how hard do you need to work for marriage

Lifestyle Relationships
41

Re: how hard do you need to work for marriage

p.s he should not force you to wear a scarf, i think hijaab is a personal thing..
it's like you forcing him to have a beard etc, if it isnt done with the correct intention there is no point to an action....

42

Re: how hard do you need to work for marriage

OOh what a big deal! Boo. Its not like he is asking you to dive into the river or something. Covering your head is not a bad thing, its actually a GOOD thing. Btw, mizzrani, hit the nail on the head. Its ok for you to ask him to do something but not otherwise?

Btw, it probably is your hormones talking. When i was pregnant, i remember once i started crying in the middle of a residential street while my husband and i were walking at about 10 at night. It was pretty awkward for him and he couldnt get me out of there soon enough, lol. Pregnancy hormones can do a number on you, so hang in there for the next few months and beyond.

43

Exactly. this is why I run the other way when I see a guy with a beard. I don't even bother entertaining them for rishtaa purposes or friendship purposes, because I know how they think, and I'm not into the whole "Let's be morons but show the world how religious we are by growing some facial hair".

44

Re: how hard do you need to work for marriage

since being married i haven't felt the need to work hard at our 'marriage'.

...things have just kind of fallen into place just as before.

45

life is tough and it will be so deal with it ...

it may sound very rude but there are lots of girls out there who would happily cover their head or do whatever their husband wants if only they get a chance to get married.

so appreciate the fact that u have a husband ... who is caring and loving and does what you want ....

46

he already has a beard , and why do the 2 go together ? where beard is sunnah strong sunnah ... hijab is strict fardh .....

47

Does this mean that all men with facial hair are not religious?

48

How can you judge someone on the basis of having a beard? You cannot know how all men with beards think.

It's like saying all girls in hijaab are ultra pious.

49

Just like wearing sleeveless shirts and tight jeans does not make anyone educated/open-minded, just having beard does not make anyone narrow minded.

Although I agree that one should get the relationships (friendships or otherwise) going to alike people

50

he asked me nicely to do it, t wear duppata on head, i did say i dont like it, he said its not about liking it, your now representing my family( something like that), he never said wear it, but i wore it to save more headache. he wouldnt ever make me wear it, he probly would just sulk/not talk whatever......i went silent after that, he asked meab kya hua`..i remained silent. and i dont wish to talk to him. in fact i know this sounds silly, or small, or childish, but over this i could easily leave him/not talk to him again...i can grow resentment very easily..and i dont wish to explain to him that im resenting him..cos he should know if hes making me do something i dont like its a matter of time/fact that i may lose love for him.....

so what now?What should i do..i would in his defence like to say, hes otherwise a prettty decent husband. thats it.

51

^Do his mum, sisters etc. wear it? Could you not get your mum or dad to have a quiet word with him and tell him it makes u a bit uncomfortable or would that upset him too much? That's prob what I'd do if I was in ur situation but I guess it depends on how the guy would react as well..

52

no, i cannot ask my parents at all. it wouldnt work. and yes his sis and mum cover but thats because they live in pakistan. so its prob their culture. he doesnt really care much, cos his dad doesnt tell his wife to cover, and his sister will most likely do whatever her future husband says. so the attention is all on me as im his wife....

53

Re: how hard do you need to work for marriage

nadz i think you should be thankful for having such a caring husband. But with this behavior, you are being very ungrateful. Just think about those girls wanting to get married but can't find a decent match and those who got divorced because their husband didn't treat them well. Your husband is very caring. just like he sacrifices for you, you should also sacrifice for him, and sacrifice does mean doing something for your spouse which YOU DONT WANT.

It's not a big deal to wear a scarf. Infact consider yourself lucky that your husband is not only supporting you in this worldly life but also leading you in a religious manner and trying to save you from punishments of hereafter.

Plz make dua to Allah. All these thoughts are coming from shaitan. Make Dua to Allah to save you from shaitan's evil whispers.

54

Re: how hard do you need to work for marriage

^ It's easy to say that if ur used to covering ur head but most of us aren't and the argument that she is lucky she has a husband at all when there are other girls who are still looking is a bit bizarre imo.. He could have said 'I'd prefer u to wear it but if/when u feel ready inshAllah' or something, that would have been a compromise..

To a lot of us wearing dupatta or hijab would be a big deal and I actually know a girl who turned down a proposal from a guy she quite liked because he wanted her to wear hijab. Better to wear it of ur own free will rather than be pushed into it and end up resenting ur husband (or parents in some cases)..

55

why is life for girls soooo hell bent on just being married.

56

agreed. i wish i could agree with burqan too, i do. but it doesnt make me feel any better. im actually not even talking to him. its only been a day.hell.
so what to do, shall i do what he says and continue to ignore him, or do whatever i want, and then see what happens....i dunno......i want to do whatever he says but ignore him, keep quiet, not be my normal bubbly self, so he will realise hmself. rather than argue/fight/go against him and just come off worse...:

57

And what do you want to accomplish with the "ignoring?" Giving him the cold should is not going to "resolve" the issue. The silent treatment might make him back off a bit temporarily....and then he might bring up the topic again in the near future. And you'll be back to square one.

I don't do hijab, but I don't think that wearing it makes one paindu or backward or less modern. At the same time, I feel that religious practices should be done with sincerity. When practices are imposed, it can lead to resentment. Your husband needs to understand this, faith needs to be sincere. Would it make him happy to know that you're following a practice begrudgingly? Is there reward in that? It's not only our actions, but our faith and intentions behind our actions which are ALSO looked at.

If he wanted a hijabi girl, then he should have married one. People sometimes think that "Oh my partner will change/compromise/come around after marriage." That doesn't always happen and not necessarily with ever issue or request. You need to talk to him calmly about this issue, Nadz. If you ignore him/use emotional blackmail to get him to give into you, that's a just a temporary quick-fix. It won't last.

Figure out why you don't want to hijab, maybe you need to analyze yourself. Research the Islamic stance on the issue to get some understanding about it. And then discuss the issue with him. Calmly.

58

Re: how hard do you need to work for marriage

i think your hormones are taking over. not talking to him won't solve anything. you said that he's not forcing you, he's not even telling you to wear a dupatta, he's asking you to. try to stay calm.

you can either cover your hair and complain about it, or talk to your husband. his reason is that you are representing his family. you said that you try to dress modest. so tell him that you are representing his family well and this is the best you can do for now. tell him that covering your hair is not a matter of representing his family only, it is also involves being sincere to it. if you cover your hair at one place, then take it off at another place, or in your heart you hate it- you're making hijab a joke. tell him that he's caring, he's doing a good job dealing with your pregnancy, and you hope he understands. if you think there is a remote chance you might cover your hair in the future, then give him some hope and say that when your will becomes strong enough, you'll cover your hair for the RIGHT reasons inshAllah, then it will be more rewarding too.

59

Re: how hard do you need to work for marriage

very hard:

you need to look like Shah Rukh Khan
you need to have money like Roman Abramowitsch (Owner of FC Chelsea, Premier League, Football)
you need to have a Body like Christiano Ronaldo (do I have to explain who this is?)

60

Re: how hard do you need to work for marriage

^ And the face of Cristiano as well (wayy better looking than SRK imo)