how important is jahez?

[sheyn]

@FairyTale

^ Sach I dont understand, inhain chotee chotee cheezain maangtay hooway and yaad dillatay hooway sharam bhi nahin aathi. Like in my sis case the tissue papper box and trays

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sharam hothi tho maangthay ?***

@blackforest_360

jahez is about as important as a rusty bended spoon, those who ask for it are probably those who you want to stay away from.

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Oh but you see they never directly ask you for it…the usual line is "whatever you want to gift YOUR daughter "…

Now which parent is gonna deny their daughter basic necessities knowing that its either them that have to provide or risk having their daughter being taunted for it or even denied having access to those basic commodities !

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[blackforest_360]

Re: how important is jahez?

^

I'm giving them my daughter, aint that enough?

I probably wouldn't marry my kid into such a family anyway, who needs them.

[sheyn]

@blackforest_360

^
**
I’m giving them my daughter, aint that enough?**

I probably wouldn’t marry my kid into such a family anyway, who needs them.

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WITHOUT a Tissue paper box and centre table

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[mistral]

^ Yeah, definitely a red flag.

And I agree with falcon: What happened to male macho-ism with Pakistanis? On one hand, we have people who are like "Well, I dont want my wife to work, why does she need to?", and then we have his parents asking about for Jahez? So...I thought in Pakistani culture the husband is financially responsible...so doesn't the concept of Jahez just contradict that?

See now...you're being all LOGICAL. Stop that. It's not the done thing in desi land.

;)

[djmi]

OK so i know that the trend to give or take jahez/dowry is slowly on the decline esp for families livin in the U.S.

my question was...does the topic ever come up after marriage? i mean, if u didn't bring jahez, did MIL or hubby ever mention it during arguments etc just to spite u or hold a grudge against u. if you brought too much, did it make a difference in how "impressed" your inlaws were with you or how much they appreciate you being their bahu?

i know this SHOULDN'T matter...but i just wanna know. my mom wants to give me alotta stuff...my in laws say they don't want anything at all n are being realllly nice about it. but i'm just wondering if it will ever come up afterward and if so, how?

Yes it did come up. My ex husband mentioned it alot of times that i never brought anything, no jahez, no cash. Whatever gifts and money i got, they took them all.
pkgrl000, let your parents give you all the jahez they can. As old fashioned as it may sound your inlaws will be impressed and it will give your more izzat as their bahu. They are not demanding it, but they ARE expecting it.
So start piling up.

[blackforest_360]

@sheyn

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WITHOUT a Tissue paper box and centre table

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the hubby will make one for her with his big bi-tri ceps

[djmi]

@PyariCgudia

I have a friend whose family gave her the couples’ home as her jahez. I love that. If he screws up, she can kick him out, as the house is in her name and in her father’s name.

That poor boy doesn’t step a toe out of line. He follows her around like a devoted puppy.

Parents should be doing that more often.

[sheyn]

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And while we’re at it how about we throw in a car , yearly return tickets , and medical insurance as well as life insurance ?

Have I missed anything ?

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[liquidsnake]

Re: how important is jahez?

Totally against jaheiz and totally against people who take it as well.

Men who ask jaheiz arent man enough to buy those thing by themself or atleast not man enough to earn the money to buy it.

totally disgusting that people still ask jaheiz.

[shk_14]

Re: how important is jahez?

well i have very kind inlaws from day first they didn'nt ask a thing uptil now...............and they never will......

[CorruptAngel]

Re: how important is jahez?

This is from my personal experience so it may not be entirely true but I think if you want to know whether your in laws will be expecting jahaiz or not then you need to find out about their ethnic background. In some cultures it is a MUST thing to do and in others such as hyderabadis and gujrati's inlaws generally do not want any jahaiz.

[ShimmerV]

Re: how important is jahez?

anyone who wants jheez

[ShimmerV]

This is from my personal experience so it may not be entirely true but I think if you want to know whether your in laws will be expecting jahaiz or not then you need to find out about their ethnic background. In some cultures it is a MUST thing to do and in others such as hyderabadis and gujrati's inlaws generally do not want any jahaiz.

ahaha my inlaws are both paki hydrabadis n gujrati kathiyawaris hahaha im saved phewwww :D

[redvelvet]

Re: how important is jahez?

If a girl's parents CHOOSE (emphasis on the word, CHOOSE) to give their daugther gifts (furniture, clothes, bedding, dinnerware)...........that's fine. Many parents, irrespective of race, want their daugthers to have certain items to help her get settled in her marriage.

Parents, by nature, like to see their kids well settled. For example, the buy the necessary materials to help their kids get settled for in their college dorms. OR........they buy baby clothes/furniture/necessities when their kids are going to become parents.

Baiscally, there is absolutely nothing wrong with parents CHOOSING to help out their children. BUT..................................it's GUNNAH for the girl's parents to feel FORCED by the susraal to give jahez.

And a guy who forces his wife's parents to buy things (car, furniture, tv, etc) for him..........is not a man. He should feel ashamed of himself that he can't provide for his wife and family. I've always found it strange that such men feel ashamed if a girl pays for the meal at the end of a date...........but they don't hesitate in forcing their wife's parents to buy them necessities they should be purchasing with their own earnings.

Also.......forcing/blackmailing a girl's family for jahez goes agains the basic principles of an Islamic marriage. From the** GET-GO.......in Islam.........it is the GIRL that is given the **HAQ MEHR by the guy and his family.......that HAS to be paid by the groom. The word mehr means "gift".......so it's basically the "gift" that the bride has a right or "haq" to. There is nothing in Islam (to my knowledge)........which states that a bride and her family ARE OBLIGATED to pay the groom and his parents x amount of things in order to secure the marriage contract or to stabilize the marriage itself.

[Sara516]

Re: how important is jahez?

My parents gave alot in terms of jewelery and stuff, and I don't think they should have. I can honestly say, all teh stuff they gave my in laws has had no bearing on our relationships with each other.

[Amour]

Re: how important is jahez?

when i got married, we didnt demanded anything, accordingly we married without jahez etc. we as a family didnt have problem including my mum who is very conservative. ...
the only people who has issue with it relatives and family friends. so keep them shut, we said we just got cash even though we never really have a penny from wife side.

it proves how pathetic our society is. instead of encouraging such thing people start making fun of you.

[snowy_winter]

Re: how important is jahez?

I wouldn't want dowry from wifey. I would actually prefer if her parents don't give anything besides their prayers and love and well wishes to us.

[hitchki]

Re: how important is jahez?

only poor people don't give jahaz. I read that somewhere.

[Ma_Mooli]

Jahez is culturally between the parents and the girl, what they give to their daughter is none of the inlaws business, let alone have the gall to demand. If anything it is the girl who can demand the haq mahar, and the boys responisblilty to give in the form that was agreed by the girls family in the time specified.

Why do the girls family sell themselves short by listening to the inlaws/relatives/society? Should a MIL ever taunt a girl for not bringing anything in jahez, her response should always be, that jahez is a gift solely for her and that shes happy with it, why should anyone else have a problem.. As for the other needs, well Allah (swt) has given her husband to provide them.

[snowy_winter]

only poor people don't give jahaz. I read that somewhere.

Must have read that somewhere in the Moron's Digest of the Most Backward People.