call me old fashion, paindo, or what ever, but i am a very conservative person. i have no guy friends, and i absolutely don’t believe in dating. it doesn’t mean i am shy at all, due to my stupid engineering related major in college 99 percent people in my class are guys including desi and i talk to them fine, do group projects and stuff, but i just don’t flirt with guys at all. i just talk to the point and no he he ha ha with them going on lunch or coffee. so my real concern is, which my friends pointed out that i can’t ever get married with this behavior. i need to relax and do and little bit of harmless flirting with guys. but i can’t do that because it’s just not me and i will be suck at pretending. so all of u people out there, who got married or engaged anyways other then pre arranged by parents how did it happened?
Re: how essential is flirting?
I cant flirt for the life of me...I look like something got in my eye when I wink.
Ummm...usually people meet in school or at work.
Re: how essential is flirting?
actually my question was can you still find a nice decent guy even if u don't flirt with them?
Re: how essential is flirting?
yanzala some of my friends told me stuff like that too, they sound like they know exactly what theyre talking about, but spend some time with those friends and u'll see they havent got a clue, the way u described urself is pretty great i think, as for those friends, watch what kinds of guys they attract and what kinds of husbands they get, time reveals all lol :)
Re: how essential is flirting?
yep of course u can still find a nice guy (: ..from what ive seen yep
Re: how essential is flirting?
you are right eliana, because i know how much trouble my friends get in from what they think is "harmless flirting". but sometimes i just get those random thoughts in my mind like, even though i have no problem with arranged marriage but i would still preferred if i have a love marriage. but for me love marriage doesn't mean i would go out on a date or talk to him on phone/text for hours or chat with him. the kind of love marriage i want is someone respects me for who i am, and want to marry me for my qualities, and i do the same. i don't want the kind of love marriage where a person almost too brainwashed from a continues presence of an opposite sex in their life that they start of believe that you actually love him/her. beside as being a muslim i don't want to fall in love with a na mehram. my friends tells me i should have been born in early 1900s in a village far far away, because my dream can't come ture in this day and age specially living in america.
Re: how essential is flirting?
yanzala i know what u mean! i get those random thoughts too sometimes, especially after seeing how much 'fun' my friends have! but u know with time ive seen the trouble my friends have gotten into as well, but thing is when they talk about it they make it sound sooo attractive, the whole flirting, going out for coffee, hanging out thing, they just make it sound like its so much fun and ur missing out on so much, they make u feel awful about the choices uve made!...look closer though and u'll see they just say all that stuff to make themselves feel better, most of them are completely drained from all the lying they have to do, and imo its just not worth it the amount of energy they pour into 'flirting' with boys
i honestly think ur ideas are great! stick with ur principles and ...find new people to hang out with, im sure ur friends are great but find more people like urself :)
call me old fashion, paindo, or what ever
okay..
oldfashion..
paindu..
Re: how essential is flirting?
Peace
Those friends don't know what they are on about ...
When I was at Uni it was interesting to see how "sisters" got themselves to be noticed without flirting.
Here are some tips:
1) Look out for the social gathering where families, or food type gatherings take place.
2) Offer to cook a meal for these types of events, all of a sudden you will become a celebrity
3) Make friends with married women, because they have backdoor access to men via their husbands
4) Look for a man from a distance and observe how he behaves with others. Then pounce on him ... not literally ... that would be a shock ... rather speak to such married sisters expressing your interest and things should start to unravel.
Re: how essential is flirting?
It happens
It is fun
Can be rude
Not everybody likes it
Its not Islamic
What can i say
i have done it myself but subtle flirting
aaj tak zindagi mein kissi ko aankh nahin maari ;)
though i have used the aankh-maaring-smiley thousands of times lolz
Peace
Those friends don't know what they are on about ...
When I was at Uni it was interesting to see how "sisters" got themselves to be noticed without flirting.
Here are some tips:
1) Look out for the social gathering where families, or food type gatherings take place. 2) Offer to cook a meal for these types of events, all of a sudden you will become a celebrity 3) Make friends with married women, because they have backdoor access to men via their husbands 4) Look for a man from a distance and observe how he behaves with others. Then pounce on him ... not literally ... that would be a shock ... rather speak to such married sisters expressing your interest and things should start to unravel.
honestly those are some great tips. but it means i need to learn how to cook :( does meggy noddle counts? i am friend with some married women and they are "looking" for me. lets see what happens, finding a decent rishta in america is like "lohay kay chanay chabana" :D i like your last suggestion too, actually i have met a guy like this once, he was hafiz-e-quran and a medical student. i asked my married friend to some how proceed with it, but we find out that he was engaged in pakistan. i haven't really found a decent guy guy after that.
...btw, the reason why i really opened this thread is to know if girls specially the one living in america has gotten married without dating a guy, and it's not prearranged either. like a guy, or someone from that guy like his friend or sister has come to you, or if you have ever liked someone and let him know some how (in a halal way) that you are interested and then process with rishta and got married?
Re: how essential is flirting?
i strongly think its all fated. u don't hav to lower ur standards just to meet ur guy. when its fated he'll come to you from no matter where he is but will come to u.
i can relate many incidents
i know a friend who went to a party n guy went crazy n sent parents over. these things do happen.
my sister got married via photo. my bil saw her in a picture from his sister's album n fallen for her.
there was another one very reserved but top student and her rival sent the propsal n married her.
And another one u won't believe but this girl was complete niqabi n even wore gloves. she was so much into hiding that everybody thought no-one would ever marry her. So how she got her man? she was travelling by plane when the pilot of the plane saw her and decided she's the one. .
there's one last my dad's boss went to Makkah for umrah. there he saw this girl in full niqab but her eyes mesmerized him. Now this guy was an arab. he approached the girl's dad and dad agreed too. they got Nikkahfed same day in the Mosque.
OK lemme stop now or i'm remembering many more and these are from real girls around me and upto my knowledge they all r still in same marriages.
Most people have a different definition of flirting. I was told I flirted, when I was just having friendly conversations with males in the same way I talked to females. To me it wasn't flirting, to some other people, it was. I once searched the definition of flirting, no one really seems to agree what flirting really is. Everyone has a different opinion about it.
Anyway, in our culture, you mostly get married because someone came with a rishta or if you're a male, your family offered your rishta to the parents of a female they think is suitable. Sometimes the parents let their children decide if they want that marriage and sometimes the parents (and/or other family members) force that marriage upon their children. Both things happened in my family. We do have a few cousins in England who liked someone outside our family and asked their parents permission until their parents somehow did agree to it eventually. These are exceptions.
Mostly you don't find your own husband or wife. It's the family members and friends who look for it. But it isn't forbidden in Islam to find your own spouse though if you remain in the limits of Islam. I have to say, I think if you flirt with the intention of flirting, it is unIslamic. If you just have a conversation with someone it's allowed in my opinion.
If you want to find someone yourself, try Islamic marriage websites. Get to know people, if you don't like them enough for marriage, you can just become friends which is nice too.
By the way, I believe this is very true: 'rishtay asmaan main leekhay jaatay'. Only if Allah wants that for you, you'll find a (second) rishta. But that's just my opinion.
Re: how essential is flirting?
Mine's pre determined so can't lend ya my two cents.
But outa curiosity flirting is OK/good if u know the technique. If not, u ruin for everyone involved. And in ur case, which is strictly a future prospect, i really don't think flirting has anything to do with that... finding a future husband or something as such....
What u need to be doing is having ur options wide open, and let the right one knock the door, rather than you go to them and mess around.
And after reading ur last post, i really think u can wait for the RIGHT guy... for a little bit more. But again, flirting in ur case is highly hazardous. It just wont suit you.
Re: how essential is flirting?
different people take flirting in different ways ......so don have any proper info about it but i can tell u that having a decent husband or wife is All depends on ur luck some time very nice people get no good wifes sometime very nice wifes get no good husband .
its not bad to find a realation for u by ur self offcourse in a halal manner....but i belive flirting with other then u married is not right where what u say the he heheh haha doing with ur male class members is not flirting .its an open disscuisson and cutting jokes etc are ur conversation with them yes if u get on tracks ....u never know if any guys gona fall in love with ur style being conservative .......:) u cant ever know on what of ur ADDDAAAAA...the guys gona like soooo app kuch b kar lain agher kisi nay peechay parna hay to wo par hi jata hay.Have seen many caseeesssss in my lifeee so much cant tell u so i dont belive kay appp jaysay b ho as far as ur in co-education kuch b ho sakta hay so don worry and just get relax...and do what uuu like never follow any one foot tracks if they u dont like it.UR LIFE UR THINKING this is my point of view and yes my thinking my life i have dedicated to my hubbbyyyyyyy sooo now i like to do what ever he wants me tooo.:)
Re: how essential is flirting?
I dont know what flirt is?
PS: So any girl available tonight for some chatting? Main aap sub per JAAN chirakta hooon ;)
Re: how essential is flirting?
normally more girls flirt more they lose points in guy's eyes who is considering them candidate for future wife.
Don't get confused between a guy looking for a wife AND guy wanting a bimbo around him.
HOWEVER presenting your self gracefully is important.
my child...
(ur profile don't even have pic)
Flirting is becoming a lost art. Flirting does not necessarily have to lead to a relationship issue. It can be harmless and fun. Must must be subtle. Not effectively done in a chat room or so...because it involves expressions and body language. Today people are too forward and explicit in their communication. Flirting has been cast aside.
Although I believe the meaning of "flirting" in the original question is probably different to what I have described.
Re: how essential is flirting?
when I first saw you I thought...Mashallah...and then I said Inshallah. ;)