recently a girl I met thru work got engaged to a guy her family introduced her to. her baat pakki happened a couple of few weeks ago and last sunday they came to her house for a small party and she was expecting to be given a ring by her fiance… he didn’t give her one and now she’s really quite upset over it. she said she doesn’t feel engaged cos she doesn’t have anything on her finger. she announced her engagement at work by bringing in a box of chocs and the other girls immediately looked at her hand to see her ring… but of course she wasn’t wearing one and that upset her even more. she doesn’t know how to approach her fiance about this and feels that she shouldn’t have to tell him that he should be giving her a ring. she doesn’t feel right asking him for a ring
soo my question to u ladies is how would u feel in this situation? would it bother u and how would u handle it?
for those of u who have engagement rings pls describe it and post a pic if u have one!
Because her thing is arranged, I don't know what to say. Things are a bit more complicated in arranged settings.
I would talk to the guy. Ask how he feels about engagement rings and tell him that I like the idea. Maybe he has something in mind about when to get her an engagement ring - A friend of mine got hers months after their engagement, mostly because they wanted to order it and get it done the exactly how she wanted it. Maybe is not a norm in his family. She can just ask him if there is a certain norm in his family regarding engagement rings/other jewellery. When my cousin got engaged, they got her a necklace. They didn't believe in rings, so she never had one. But this was in Pakistan, about a decade ago.
Personally, I like them. I especially would want my guy to wear a ring. The possessive me wants to see him looking like he is alll mine! Hehe. And the idea of a ring on my finger feels like, every time I'd look at it, it would remind me of the love. :)
I agree Curious Lady! It is a difficult situation, particularly as she has been introduced to him via family...my ring is extrememely important to me for the ultimate reason that it reminds me of 'Him' and our relationship :) He's now so used to his ring that he says he feels weird now when he's not wearing it! Ill post pics of mine after this...and my adorable ring cushion my darling Mum made for me :)
I don't have one so I guess not that important to me. Ours was not arranged though. It did get annoying when, on hearing that I was engaged, people immediately asked where my ring was. We do have wedding bands though, which I chose and they are important to us. We always wear them.
tell her to get herself one. then when the guys sees it and asks her, she can say that everyone was asking to see her engagment ring and since she didnt get one, she got one herself!
that will get the message through to him. and put him to shame!lol!
VERY important. arranged or not arranged. I think these days a ring does signify a big importance in the 'engagment' period. I would like one. And its natural the first thing when you tell someone your engaged they wanna see the ring. My bf gave me a ring for my 18th and told me to wear it on my 'married' finger. But i refused because im not ENGAGED YET!!! so its a huge importance!
I think it depends on the situation. Sometimes couples can decide together that they want to wait till the wedding to get their rings, other want it at the Nikah and engagement or however they decide to do it. It doesn't HAVE to be right at the engagement, but I definitely can understand the feeling of when you first announce your engagement and people ask to see your hand. She can just explain, that they're waiting to do the ring exchange at the wedding and its normal in her culture. I can see only goray people getting a little weirded out by that but generally, I don't think people will care. Depends on her circle I guess.
If he didn't get her a ring right now, there must be a reason right? Maybe he can't afford it but plans on doing it later on or for whatever reason it is, I mean I don't see the harm in talking to him about it. That way he'll know how she feels and, she'll know his side. If its completely arranged and shes afraid to bring it up...then I guess she'll just have to wait till the wedding to see what she gets. I mean what other choice does she have right?
We did our ring exchange at our Nikah, my fiance to feels weird with out his he says. I didn't pick out my ring because I wanted it to be a surprise so I left it up to him and he was happy that he was able to pick it out himself as well because he wanted to design it himself. I thought it was more special that way too, not knowing how it looked. Since I already knew I was getting mine, there was no surprise about that for me but I had made him think he was only going to get his at the wedding. He was okay with that but then when I surprised him at our Nikah with his, he was really happy. I thought it was special because he was so surprised. He loved his and I loved mine. :)
Oh and as for me, I will have to get an engagement ring. It's been a childhood dream of mine and I think it's not important but having one just makes everything so much more fun.
yh i think u girls are right, her speaking to her fiance is the best way to deal with it but its the fact that its an arranged marriage thats making it awkward for her to broach the topic. she doesnt want to come across as a 'gold digger' and already asking for a diamond ring. i told her to just go out and buy one herself but she said it wouldnt feel as special... i really think maybe he's clueless about this cos its not the fact he cant afford it
I got one but don't wear it everyday as an engagement ring. It's not a big deal for me to wear it. I also told everyone about my engagement and whenever someone asked why I'm not wearing a ring, I told them because I don't have to. It's not a must in our culture to wear it. It's just something we picked up from other cultures. But I was very happy to get one just because :)
On the other hand my fiance also got one and does wear it. He told me he always wanted one and was so glad when he got it. lol
BTW we were arranged and the rings were given by the parents.
For me, I have realized that rings really dont mean anything or make a relationship any more or less special.
They hold just about as much significance as YOU give them.
If his family doesnt do engagement rings, its more than okay. My best friend didnt have a ring when she got married…his family didnt do any type of rings at all so no wedding band either! They are the happiest couple I know to date. He got her a diamond and a gorgeous band on year 5…surprised her. SHe complained a bit to me but not much because he was so good to her. MY other best friend had the tiniest tiniest tiniest of all solitaires ever and a simple band…again…another very happy couple Mashallah.
When I compare their rings/their simple beginnings to what I had (2.5 carats) when I got married and how things ended up for me…
Tell your friend that if she has a good man to count her blessings and forget the ring. It means nothing.
I would like some sort of engagement ring to show I'm engaged, but as others have said its not how big and flashy the ring is, its the person you are marrying thats important.
For me, I have realized that rings really dont mean anything or make a relationship any more or less special.
They hold just about as much significance as YOU give them.
If his family doesnt do engagement rings, its more than okay. My best friend didnt have a ring when she got married...his family didnt do any type of rings at all so no wedding band either! They are the happiest couple I know to date. He got her a diamond and a gorgeous band on year 5...surprised her. SHe complained a bit to me but not much because he was so good to her. MY other best friend had the tiniest tiniest tiniest of all solitaires ever and a simple band...again...another very happy couple Mashallah.
When I compare their rings/their simple beginnings to what I had (2.5 carats) when I got married and how things ended up for me...
Tell your friend that if she has a good man to count her blessings and forget the ring. It means nothing.
