How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

Lifestyle Relationships
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Hello everyone. I’m posting this on behalf of a male (Pakistani) friend of mine. As we do the marriage bit quite differently in my culture, I have no opinion on this. Hence, my asking on here.

Anyhow, he’s received a proposal/“rishta” from someone but doesn’t think it will work out as he isn’t attracted to her at all and he finds that attraction is important. He’s not sure about how to go about saying no to this proposal in a tactful manner. Citing another reason for saying no isn’t an option as he said there are no other issues with this person. How would he go about saying no in this case?

Please Note: This thread is not about whether it is right or wrong to reject a proposal based on appearance. Everyone has their own thoughts on that as they’re quite entitled to. However, that isn’t the question, so please refrain from turning this into a debate on that.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

I think if the guy isn't interested a silence from his side of the family is usually just taken as a 'no'..

I don't think it's the best approach but that's what I've usually seen..

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

This is such a rude way of saying it but yeah in our culture this is the way they respond or unlimited amount of lame excuses.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

^Yeah, I agree..

My mum also used to say "he's still thinking about it" if a girl's family was chasing things up (that doesn't normally happen tho, OP) when my brother had already made it clear to her that it was a 'no'..

It is ridiculous to keep people hanging like that.. strange that it's considered* less* rude than just saying 'no.'

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

I think people are just embarrassed to tell the real reasons of rejecting the proposal, as if you say no you need to back it up with a reason so they sort out to this ridiculous way.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

For OP, can your friend say that he is interested in somebody else?

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

folks belonging to the old school of thoughts preach to maintain "silence" which eventually be taken as a "no" by the prospect.

it's quite torturous to force them to hang in the balance. one must be straight forward and politely say "no". just politely excuse yourself. you have to find the words to use.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

Just tell them the truth. At least that way they will know the actual reason for rejection.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

No one ever does that even when they have very good reasons. Lets be practical.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

The truth: he doesn't believe the two are compatible.

The lie: thank you for your interest, but he's currently talking to someone else for rishta purposes.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

So what do you suggest then as making some random lame excuse isn't an option here?
And what is wrong in telling someone the real cause of rejection?

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

nothing wrong. This is what one should do. This is what I will do.

But this is not what people like to hear. so you better tell them what will be more effective and acceptable.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

i have heard alot of people use the excuse that the 'istikhaara' didn't show a good sign.. so maybe your friend can use that?
there is really no easy way of letting someone know you're not attracted to them.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

This. A simple no and that he's changed his mind about getting married right now etc.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

I don't think there is any hanging thing, a lack of follow up meeting or not exchanging gift is considered end of it.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

Thanks for the replies everyone! I'd like to add something:

His issue is not in saying no as, from my understanding, if he says no, it means no and his family will not try to pressure him otherwise. What he is unsure of is what to say or how to tactfully explain his reason for saying no if he is asked why he rejected the proposal.

In other words: If one must, how does one tactfully explain that one isn't attracted to the person?

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

who is this hotshot, in demand guy?

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

^lol

:hehe:

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

He can just say that their personalities are quite different and he doesn't feel they are good match for each other.

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Re: How does one diplomatically say no to a proposal? (Posting on behalf of a friend)

Alas, I cannot say, Phil. It’s top secret, you see.:cb: