In pure love marriages I know that somehow the couple have come to understanding despite speaking 2 different first languages.
However how important is it in arranged marriages? e.g. one who is more comfortable with english and one who is more comfortable with urdu?
I for example can speak urdu but prefer to speak english, I just really don’t understand how people like me marry and be happy with someone who for example communicates at their best in urdu.
I am not saying it is not possible…its just beyond my imagination and also previous experience when my previous baat pakki all fizzled out.
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
Like all things, it depends on the two individuals...I have a friend who is from a memon background, but her family is Urdu speaking...she had an arranged marriage with a guy from another memon family, but he does not understand a single word of Urdu, memoni only, and even that, he doesn't speak himself. English is the only language spoken in their home and is all her kids know. It's working fine for them!
I've seen another arranged marriage between an Urdu speaking & Bengali speaking family...again,all seems well!
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
e.g I am not fluent in urdu enough ( fluent enough to have basic conversation) to express anger or have banter and i can do that in english married to someone who can only express emotion/anger/banter in urdu and not in english ( but fluent enough for basic conversation)
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
Well, my English is definitely far stronger than my husband’s (he came to the US when he was 15) but my Urdu is very strong too, so it wasn’t/isn’t an issue for us. And it was a lowe marriage…so yea, I guess I’m not really helping you out much…
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
15 isn't that old its enough to pick up good enough.
I have rishta of someone who is very interested but he has only been in the US for 7 years and did all uni etc from Karachi.
My previous baat pakki was with someone similar, but we had real issues with communication he didn't understand my sarcastic english I didnt understand his teasing urdu...
I feel like saying no to this rishta just based on the fact that his urdu will be way stronger than mine and my english way stronger than his...
Inspi I married someone who is weak in English. Most of my sarcasm, teasing is beyond him. And it.took a bit of a time for.us to enjoy English movies together. I have never spoken this much Urdu in my life but you do make it work if the companionship is great.
I would advise u to talk to the guy annd see how u feel abt him. We are.a couple that had the language issue but we both have improved in the partners preferred language. Funny thing is I emphasize on speaking to our son in Urdu and Punjabi and my husband speaks to him in English.
:D
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
relative of mine got married to complete ABCD and she was frm khi.. they took time to adjust but u know, as far as the person is honest, language shouldnt be a major factor.
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
15 isn't that old its enough to pick up good enough.
*I have rishta of someone who is very interested but he has only been in the US for 7 years and did all uni etc from Karachi. *
My previous baat pakki was with someone similar, but we had real issues with communication he didn't understand my sarcastic english I didnt understand his teasing urdu...
I feel like saying no to this rishta just based on the fact that his urdu will be way stronger than mine and my english way stronger than his...
I don’t see how conversing in English can be an issue with someone living in the US for 7 years. People pick up completely foreign language in 7 years and in Pakistan kids starting learning english from primary school age.
My friend got married and moved to France some 10 years ago. She is fluent in French now and have no trouble communicating.
In your case if you get married to a Pakistani guy then you will have not one but two languages in common.
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
Inspi, start communicating with the guy. You will get to know how well does he understand you and your language in just one or two calls. If everyelse is great, language should not be a barrier. Many people are unable to understand each other despite having strong common languages. 7 years in US is a long time and he must have picked up sufficient English language skills. If US companies have hired him for jobs, he must be having good enough English speaking skills.
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
If he doesn't 'get' your tone/humour etc it's just as likely to be the fact that he's been influenced by American English and culture as it is that he was born and brought up in Pakistan.
Re: How important is language in an ARRANGED marriage?
^ how can you develop understanding without communication?
i know what you mean...it is difficult in the begining like every other thing in the first few years of the marriage to understand/adjust with eachother.....but if you two are truthfully committed to eachother then i m sure you overcome this language barrier issue 'eventually'...... the thing is you two are from the same background /culture.... and you both understand the basics of eachothers language and can explain things to each other.... patience is the key here....... i m fluent in urdu and he is in english and our was arranged marriage......we made it work ... ....
try to find if you two have similar interests and goals...... if they are then i m sure u two will find out the way to communicate with eachother..... ....
