at times i feel like even the most smallest of things makes me want to yell at him and tell him to leave me alone for good. hes a nice guy, all round good person and yes i do love him, however i find, prob now im expecting, my hormones are all over the place, so anything him asking me to do riles me.
he only asks one thing of me…hes even ready to iron, wash, do all the housework if am not feeling too good, or even if i complain of a small headache he will get up and do everything himself…
the only thing he expects me to do is cover my head when we go out to someones out,…and this riles me…its not too much of a demand, and its only a duppatta not scarf, but i get really moody inside and want to thump him one. am i being out of order…i feel like when i see my cousins they are not covering their heads with duppattas, so why should i…and i was seen as the more independent kuri…and now look at me..]
Hmmmm..i dont think the issue is “hijab” itself as much as being oversensitive about a seemingly small thing. Nadz knows her husband is a nice guy and like she said its not too much fo a demand…but i know how it is when its not even a small demand and it gets to you–
I’m the same way when my MIL (or anyone besides my mom) tells me to do something…its not a big deal but it still bugs me, and I hate that it bothers me so much. I dont say anything to anybody but inside my head I’ll be riled up.
I stil haven’t been able to figure out why it bothers me so much, wheN i do come up with a solution…ill let u know
No, no, wait. This is not about you being over-sensitive. Did you cover your head before you were married? How do you feel about it?
If it is not something you are okay doing, which you clearly aren't, you should talk to him about it. It is possible that by the end of the conversation (or a couple), either you will feel that you're willing to do this for him, or he will feel that he shouldn't force you to do this against your wish.
He sounds like a great guy, and you deserve a husband who cares about you. Forcing one person to do something against their wish is not right. If you force him to do stuff that he doesn't like, then that is the norm of the relationship. But in my opinion, it shouldn't be that way. It may just be his only wish, but even then, forcing the other person is the first step towards breading resentment - which KILLS relationships.
let teh poor guy live ... and have one thing .... hes doing so much for u rite now and the only thing he asks u is to cover ur head ... i mean c'monnnn ... like seriously .... i am with bbq on this one ur makin a big deal outta nothing
To answer your title: (How hard do you have to work in your marriage) Very hard.
The funny part is that one spouse always expects the other to work hard. nadz, I see where you are coming from but when you get married you cannot be the same "independent" person you used to be, otherwise you would just be 2 roomates doing your own thing. You have to change for each other. Nobody can be exactly how they were before they got married and unfortunately a lot of relationships become sour because we are unable to adjust.
let teh poor guy live ... and have one thing .... hes doing so much for u rite now and the only thing he asks u is to cover ur head ... i mean c'monnnn ... like seriously .... i am with bbq on this one ur makin a big deal outta nothing
yeah, the husband is doing so much right now but it's not like she's not doing anything. she's pregnant, going through a lot of physical and emotional changes, and she's going to pop out a baby... i think the hubby would prefer doing the housework over what she's going through.
nadz, it sounds like you have a really sweet and adoring husband. at least you acknowledge everything that he's doing for you, so you'll manage to control those mood swings and hormones. if he expects you to do hijab, you need to explain to him that hijab cannot be forced upon you. a husband cannot force his wife to do hijab or to take it off. likewise, a husband probably wouldn't want to be forced by a wife to grow a beard or to shave it off. have an open mind, sit down with him, ask him why he wants you to cover your hair- let him give the religious/cultural/family reasons. consider it, but if you still don't want to, then tell him that if you cover your hair because he wants you to, you won't be doing it for the right reasons.
maybe its all the emotions im feeling with the pregnancy, i find myself crying now for no reason, well actually began when i asked my bro in law whose a dear friend, whether he would expect or insist his wife to wear duppatta, he said no, in fact all men i know dont do that. so it made me cry thinking i had to have the husband who does. its just getting me down. im not enjoying married life the way i thought id be.....honeymoon period isnt even over yet and here i am....
Does he force you to do this? If no, covering your head is not a lot to do to keep happy otherwise a nice guy.
Marriage is a name of give and take. I am really fed up of people who relate every single mole to the "issue of independence". I am sure if he finds you nice (just like you do), he will scarify (or give up) things here and there for you.
If one want to remain stiff head after marraige unwilling to listen to partner and compromise (or let go) these small issues, God help them !
maybe its all the emotions im feeling with the pregnancy, i find myself crying now for no reason, well actually began when i asked my bro in law whose a dear friend, whether he would expect or insist his wife to wear duppatta, he said no, in fact all men i know dont do that. so it made me cry thinking i had to have the husband who does. its just getting me down. im not enjoying married life the way i thought id be.....honeymoon period isnt even over yet and here i am....
are you seriously going to base the rest of your married life and its success on this one request from him?
You will face far more challenges in married life and I really don't see how this request from him should depress you further.
Don't focus on it. Instead, I would start asking him to change things about the way he dresses and see how he likes it (if it is such a BIG issue)
he doesnt exaclty force me, and its only when we go to peoples house. he will say duppata sar pe karo na and il do it begrudgingly...most of the time he will say cover ur head its so cold outside but its his way if making me cover it..i wore a hat because it was cold and he didnt say anything about that. but to go someones house i doubt he is saying it cos of the cold. its njsut the wya he is. the way he dresses is fine, the only thing he doesnt like is wearing red, and i cant make him wear that cos its besides the point of what im saying. he used to have a longer beard, scrufy, i told him it looks better neat and trimmed, so now he does that, however i think he does it maybe because he thinks it looks good.
see difference is, i want him to look good, so why shud he complain.....i feel he wants me to look like a paindu with my head covered, so of course i have problem especially when i see no other female in my fmaily with duppata on head...
see difference is, i want him to look good, so why shud he complain.....i feel he wants me to look like a paindu with my head covered, so of course i have problem especially when i see no other female in my fmaily with duppata on head...
so covering head = paindo WOW ... I have lot to catch up since returning from mars :)
Secondly, (for me) its not the matter of WHY asking its matter of WHO is asking ...
Nadz, if you really do think its so paindu then you need to make it clear to your husband that you don’t want to cover your head and stop crying about it.
ohh no, dont think ive explained myself very well. :
I MEANT, thats possibly how i feel, and i see lots of girls either from here or back home who do not cover their heads and their husbands like them looking good/modern etc. i dont wear short sleeves as such or tight clothes as such, so its not like he NEEDS to ask me for that.
sorry decent-what did u mean WHO IS ASKING..you mean i should do it because its the husband asking me to..and not ask WHY.
ohh no, dont think ive explained myself very well. :
I MEANT, thats possibly how i feel, and i see lots of girls either from here or back home who do not cover their heads and their husbands like them looking good/modern etc. i dont wear short sleeves as such or tight clothes as such, so its not like he NEEDS to ask me for that.
sorry decent-what did u mean WHO IS ASKING..you mean i should do it because its the husband asking me to..and not ask WHY.
That is correct. you also have to give weight to WHO is talking in addition to WHAT he/she is talking.
