Re: how important is jahez?
If a girl's parents CHOOSE (emphasis on the word, CHOOSE) to give their daugther gifts (furniture, clothes, bedding, dinnerware)...........that's fine. Many parents, irrespective of race, want their daugthers to have certain items to help her get settled in her marriage.
Parents, by nature, like to see their kids well settled. For example, the buy the necessary materials to help their kids get settled for in their college dorms. OR........they buy baby clothes/furniture/necessities when their kids are going to become parents.
Baiscally, there is absolutely nothing wrong with parents CHOOSING to help out their children. BUT..................................it's GUNNAH for the girl's parents to feel FORCED by the susraal to give jahez.
And a guy who forces his wife's parents to buy things (car, furniture, tv, etc) for him..........is not a man. He should feel ashamed of himself that he can't provide for his wife and family. I've always found it strange that such men feel ashamed if a girl pays for the meal at the end of a date...........but they don't hesitate in forcing their wife's parents to buy them necessities they should be purchasing with their own earnings.
Also.......forcing/blackmailing a girl's family for jahez goes agains the basic principles of an Islamic marriage. From the** GET-GO.......in Islam.........it is the GIRL that is given the **HAQ MEHR by the guy and his family.......that HAS to be paid by the groom. The word mehr means "gift".......so it's basically the "gift" that the bride has a right or "haq" to. There is nothing in Islam (to my knowledge)........which states that a bride and her family ARE OBLIGATED to pay the groom and his parents x amount of things in order to secure the marriage contract or to stabilize the marriage itself.