I’m currently in confusion as to if they treat them same.. Or not.. Cause things have been good for me mostly. But I feel that my elder sister in law is given an edge regardless of her bad behaviour.
They are lovely decent people. But it’s still hurting me.
Like before her marriage she was taken to dubai for shopping..
While no one offered me so I have decided to go on my own.
They didn’t even offer me any financial help.. While for her my mil went and made her do all the shopping.
I don’t have to have eyes on anyone’s money.. But shouldn’t I get the same treatment? Or am I being shallow and money hungry?
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
only your husband is legally and religiously responsible for your genuine/valid expenses. no one else is. accept whatever little they do for you and move on. expectations lead to heartbreaks.
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
But shouldn't I get the same treatment? Or am I being shallow and money hungry?
No...not when it comes to money. The only thing your in-laws owe you is respect and since you described them as "lovely decent people".....it sounds like they're polite/respectful towards you. They can spend their money however they choose....even if that means spending it on another bahu. In my opinion, you have no right to feel entitled to shopping trips or any other financial help from them.
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
You're not being shallow or hungry. You're basically allowing shaitan to poison your heart toward in-laws by entertaining these thoughts. The longer you dwell on them....the greater the potential for you to express those thoughts to your husband...and potentially strain your marriage. Such unhealthy and unproductive dwellings happen to all of us...even to the best of us....and it's better to seek refuge from shaitan and redirect your thoughts and energies.
Have you read some of the scary threads in this forum? If your in-laws respect you, give you privacy in your marriage, do not scheme against you, do not complain about you to your husband, do not try to turn husband against you, do not spread malicious gossip about you, do not steal from you, do not prevent you from speaking to your parents or visiting them, do not disrespect your parents, and do not severely restrict you or impose upon you..............Allah ka shukar karo cuz it's more than enough. And Allah ka shukar karo that He has made you and your parents financially sufficient to where you don't need to depend upon anyone for monetary help...especially in-laws and this is a huge blessing that keeps a person's izzat or dignity.
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
Thank you all so much. After I posted here.. Started thinking about this... And i am very wrong and I'm blessed that I am going from my own hard earned money. I saved three years for this trip.
Shaitan was indeed trying to spoil my relations and plant sour feelings.
But if my husband gives me money to spend that's ok right??
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
Since you are at the early stages of OMG-WHY-MY-INLWAS-ARE-NOT-RUDE-TO-ME-I-SHOULD-FIND-SOMETHING-syndrom, Id advise that you keep these thought out of your mind and shut the door for these thoughts.
you dont know their relationship with your sister in law. It might have happened that their relationship with her was more developed at the time of her Nikkah than with you. There can be any reason or may be she is just her favourite. As long as they are not treating you bad, they are good in-laws.
What is saanwali. Heard that term. Means fair?
Its good you got into arranged marriage warna aap k tu baladkar he ho jata :)
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
I'm currently in confusion as to if they treat them same.. Or not.. Cause things have been good for me mostly. But I feel that my elder sister in law is given an edge regardless of her bad behaviour.
They are lovely decent people. But it's still hurting me.
Like before her marriage she was taken to dubai for shopping..
While no one offered me so I have decided to go on my own.
They didn't even offer me any financial help.. While for her my mil went and made her do all the shopping.
I don't have to have eyes on anyone's money.. But shouldn't I get the same treatment? Or am I being shallow and money hungry?
Maybe they didn't offer and your sil herself asked (or pushed) to go to Dubai to shop? Or maybe her family footed some of the bill?
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
You're not being shallow or hungry. You're basically allowing shaitan to poison your heart toward in-laws by entertaining these thoughts. The longer you dwell on them....the greater the potential for you to express those thoughts to your husband...and potentially strain your marriage. Such unhealthy and unproductive dwellings happen to all of us...even to the best of us....and it's better to seek refuge from shaitan and redirect your thoughts and energies.
Have you read some of the scary threads in this forum? If your in-laws respect you, give you privacy in your marriage, do not scheme against you, do not complain about you to your husband, do not try to turn husband against you, do not spread malicious gossip about you, do not steal from you, do not prevent you from speaking to your parents or visiting them, do not disrespect your parents, and do not severely restrict you or impose upon you..............Allah ka shukar karo cuz it's more than enough. And Allah ka shukar karo that He has made you and your parents financially sufficient to where you don't need to depend upon anyone for monetary help...especially in-laws and this is a huge blessing that keeps a person's izzat or dignity.
Well said!!!
Do Allah ka Shukr if ur inlaws r nice people. The rest is all material things n not imporatant.
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
To be honest, money wise - I wouldn't want any of that. I'd rather have my husband spend money on a trip or my shopping than my in-laws. I think in terms of treatment if they are kind towards you and treat you with love then that's all that matters.
At the end of the day, it's very tough to treat two people exactly the same, even sometimes a mother may not be able to do it with 2 kids, so just don't take it to heart.
As long as they care about you and your husband loves you, that's all that matters. Also, don't compare yourself to your bhabhi and try not to harbor any resentment in your heart, it just makes relations sour over time. Be thankful that you have in-laws who do that much for their bahus. :)
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
Alhamdulillaha, your concerns are more materialistic... My elder co-sister had all those shopping and eat outs and I get to hear those stories now while she lives in the uae. I could be jealous, but then again.... I can buy my own things and I am happy with my relationship with them, but I cannot say the same about her :)
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
all your points are valid and thankfully helped me get rid of whatever feelings I had in my heart.
but my elder sister in laws attitude is not good with them.. so the in laws tell me they have a lot of expectations from me.. this bothers me as islamically I should serve to my parents and he to his.. why are the expectations with me?? when they clearly not doing the same treatment for me even
