me and look at me with see-I-got-you-the-book-so-now-you-have-to-let-me-have-my-way look on his face.
It was so funny the very first time he did it.
AWW
thats adorable.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
varies person to person. she may need a lot of people around her, you don't.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I have a social triangle. Is that ok?
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
Well i am quiet of a social person. And i do believe that friendship and socializing is very important. And since i am considered to be friendly guy..i tend to make friends easy. And most of them are decent people that i hang out with. What i am saying yo is..i agree with ya're SIL or sister whatever.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I My believe is that not everyone is alike and some may feel the need that social circle more than others. I am happy with what I have and don’t have such needs. SIL strongly believes in parties, inviting people over, gathering etc. .
^If you firmly believe that...then why worry about your SIL's comments? I think you are a tad bit concerned because apart from sharing what she said, you're also trying to figure out what she might have meant.
It can even be argued that being able to spend time/go places by yourself requires confidence. I know of a few people who feel very conscious about how others will view them if they're seen alone in the most simple of settings. Tomorrow I have plans to watch a movie with a friend, but there have been times where I've gone by myself. My sister thinks that makes a person look like a loser, but I couldn't care less cuz people don't keep track of your company when you're inside a theatre or when you enter/exit one. A week ago I went to a restaurant with a friend...but I don't have any issues with going by myself either. With things like shopping, often times I prefer going alone because I get more accomplished that way. I like spending time with friends and family, but I enjoy spending time to myself as well....I find it necessary. I may choose not to socialize with certain people (desi and otherwise) because I don't have much in common with them or we don't click and that's fine. Hmm, I think I've had some relatives and a few people from the desi social circle think I'm antisocial...but it's easier for them to think that than for me to tell them that I keep a distance because they either turn me off or I don't click with them. Socializing IS important...it does help with depression and it's also said to help prevent other disorders (Alzheimer's, etc). Helps develop your mind as well. I think that as long as you're not behaving like a hermit where you isolate yourself from everyone and can't manage a conversation with anyone outside the voices in your head and your immediate family.....you're fine.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
^If you firmly believe that...then why worry about your SIL's comments? I think you are a tad bit concerned because apart from sharing what she said, you're also trying to figure out what she might have meant.
It can even be argued that being able to spend time/go places by yourself requires confidence. I know of a few people who feel very conscious about how others will view them if they're seen alone in the most simple of settings. Tomorrow I have plans to watch a movie with a friend, but there have been times where I've gone by myself. My sister thinks that makes a person look like a loser, but I couldn't care less cuz people don't keep track of your company when you're inside a theatre or when you enter/exit one. A week ago I went to a restaurant with a friend...but I don't have any issues with going by myself either. With things like shopping, often times I prefer going alone because I get more accomplished that way. I like spending time with friends and family, but I enjoy spending time to myself as well....I find it necessary. I may choose not to socialize with certain people (desi and otherwise) because I don't have much in common with them or we don't click and that's fine. Hmm, I think I've had some relatives and a few people from the desi social circle think I'm antisocial...but it's easier for them to think that than for me to tell them that I keep a distance because they either turn me off or I don't click with them. Socializing IS important...it does help with depression and it's also said to help prevent other disorders (Alzheimer's, etc). Helps develop your mind as well. I think that as long as you're not behaving like a hermit where you isolate yourself from everyone and can't manage a conversation with anyone outside the voices in your head and your immediate family.....you're fine.
In the past, my MIL has told me that she thinks its weird that I take no interest in watching TV or listening to music. I told them that there are other things I like to do and to hear it again from my SIL (umm MIL has pointed out my behavior is not normal), that my behavior is not normal makes me think if they really think I suffer some kind of disorder. I don't but I am not sure why they are thinking that way. My husband always says that I am the most confident girl he has known yet he thinks that maybe his sister is right. I've worked full time in the past and had many friends in university/work but I got married/moved and lost touch with most of them and can't be bothered contacting them. I have a good life and the most I would want to do is probably get a job (my SIL thinks that working women can't focus on families, but that's a totally different thing), so everything has to come down to socializing, partying etc.
Re: How important is your social circle to you…
You seem more like an introvert with extrovert in-laws and there’s nothing wrong with that…you need both kids of people to make the world go round. I read more than I watch TV. I can go a week, even more than that, without watching TV. Hmm, maybe my being out of the house quite a bit has something to do with it, lol. My family doesn’t think it’s weird and they watch TV far more than I do. I do listen to music often though. I did even less reading than usual these past couple of weeks because I was working on an art project. Your SIL seems to be very opinionated…but in forming her opinions (example: working women can’t pay attention to family)…she fails to consider exceptions. It seems black and white with her…as if what she believes is the be-all/end-all…and for the sake of argument…you might even consider this attitude of hers to be a hindrance in social interactions. 
Think about this. You KNOW..as any reasonable person would…that there ARE working women (and we have some on GS) that can successfully manage a job and a family. But your SIL doesn’t think so…(though she’s wrong)…she doesn’t care about exceptions…and confidently holds on to this belief. So, why don’t you do the same? Why don’t you confidently hold on to the belief that you KNOW you’re a happy individual regardless of you not sharing your SIL/MIL’s lifestyle? You would know, better than them, whether or not you’re “depressed” right? So, why give them that power. If you think about it…it is rather silly to base whether or not someone has a “fulfilling life” and a “healthy state of mind” on the amount of TV watching and partying they do. Thankfully professionals (doctors/shrinks) don’t use the same benchmark that your in-laws do, 
It doesn’t take too long to brush up your general knowledge about shows, the news, current happenings, etc..as that can help you in maintaining conversation. Maybe in the process, you’ll find something that appeals to your interests. I don’t know what kind of a relationship you have with your in-laws…but maybe they’re just saying such things to make you feel self-conscious? Don’t let them get to you.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I realized the importance of a social circle of friends that are there to support you physically and emotionally, when I had to move out of my home to a completely new place. Being the shy, introvert person I think I am, I failed to make any friends, any contacts in my first semester, a time in your life where people with whom you are friends with remain with you for your entire lifetime. Being afraid of negative judgement, body image and a over-critical person that I am, I have choked a lot of times while giving oral presentations, I have been bullied both verbally and physically in high school and it completely shattered my self-esteem and self-confidence, it was very difficult for me to accept new people in my circle. I missed a lot of opportunities and it was my fault.
Now for 2 years, I see the same people almost everyday and I don't make any kind of social contact with them except when my teachers assign us in a same group for a project, that is the only way I get to sit with them. People now have their own social circle where they have selected amount of people they regularly interact with. I have forced myself a few times to stay with them no matter what they think but ultimately I had to face rejection. I guess they just made that first impression of me that I am arrogant and have a cocky attitude. I just can't change that impression now. The only way to rejuvenate myself socially I think, when I will move to a new place, especially at new job, or a new university and try not to make those mistakes when I will get to meet new people.
I share an apartment with 2 people that are my age and from my own home town, studying in the university, often attend lectures in same sections but they totally avoid making any contact with me. Its only "Hey, I am going out, close the door" and when I knock on the door and I have to say "Its me" or when I have to give my share of rent. I just go out to attend my lectures and I just get to have a formal conversation with my teacher about the content being taught, as soon as the lectures are over I have this feeling of emptiness and that I have nothing to do here any more, I have through corridors where I always have this awkward eye contact with everyone that passes by, its tough to go through things like this on a daily basis. After my lectures, I just go to my room as soon as possible and take out my laptop, play video games, surf the internet, stalk people on Facebook and see them going out socializing, having fun on late night weekends and it sucks for me to sit by myself every weekend and get drowned in all this stress.
I know that people in this community, log in this website to socialize, to have fun, to relate, to explore. They work all day and use this time to relax and enjoy. There is a lot of negativity in my posts that I make here and I was told that people are unattracted to negativity. People here after reading my post might label me as a loser, troll or an attention seeking whore, which is perfectly fine, I am responsible for my actions and words. Some people here will feel pity for me and its not gonna do good to me. When you are in your professional career, I have read that you should never tend to show your weak side to your peers because they will use you for their own advantage and its not their fault. I agree with that.
I just have this intense natural urge to socialize, have a intimate relationship or to have someone to share my feelings and trust with, and I can't control myself. Just like humans have this natural urge to drink water, get food, sleep and sense of security. People here might say to me that why I am not out there sharing this with my family or my parents, but I am afraid of people feeling pity for me, I don't want that. My mother have several times called me an abnormal person to my face and I am afraid that they will label my as a mentally retard or having disorders. People in this desi society have this stereotype about people with mental disorders that they should by thrown like animals in mental camps, just like shown in Bollywood movies. I think I should stop typing now and get my post deleted...
Finally, I am happy that I am some anonymity here on the internet and I can pour out my heart while not worrying about being personally scrutinized. So here I am....
EDIT: I forgot to thank the readers here who took out their precious time to read or respond to my rants.... It means a lot to me...
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
See that's the thing. I am neither shy nor inrovert. I am actually pretty outspoken... and always the best in university in public speaking. Where ever I go, I make friends. Right now we are at a stage where I don't think that our social circle or friends is important. I want to focus on raising my child and look after my husband's needs. I am more confident and definitely have higher self esteem than my SIL... only thing is, she loves to invite people and go out for dinners and parties. I on the other hand, would rather take my son for a walk to a park or maybe cook something for him, or clean my closet etc.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
See that's the thing. I am neither shy nor inrovert. I am actually pretty outspoken... and always the best in university in public speaking. Where ever I go, I make friends. Right now we are at a stage where I don't think that our social circle or friends is important. I want to focus on raising my child and look after my husband's needs. I am more confident and definitely have higher self esteem than my SIL... only thing is, she loves to invite people and go out for dinners and parties. I on the other hand, would rather take my son for a walk to a park or maybe cook something for him, or clean my closet etc.
I see nothing wrong in that.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
See that's the thing. I am neither shy nor inrovert. I am actually pretty outspoken... and always the best in university in public speaking. Where ever I go, I make friends. Right now we are at a stage where I don't think that our social circle or friends is important. I want to focus on raising my child and look after my husband's needs. I am more confident and definitely have higher self esteem than my SIL... only thing is, she loves to invite people and go out for dinners and parties. I on the other hand, would rather take my son for a walk to a park or maybe cook something for him, or clean my closet etc.
It's great that you have a healthy self-esteem...and if you believe that it's "higher" than your SIL's...than stick to that. Don't let her opinion (that's all it is) get under your skin and contradict this belief of yours.
I sort of disagree with the idea that you only want to concentrate on one stage right now (husband and son). I don't think that attending parties and socializing is a "stage." I see them more as just part of life. We can concentrate/tend to various things in life. It would be one thing if you had said that I'm at the "stage" where I just want to focus on my career and myself and I'm not ready for marriage....or if you had said that I'm at that stage where I just want to focus on developing my marriage and I'm not ready to have kids yet....since marriage and kids would be stages that would dramatically change one's life. But attending a party and socializing are not a stage and they're not that huge a deal....that they would hinder you from tending to your more major priorities (marriage/children). I'm not trying to be rude, I'm just trying to get you to think about it from this angle.
I'm not saying that you should be the life of the party and attend a function every week. I'm not advocating that you change your personality. But it's okay to ...once in a while....attend someone's invitation. To participate in the happiness of others helps to form/strengthen bonds. You said that you want to tend to just raising your son and looking after your husband's needs. Well.....a husband's needs can ALSO include his need to socialize/interact with those outside of his family and work, right? I don't know how old your son is...but as a mother you do your best to help him develop in various ways (physically/emotionally/mentally/spiritually, etc)....but raising him also includes his social development too, no? Kids learn how to behave with others (peers/adults) by observing their parents interact with others. So, going to a party once in a while or socializing with others outside of your family....DOES....also meet the needs of your husband and child. They're not isolated/separate...they're connected.
Again, I'm not saying that you should go crazy and attend every single party and socialize with a friend every other day. I was just addressing your idea that that socializing is a "stage" and that it can't be done alongside raising a family.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I don't think it has anything to do wiht my marriage or how happy I am, I couldnt' be happy without being able to speak to or meet friends. I dont' meet them on a daily basis, some I meet after 3-4 months, some once a month...then there's work friends, and then there's the ppl i speak to online/text msg almost every day.
Re: How important is your social circle to you…
Ozair .. come here 
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
Yeah I get what you are saying RV but with a baby this small (he just turned 1), I am very limited to what I can do and to hear from none other than a very close family that I have signs of depression really pisses me off. Now I do every once in a while go out with some friends (like umm once a month maybe) but some people don't count that as anything. My husband works on weekends out of state so wouldn't you think that at least he should be appreciating me.. well no that doesn't happen. We have one car that he takes to work, so where can I go... or even for the sake of my baby, how can I go? I do try my best to take him out for walks around the area, to parks. I am just disgusted at desi mentality of no friends=depression. I am more upset because my husband thinks my SIL is right. To me it is a stage because right now we are at a stage where I can't afford to socialize.. i don't have money to buy another car. So when this stage is over, we are more settled than I'll have more opportunities to do things.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
For me friends equal work… some people it comes to them naturally but me it’s like a headache… my friends well I just have issues however sometimes it’s great and then there are times I think to myself why? You are what you are don’t think about how others choose to live there life because in the end its your life and if you like without people then without people it should be. And personally it seems you have yah mind set so let go of your sil comments she lives in da south…. Out of sight eh:P
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
Yeah I get what you are saying RV but with a baby this small (he just turned 1), I am very limited to what I can do and to hear from none other than a very close family that I have signs of depression really pisses me off. Now I do every once in a while go out with some friends (like umm once a month maybe) but some people don't count that as anything. My husband works on weekends out of state so wouldn't you think that at least he should be appreciating me.. well no that doesn't happen. We have one car that he takes to work, so where can I go... or even for the sake of my baby, how can I go? I do try my best to take him out for walks around the area, to parks. I am just disgusted at desi mentality of no friends=depression. I am more upset because my husband thinks my SIL is right. To me it is a stage because right now we are at a stage where I can't afford to socialize.. i don't have money to buy another car. So when this stage is over, we are more settled than I'll have more opportunities to do things.
you're not dpresseddddd
it is a stageeeeee
I'm not going to give you a wall of text to say the same thing over and over again
its stupid that these girls who do not have kids to say this. ~_~
to assume they understand.
its ridiculous
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
also Ozair
If you don't try talking nothing will happen I swear nobody will talk to you or try to socialize with you nobody will want to invite you to things.
its pathetic but thats how people work they will never initiate.
At times being on the internet may be fun and for now it's okay because people here can relate and help you through it but you have to help yourself out of this otherwise nothing will change.
Re: How important is your social circle to you....
I see nothing wrong with being social or not being social.
I am social...love people, meeting new people and doing stuff in groups. I have a small circle of friends that are my best friends...tight and loyal. We see each other often and do emergency venting sessions regularly if one of needs to talk or just bounce ideas off...lol. I also have a larger group of friends that is not as close but fun to hang out with any day. We do brunches, potlucks, dinners out, bowling, concerts, etc.
BUT I also like alone time...have no problem shopping alone (prefer shopping alone), going to the movies alone, etc.
There's nothing wrong with either way of life. My mom is SUPER social and people adore having her around. As kids, our summer calendar was packed with my mom's social engagements. My dad is an extreme opposite where he feels no need for anyone aside from his family. They're both happy people, perfectly okay and sane.