Did you know this was going to be a demand of his when you were thinking of whether to marry the guy? Or this requirement to cover your head is new?
This is a serious issue. People's religious opinions change, and one day, your husband might be the guy who likes to go bowling and drink a beer with his buddies, and the next minute, he's the dude that will yell at you for not wearing a burqa.
Bottom line, any religious activity needs to come from your heart. If your heart is not into that hijab, then wearing it is only satisfying him, and not God. You need to explain that to him. If he's happy subjecting you to something, that isn't going to get him or you any sawaab at the end of the day, then just live and let live.
Just talk to him, and tell him you are not ok with it. In exchange if he wants to quit doing the dishes, he is more than welcome.
BTW, what would happen if one day you guys were out and he asked you to cover your head and you looked at his face and literally said "no"?
I went to jummah namaaz this past Friday, and every Friday after prayers there is a mini-bazaar outside. People come and sell things, and everyone socializes on the lawn. Problem is that the males dominate the bazaar area as it is near the door they exit from and these moronic women stand behind a FENCE and just stare longingly at the food, sending their requests by their sons or their brothers or husbands or dads. Meanwhile these SAME LADIES openly work with men in offices, go to school with boys, some of these girls have bf's which I know for a fact. So why the drama?
I actually walk past the fence and right into the little bazaar without my head covered. I mean, I walk outside the masjid in normal life without a dupatta on my head in the midst of men, so why can't I do that with a bunch of old bearded uncles standing in line to get chicken tikka?
So anyway, this one old man this past Friday came wobbling towards me motioning towards his head. He looked quite freaked out and frightened for me. I looked at him, shrugged, and said "no thank-you". He motioned again, panicking even more. I looked at him, shook my head, and walked on.
It's fine. If you don't want to do something, then don't do it. If you do it because of societal pressure, I don't really think it counts in God's eyes anyways.
You don't wanna do it, don't do it.. what's the point of doing something if it's being force on you.. It's better to take your time to read Islam properly and follow it from your heart.. wonder why he insists on you to cover your head.. more than religion, I bet he is worried about what his chacha, mama would think if you wont cover your head.
some people are saying that you have to compromise... but i disagree, because covering one's hair is beyond a compromise. a compromise would be a change in one's personality. if someone is impatient before marriage, they become more patient afterwards. if a wife didn't cook as much before, she'll cook more later on. or if a wife has kids, she'll give up her job and stay at home with the kids. those are more like compromises that are made to make a marriage and family work. wearing or not wearing a duppata, in my opinion, does not make a successful marriage. it's a decision that is religious in nature and has to be made with the right intentions, not because she's being pressured by her husband and has to please him since he's doing all the housework or to please his relatives. if her heart isn't into this and she later on decides to not do hijab, it's Allah who's going to judge her in the end, not her husband or the relatives. all the husband can do is explain his reasonings for why he wants her to cover her hair and the decision is hers in the end. likewise, if she thought a trimmed beard look nicer, it was the husband's own decision if he wanted to trim it and it's Allah who will judge him.
i will also add this nadz, that covering your hair will not make you a "paindu." there are plenty of "modern" girls who cover their hair, are educated and successful. is someone decides to do hijab out of their own free will, their independence is not decreased.
You don't wanna do it, don't do it.. what's the point of doing something if it's being force on you.. It's better to take your time to read Islam properly and follow it from your heart.. wonder why he insists on you to cover your head.. more than religion, I bet he is worried about what his chacha, mama would think if you wont cover your head.
Does he make you cover your hair if you are going to the grocery store or post office or something? If not - and it is ONLY when you go to someone's house.... then I think Mc12IT is right.... he probably cares about what other people will think. And that is not the right reason for him to even expect you to cover your head. It should be a personal decision .... not a demand that causes you stress. That is IMO. Others are free to disagree. And as PCG said....is this something you were aware of before you married him? If it isn't - then it is even more an unfair thing and it makes complete sense that you are feeling the way you are . I would feel the same way if I post-marriage my hubby asked me to do that.... because as of now, my fiance is totally fine with me not covering my head an its a complete non-issue. He has even said that he would never ask me to do that ...and if I choose to later on in life.. it will be my decision alone. So obviously if he goes back on his own words... that will cause me grief and sadness.
And yea ... from what I have heard ... one needs to work hard for marriage. And a really important element is for the partners in life to be on the same page about stuff and be vocal about their feelings and such. If one person isnt willing to listen ..or one person isn't willing to talk it out... then there are issues. Without these steps, then you can't even work towards compromise.
Listen girl! I just went through all the replies I got here and I believe some of them are going to rile u even more!
ITS the harmones! Trust me, that’s all there is to it. Iv been there done that. U admit its no big deal and what he’s asking for is actually a good thing!even if u r not doing it for the rihgt reason, (though doing something for a loved one isn’t a bad reason either) it still is good.
I personally believe marriage is hard work n the notion of marriage has been romanticized for nothing! There’s very little romance to it
I don’t Think u should talk to him about it. Remember your harmones are in control right now n you might end up creating bigger problems instead of solving the minor one at hand. Try to focus on the good things he does for u and better still surprise him with a headscarf once in a while. You won’t look paindu, they look good on most women!
BTW, what would happen if one day you guys were out and he asked you to cover your head and you looked at his face and literally said "no"?
I went to jummah namaaz this past Friday, and every Friday after prayers there is a mini-bazaar outside. People come and sell things, and everyone socializes on the lawn. Problem is that the males dominate the bazaar area as it is near the door they exit from and these moronic women stand behind a FENCE and just stare longingly at the food, sending their requests by their sons or their brothers or husbands or dads. Meanwhile these SAME LADIES openly work with men in offices, go to school with boys, some of these girls have bf's which I know for a fact. So why the drama?
I actually walk past the fence and right into the little bazaar without my head covered. I mean, I walk outside the masjid in normal life without a dupatta on my head in the midst of men, so why can't I do that with a bunch of old bearded uncles standing in line to get chicken tikka?
So anyway, this one old man this past Friday came wobbling towards me motioning towards his head. He looked quite freaked out and frightened for me. I looked at him, shrugged, and said "no thank-you". He motioned again, panicking even more. I looked at him, shook my head, and walked on.
It's fine. If you don't want to do something, then don't do it. If you do it because of societal pressure, I don't really think it counts in God's eyes anyways.
That's funny! i kind of agree with you but a while back i went to pick up my daighter from a religious centre after quran class and I briefly spoke to the imam about how she was getting on. I didn't cover my head because I don't normally and didn't want to be a hypocrite. well the next friday sermon the imaam gave was all about purdah and my husband reckoned the imaam was looking straight at him whilst giving it!!
so now i just be a hypocrite and cover my head when I pick her up.
^ Well, you have to use a common sense here.. you are going to the mosque/religious centre you heve to respect it.. tomoroww anyone can go up there in a skirt because thats what they wear every day.. come on now!
lol even a non muslim woman would cover their head if they went into a masjid. It's NOT called being a hypocrite, it's about respecting the place your going to and having respect for the people there.
It's walking into a chinese person's house with shoes on.
nadz, are you considering wearing hijab in future? because if you do then talk with your hubby and tell him you need more time to understand what hijab is all about etc. i dont see any point in wearing it if you dont feel for it or know what its all aout.
There is nothing 'paindu' about wearing hijab, but since you feel that you are forced to do it, you feel 'paindu'.
Listen girl! I just went through all the replies I got here and I believe some of them are going to rile u even more!
ITS the harmones! Trust me, that's all there is to it*.* Iv been there done that. U admit its no big deal and what he's asking for is actually a good thing!even if u r not doing it for the rihgt reason, (though doing something for a loved one isn't a bad reason either) it still is good.
I personally believe marriage is hard work n the notion of marriage has been romanticized for nothing! There's very little romance to it :)
I don't Think u should talk to him about it. Remember your harmones are in control right now n you might end up creating bigger problems instead of solving the minor one at hand. Try to focus on the good things he does for u and better still surprise him with a headscarf once in a while. You won't look paindu, they look good on most women!
u r right...
Nadz.. u r newly married... and now u r pregnant.... two big changes in your life and it is not quite easy to adjust in the beginging...
try to enjoy ur pregnancy...
everybody ignored the fact that her husband had a long beard before and she asked him tot rim it and so he did.
so before she got married she obviously knew he was a practising muslim due to the beard and im sure u would expect a man who has a beard to atleast ask him wife to cover her head....
i wish girls would actually think abt other than designer lenghas before they get married....
surely it is her choice whether she choses to cover or not!
And if he is doing the dishes and housework - so? relationships are equal and need to be managed as such. The fact that your husband is prepared to do the housework or may help around the home - shouldnt be seen as how wonderful he is, it is his home as well as your, both are responsible! Is he grateful for how much you do around the home!
Yes very silly.
What if ur husband was like "I was a free guy, now look at me, I gotta do the dishes"
everybody ignored the fact that her husband had a long beard before and she asked him tot rim it and so he did.
so before she got married she obviously knew he was a practising muslim due to the beard and im sure u would expect a man who has a beard to atleast ask him wife to cover her head....
i wish girls would actually think abt other than designer lenghas before they get married....
he doesnt exaclty force me, and its only when we go to peoples house. he will say duppata sar pe karo na and il do it begrudgingly...most of the time he will say cover ur head its so cold outside but its his way if making me cover it..i wore a hat because it was cold and he didnt say anything about that. but to go someones house i doubt he is saying it cos of the cold. its njsut the wya he is. the way he dresses is fine, the only thing he doesnt like is wearing red, and i cant make him wear that cos its besides the point of what im saying. he used to have a longer beard, scrufy, i told him it looks better neat and trimmed, so now he does that, however i think he does it maybe because he thinks it looks good.
see difference is, i want him to look good, so why shud he complain.....i feel he wants me to look like a paindu with my head covered, so of course i have problem especially when i see no other female in my fmaily with duppata on head...
so...what abt HIS family...sisters/mom/bhabhis etc? do they cover their head. if so, you should have known he was eventually going to ask you the same before marriage. plus, dupatta on head isn't really hijab. it only covers half your head. maybe you should sit down with him and explain that wearing dupatta is just a cultural thing and since i'm assumin you're in the us or grew up outside pak, you'd rather skip that and go for a full islamic hijab WHEN you are ready for it. having this discussion may actually help him realize that you are seriously thinking about religion and hijab and the reason for it. it might be enough for him to then let you choose on your own when and whether you want to cover the proper islamic way.
maybe its all the emotions im feeling with the pregnancy, i find myself crying now for no reason, well actually began when i asked my bro in law whose a dear friend, whether he would expect or insist his wife to wear duppatta, he said no, in fact all men i know dont do that. so it made me cry thinking i had to have the husband who does. its just getting me down. im not enjoying married life the way i thought id be.....honeymoon period isnt even over yet and here i am....
Have you ever said an outright 'no' or do u go along with it all the time.. am just wondering what his reaction is to the 'no'? I wouldn't wear it if future hubby asked even tho my mum covers (not just dupatta, proper hijab), I just wouldn't feel comfortable..
