Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
all your points are valid and thankfully helped me get rid of whatever feelings I had in my heart.
but my elder sister in laws attitude is not good with them.. so the in laws tell me they have a lot of expectations from me.. this bothers me as islamically I should serve to my parents and he to his.. why are the expectations with me?? when they clearly not doing the same treatment for me even
its not your responsibility to serve your inlaws and do their khidmat, and its not their responsibility to take you shopping or spend money on you.
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
all your points are valid and thankfully helped me get rid of whatever feelings I had in my heart.
but my elder sister in laws attitude is not good with them.. so the in laws tell me they have a lot of expectations from me.. this bothers me as islamically I should serve to my parents and he to his.. why are the expectations with me?? when they clearly not doing the same treatment for me even
My guess and it's only a guess....is that maybe what your in-laws mean is that they felt hurt by the elder dil's behavior, her lack of respect, maybe her lack of basic consideration and reciprocation. Look at your present relationship with them. Do they expect you to be like their servant and wait on them hand and foot? If not, then I don't think your in-laws expect you to bend over backwards to please them; it seems they just "expect" basic consideration and respect.
Also, maybe your in-laws fear that if the elder DIL is so rude when we do so much for her, then how much ruder will she get if we act tougher with her. Maybe they don't want her to give their son a hard time or create more drama than she already has.
Let's talk about "Islamically" for a minute. Let's take your in-laws out of the equation. Would you not show any hospitality or courtesy to an elder simply on the basis that they are not your parents and it's their own kids' responsibility to tend to them? If an elder like some aunti or uncle....is sick or in need of help...would you avoid them because they are not your parents?
It's like our Desi culture is on two extreme ends of the spectrum. Either we have this disturbing attitude of self-entitlement where we expect DIL to do 24/7 khidmat of in-laws and give no respect to her own parents or to her for that matter.......or we have the attitude that it ain't my problem. There needs to be a balance. Islam is not about only looking after your own cuz that leads to rifts or division among people. If you expect your husband to show hospitality/respect/consideration/support to your own parents, then you have to do the same for him.
I see what you are saying. I'd expect equal treatment if daughter in laws did equal stuff. Actually you should expect the basics followed by society like eid gifts etc but there are differences based on various factors like likeness, position of brother, girls family,girl herself
Re: How fair should one expect in laws to be between daughter in laws?
I'm currently in confusion as to if they treat them same.. Or not.. Cause things have been good for me mostly. But I feel that my elder sister in law is given an edge regardless of her bad behaviour.
They are lovely decent people. But it's still hurting me.
Like before her marriage she was taken to dubai for shopping..
While no one offered me so I have decided to go on my own.
They didn't even offer me any financial help.. While for her my mil went and made her do all the shopping.
I don't have to have eyes on anyone's money.. But shouldn't I get the same treatment? Or am I being shallow and money hungry?
Look at it this way....now you get to chose whatever you want whereas your SIL would have also had to take your MIL's preferences into account....how is that not a win?